


A Cor do Invisível

by RushAndTomatoJuice



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Dan the Douche, Deckerstar - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gun Violence, Hurt Chloe Decker, Hurt Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), I swear, Injury, Kinda?, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Devil Reveal, Personal Growth, Pre-Season/Series 01, Slow Burn, Smut, Soulmate - Colors, also smut, complete work, lots and lots of feelings, season 1 Dan, there's plot in here guys, word count: 75k
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:01:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 76,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27066826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RushAndTomatoJuice/pseuds/RushAndTomatoJuice
Summary: People said the colors simply burst into being once you meet your soulmate. That your vision gets trapped in a vortex of colorful magnificence, that your life is only meaningful from that day forward.They preached the colorful world, had brochures and courses and first instructions for the colorblind that suddenly had their world shaken by color.But it wasn’t how it had happened to him.Colors hadn’t burst all of a sudden. His world hadn’t been shaken to its core. The colors had come slowly, as little things in his day. They had had their time to develop as that bubbly little thing grew inside him.In hindsight, Lucifer should’ve known it wouldn’t have happened like that for him. Nothing in his life ever happened as it was supposed to…
Relationships: Chloe Decker & Ella Lopez, Chloe Decker & Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker/Dan Espinoza, Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 699
Kudos: 614
Collections: LUCIFER_FICS_, Lucifer





	1. I don't wanna be another one

**Author's Note:**

> TITLE TRANSLATION: The Color of the Invisible
> 
> title comes from a book by the same name from brazillian poet Mário Quintana
> 
> this has not been betaed
> 
> disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot
> 
> PLEASE CHECK BEGINNING NOTES AT EACH CHAPTER FOR CONTENT WARNING

If it was up to me, I’d dream about you in all colors, but my dreams are like silent movies, and the actors have long passed away. 

\- Chico Buarque

* * *

People said the colors simply burst into being once you meet your soulmate. That your vision gets trapped in a vortex of colorful magnificence, that your life is only meaningful from that day forward.

Humans had gotten to celebrate those days every year, tattooing the date onto their skin and announcing it to the four winds. They had different religions, and clubs, and politics. They had a special culture, sayings and lifestyles completely different from the colorblind.

They preached the colorful world, had brochures and courses and first instructions for the colorblind that suddenly had their world shaken by color.

Humans became obsessed with it, built their lives around it, depended on it, _killed_ for it. To get it or to keep it. Humans made themselves miserable because of it. Because of this pop of color that changed your world in a split second.

But it wasn’t how it had happened to him. 

Colors hadn’t burst all of a sudden. His world hadn’t been shaken to its core. The colors had come slowly, as little things in his day. They had had their time to develop as that bubbly little thing grew inside him.

In hindsight, Lucifer should’ve known it wouldn’t have happened like that for him. Nothing in his life ever happened as it was supposed to…

* * *

_Colors._

_Ugh_ , Lucifer _hated_ them. Hated what they meant, what they stood for, what they caused. Why they appeared.

He hated them with all of his being, with all of his energy, with a fire only Hell could’ve lit in him. 

He hated colors almost as much as he hated his Father. Daddy dearest had been the One to create them, after all. Or, in Lucifer’s case, take them away.

For something that was supposed to be for humans alone, Father had really outdone Himself. He’d claimed it was a system to help them, to make their lives more interesting. To give them something to hope for, to pursue. To make life more than just about surviving. 

To make it about _Love_ , and companionship.

Call it what He may, Lucifer had always known it for what it was. Just His new ploy for His own amusement. Immortal life got boring after a few millennia after all...

But to take it out on the Humans... To take away the free will that was so defining of their species, the very thing that made them human... To take away the colors for some mindless chase for love just so they could see the world as it really was... 

It was _torture, punishment_ , even if Father refused to admit to that. And there had been no reason for it, to deny the Humans of something they had had up until God decided to screw them over some laughs.

The Humans didn’t deserve that, no one did. To have something so fundamental to life be stripped right out of their grasp. Colors, free will, be it what it may.

Who could’ve guessed it would’ve sparked a rebellion in the Heavens?

His Father in all His mercy, of course didn’t leave Lucifer unscathed.

The Archangel of Desire, of Light, of Justice, _colorblind_. Oh, the irony. The angel of desire that couldn’t fully enjoy his life, the angel of light that had been plunged into darkness. The angel of justice denied of – the illusion of – his freedom of choice.

The only angel in all of the Silver City to lose his color sight.

Knowing what the world really was like and knowing he would never have it again… It was Lucifer’s own personal Hell, even before he’d been thrown over the Edge of Heaven, even before Lucifer became his name.

And when his brethren had been made aware that colors signified Love… Lucifer always tried to fool himself, saying it was his memory that was flawed, anything to ignore that it had taken less than a _second_ for the others to say he was colorblind because he didn’t love Him enough.

 _Him_ , who had probably loved his Father too much…

He’d lived with grey for almost the entirety of his life. At this point, Lucifer didn’t even know what colors were anymore. Ever since the day he’d been robbed of them by his own Father, colors had become just a distant, unreachable dream.

To humans, they meant happiness, and Lucifer knew that wasn’t meant for monsters.

* * *

The grey was even greyer that night if that was possible. It was bending in on itself, forming a mess of sameness that was boring Lucifer out of his mind. Not even the starry sky-like lights that covered the club ceiling were beautiful enough in that moment to make the world around him glow back into life.

Watching the crowd at Lux moving, and writhing, and mingling, from his privileged place on the balcony between the stairs had turned into some kind of ritual for Lucifer. It was the calming moment when he could just take a second to admire this little realm of freedom and desire he’d built for himself, all on his own.

That night, though…

It was all a black mass of nothingness. The dark was darker, and the grey was duller. Lucifer loathed to admit it, but, in moments like those, he wished he still knew what colors were. If only to chase the boredom away.

All that sameness made goosebumps run down his spine, a wave of unquietness settling over his stomach. Differently from his past experiences on Earth, nothing about that particular day had been exciting, nothing about it had been _new_. Not a single person he met, not a single new thing he did, brought forth that euphoria only possible on this plane of existence, that ecstatic energy of simply being here and alive, and away from all the hellish ash and all that accompanied it.

At that point in the day, and as bored out of his mind as Lucifer was, he might as well just give up on his pointless hunt for excitement and retreat to the comfortable solace of his piano. It was unlikely something that would shake his being back to the glee of life would happen to make him stay.

Not that he ever considered going back _down there_.

It had been just a little over a year since he’d left his hellish punishment behind and moved to far better climates, but lately, it was happening more and more frequently. It came forth as a sameness he couldn’t shake off, like this feeling that built around his lungs, squeezing his insides just enough to unsettle him, but not enough for the cause to be noticeable.

It was as if Earth was beginning to lose its vibrance, that spark of life that made it so distinguishable from the other planes of existence. And for some reason, that day, it was bothering him more than it normally would.

Lucifer let out a heavy sigh, but the sound was drowned by the eager crowd beneath him. He pushed himself away from the rails, intending to make way for his private elevator, but as his eyes moved over the crowd, something caught on the light, and the sudden gleam stole his focus, attracting him like a moth to a flame.

All his life he’d been looking for the light his Father had taken from him. But one by one, they all dimmed, eventually. Nothing could ever survive the immensity of time or the horror that had been done to him, but it had never stopped him from searching.

This particular glow shimmered as the crossing lights hit it, standing out unique in a sea of greyness, igniting that spark of curiosity that had been guiding him for millennia, ever since he was a fledgling.

His feet propelled him forward, his body moving accordingly to cut through the crowds as he made his way to that light that had captured his attention so thoroughly.

As he neared the bar, Lucifer noticed that it was a who rather than a what that was practically glowing in the darkened club. The woman’s light grey hair glimmered along with the lights, illuminating the club in their own way.

Despite the dullness that branded the world, she stood out from those around. She was beautiful in everyone’s eyes, there was no denying that, but there was something else that Lucifer couldn’t quite name. It was a light that he could sense in her, that made her stand out from every other club goer, that made him gravitate towards her from the other side of the room.

She was sitting at the bar, eyes downcast as she texted on her phone. It made her hair cascade down her shoulders, gleaming as the bulbs twinkled above them.

Lucifer took the last couple steps that brought him next to her and leaned on the counter by her side. He raised his hand to flag his bartender and rattled off his order. Scotch, pure. His usual brandy.

Father knew he needed it after such a dull day.

His order caught her attention, and the woman briefly raised her eyes to meet his.

_Beautiful indeed…_

“Ah, a woman of fine taste.” Lucifer remarked, a sly grin growing in his lips as he turned around to face her, leaning his hip on the counter. It made her eyes grow wide, her cheeks turning grey as she blushed. 

If only he could see the red taking over... 

“Patrick, one for the lady, please.” He asked as his bartender returned with his drink.

“What? No, no. It’s- It’s okay... I-” She stumbled over her words, dropping her phone to raise her hands in a placating gesture. Lucifer’s side smile grew as he watched her squirm in her seat, finding her quite adorable in her flustering.

The woman dropped her eyes, a shy smile lighting up her features as the grey in her cheeks grew darker, spreading to the very tips of her ears. She ran a hand through her hair, messily pushing it behind her so she could face him.

It was the movement that broke through him. It was the way her messy locks shifted, catching in the light, that broke through that fog of recognition. _Detective Decker, wasn’t it?_

She’d starred quite the exiting clip from the security footage at Lux a week prior. Her hair, high up in a ponytail at the time, had glimmered along with the club lights even on camera.

“Please...” Lucifer said, his voice lower but still high enough that she could hear it over the music. He briefly covered one of her wrists with his fingers before pushing the glass Patrick brought over towards her, effectively stopping her babbling. “It’s the least I can do for LAPD’s finest detective. Especially after you so kindly stormed my club last week.” He remarked, humor dripping from his words. It made an unexpected smile break out in her face.

“Of course, yeah.” She let out a sound that was between a laugh and a snort, her eyes wrinkling at the edges from humor, and that for some reason had him hypnotized. “I’m not going to apologize for arresting that scumbag.”

Despite her casualness and her laid-back response, it was hard to miss the defensive edge her voice had taken. Or the subtle squaring of her shoulders as he shifted on the counter.

“Oh, not to worry, darling. John Marrick’ punishment was completely deserved. Storming my club just before opening hours, though? Not so sure about that.”

The detective let out a reluctant, surprised laugh, her tension melting away as he kept on smiling like an idiot at her, and she allowed the interest to slowly bloom inside her. “You think so?”

“Oh, yes.” Lucifer said, bringing his glass to his lips for a sip. “He wasn’t exactly good at being a baddie, was he? Quite clumsy that one, but I guess that’s where his family’s money payed off. And quite literally in his case.”

Lucifer placed his glass back down on the counter, the taste of the scotch dancing on his tongue as he chuckled about his quip. It hadn’t been one of his finest, even he had to admit to that, but it got a smile in her features, even if the detective had looked away for a second in a futile attempt to hide it.

And what a sight to behold she was.

“What was he doing in your club, then?” She asked, half curious, half teasing, with interest lighting up her eyes and just that side of her job leaking through her personality.

“Same as everyone else.” Lucifer said instead of a direct reply, noticing the shift in her stance. His eyes remained glued on hers, the expectation building in him as he urged her to understand, but it seemed she was reluctant to do so. “He was looking for a deal.”

“What, like…” She asked, a carefulness guarding her eyes. _That_ was something Lucifer knew, intimately. The human urge to deny whatever was right in front of them, especially when his devilishness was concerned. Lucifer simply nodded in reply, silently encouraging her to finish her thought. “A deal with the devil?”

“Precisely. I have quite the reputation, you know.” Lucifer shared, hiding his pleased grin with his drink while the detective pondered his answer. “Not to worry, my dear. Nothing illegal, I assure you. I don’t deal with the likes of him.”

“It’d be a shame if I had to arrest you right now.”

“It would, wouldn’t it?” He said around a smile. “Although adding your cuffs here might not be a terrible idea.”

She let out a snort, one of her hands rising to cover her mouth while the other unconsciously moved closer to the drink he’d offered her. “Do you ever stop trying?”

“Not really. I’ll have you know I have _impressive_ stamina.” Lucifer replied as a smile that mirrored his spread over her lips. “Although, I was actually rather impressed with your work.”

“Really?” The detective asked back, her surprise at his admittance making the word sound choked as it left her soft lips. “I… ugh, thank you?” The grey returned full force to her cheeks as she let her gaze flee his for a moment.

Something about her surprise didn’t sit right with him, though. It was a strange sort of feeling, a pressure building beneath his breastbone. Something Lucifer had never felt before, and he couldn’t, for the life of him, figure out why her off put reaction troubled him so much.

Or why he seemed so… _pulled_ towards her for that matter.

“How did you-” She began before she forced herself to stop, her question stuck on her throat. Lucifer shook himself from whatever _feelings_ he might be having and chose to focus on her, boring his eyes deeply on hers until he saw confidence return to her light grey orbs. “Your, ugh… bartender or was it manager? She’s… really… _peculiar…_ ”

Lucifer let out an unexpected snort, bringing them both out of the heavy mood that had surrounded them. He shifted to stand a sliver closer to the seat she was occupying, absolutely delighted at hearing her describe his Demon.

If only Maze were there to hear it…

“You stood up to Maze and actually lived to tell the tale? I’m even more impressed by you now, Detective. If that is even possible.”

A shy smile began to take over her lips at his compliment. Her eyes were downcast for a second before she rose them back to look up at him through her lashes, the corners of her eyes wrinkling, painting an overall quite charming picture of her with the twinkling lights above them. And if he’d known better, Lucifer would have been able to spot the momentary vulnerability that shined in her orbs. 

“She said you weren’t around that night.”

“Oh, I wasn’t, but I made sure to watch the security footage once I heard about what had happened. Couldn’t exactly miss the LAPD storming my club, now could I? And I have to say, it was quite the impressive arrest. Well done, Detective Decker.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure you’re the only one that appreciates it.” She said with bitterness coloring her tone as her hand finally reached out to grab the scotch glass he’d offered.

“Really?” Lucifer asked, his interest piqued. He’d always loved a good gossip, but this went far beyond just some mindless flirting, or some dirty little secret about some cops he didn’t even know.

He was quite surprisingly interested in her story, even if deep down it had started as a way to keep hearing her voice, keep her interested in him even if just for a moment longer.

But, deep, deep down, where it actually mattered, Lucifer was indeed impressed with her arrest.

He’d come to know many people in his expansive lifetime. A lot of courageous fools, his fair share of cops and law-abiding tools. But this woman, this _Detective_ , had been a first for him.

The first person with enough courage, and perhaps the right amount of fear, to put John Marrick, head of one of LA’s most dangerous mob families, in jail.

The Detective took a sip from his offered drink, a surprised look taking over her pretty face. “Hmm, this is really good.”

“Only the best.” He said, his voice lowering a timbre, making her lean into him to catch his words between the beats of the music. The movement brought her quite close to him, close enough he could feel her breath tickling the skin the opened top buttons of his shirt failed to cover.

Lucifer felt a rumble run through his chest, a want, hot and desperate, and he recognized that same thing in the Detective’s gaze. 

A fresh wave of blood made her cheeks burn bright grey when their eyes met, and Lucifer was fascinated. His eyes were deeply bored into hers, their light grey shining as her cheeks grew darker and darker.

A smile started spreading over her face, sultry, charming, and it stole the breath right out of his lungs. His eyes briefly dropped to her lips as he wetted his own, letting an equally charming grin stretch over his features as he raised his gaze to meet hers.

His breaths grew shallow as his being vibrated with possibility, until Lucifer could swear even the music around them had quieted down a notch. But maybe it was just his heart that had begun thundering inside him.

And although he could see the desire burning beneath her light grey orbs, there was something holding her back.

The Detective let out a snort before she downed her drink, keeping her eyes away from his for a couple of seconds to regroup. 

Lucifer felt a tension rising up in him, an urge to keep their conversation going, to stop the awkwardness that was bound to start between them, to keep her interested in him for just one more moment. So, he, in his _infinite_ wisdom, blurted out the first thing that crossed his mind.

“I don’t remember seeing a partner with you that night now that I think of it. Or any other detective really, just some terribly dull and terribly boring unis. Don’t you detectives always work in pairs or something?” He asked before downing his drink, a heavy feeling settling inside his chest as he watched a scowl take over her. 

It made his interest grow even more if that was possible, despite the sinking feeling that began growing behind his breastbone at her shift in mood. It made him want to slap himself for his stupidity, but not even that could shut his mouth, apparently. “Is that why you got such a chip on your shoulder?”

“The guys at the precinct aren’t exactly my biggest fans, yeah, but... That’s low on the list of things I have to live down, I guess.”

“Right. Attractive female cop struggling to be taken seriously in a men’s world, is that it?”

“Yeah. Something like that.” She said, placing her elbow on the counter and leaning her head on her hand, bad mood mostly forgotten as she gazed at him, a soft smile playing on her lips.

“Well, they’re threatened.” The words escaped his mouth before he could think better of them, making a surprised look take over her features. “You’re clearly smart and have notable instincts. Ignore them. Trust yourself.”

“That’s... decent-ish advice, actually.” She let out a huff, turning to face him fully, her fingers tapping on the counter as she tried to weight him in. “You only saw me that one time on tape, though. How can you be so sure?”

“Well...” Lucifer began before taking a short pause to put his thoughts in order and somehow find a way to put this _thing_ he could feel inside her into something as simple as words. “Perhaps the fact that you singlehandedly arrested the head of one of LA’s richest mob families. Solved the case all by yourself, I’m sure. And probably against your superior’s orders, by the looks of it.”

The Detective let out an open laugh, bringing her hand to cover her mouth as chuckles rattled her frame and mirth filled her eyes. Lucifer let his smile grow more charming, his gaze more pointedly as he talked more openly than he was used to with someone he just now met at the club.

“How can I not be?” His words were slow, so low they could barely be heard above the music, and with some kind of wonder that was totally foreign to him.

They made the Detective’s laughs sober up, her gaze growing darker as her lips parted and the very tip of her tongue sneaked out to wet them. Lucifer was powerless but to watch.

The Detective slowly got up from her seat and came to stand just before him, the space left between them so thin Lucifer could feel her warmth soaking through his clothes and into his skin. She had to look up to face him, and it gave him a privileged position to admire her features, the striking depth in her eyes, the sharpness of her jawline, her lips so soft and so close to his, the neckline of her top dipping low enough to tantalize him without revealing too much.

Lucifer took in a deep breath, and just that made his chest brush with hers, and it sent hellfire burning through his whole being, the flames turned even hotter by his desire.

That he understood quite thoroughly. Their lust, their want… Desire was what made him tick, it was the very core of his being, the one true thing that had always given him meaning.

Having and giving pleasure. 

It was this drawing feeling that he was unfamiliar with, this _thing_ about her that had attracted him from the other side of the room, that made him speak more frankly than he would, that made him feel more than he normally would about a stranger.

But desire... that he was familiar with, he was comfortable with. 

Lucifer was familiar with the darkening in her eyes, with the quickening of her breathing, the overall hazed look taking over her. He could feel those very same things happening to him. And he could feel something more to it, something more about her darkening gaze than just what his natural magnetism brought forth.

Her eyes briefly dropped to his lips as his heart pounded incessantly against his ribcage in anticipation. A tingling in his skin that was itching him to touch her, to finally get close... and he could feel it in her, too. In the way her eyes were fixed on his while her hand hesitated on the counter, nails tapping on the marble as her mind mulled over blowing him off or giving into her desires.

The loud beeping of her phone startled them both before she could find an answer to that questioning, shocking them both out of their understanding. She leaned away from him, trying to regain the normalcy of the situation as much as she could with the both of them trapped between the barstools they had been occupying. And although she’d only pulled maybe an inch away from him, to Lucifer it was enough.

Enough to make him feel cold.

“Sorry...” The Detective hurried out a reply, her cheeks greying up as she dropped her eyes to check her phone. 

It left Lucifer feeling weird inside, disrupted and out of balance as she pulled away from him. He was left interrupted, turned on and wanting, gaze fixed on her and the moment that had just escaped right out of his grasp.

“I was supposed to meet my friends here tonight, and, ugh...” She said, rising her eyes to meet his again, but this time with a different shine to them.

Her voice broke him out of his reverie and gave him pause, and it was long enough for him to feel his heartbeats slowing as he waited. Lucifer found himself not wanting her to leave him just yet, which was unusual for him and his one-night stands.

Except she wasn’t even that yet.

“They just dumped me, so...”

He let out a slow, relieved breath through his parted lips, letting them stretch into a smirk as he tried to deny himself what had just happened inside him. “Well. I’d say I’m sorry, but... that’d be a lie, and that’s something I don’t do.” He said, charm lacing his tone as he got back into his comfort zone.

“Oh, so you’re glad my night is over?” The Detective asked, the playful tone in her voice silently daring him to bicker back.

“Over? Who said anything about _that_?” Never let it be said the Devil ever backed away from a challenge. “Why let such a good night go to waste?” His voice came out husky as Lucifer let his eyes wander down her form, taking in every curve he could see, every batch of skin he could delight on. His gaze finished its trip meeting hers, and he found her eyes darker than his club.

“Why, indeed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story is pre season 1 au and it starts at about a year and a half since Lucifer came to earth, so no Trixie and Chloe just made detective.
> 
> I'll make sure to add to the beginning notes any content warning if needed, so don't forget to check those. tags will be updated if needed. if you see any mistakes, let me know! :p
> 
> I'll be posting saturdays and wednesdays at about this time (8PM UCT). everything's already written and edited, so. let me know what you think!
> 
> all chapter titles are from stereo love by edward maya


	2. when I touch your body (I feel I'm losing control)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so much for the love and support on the first chapter! you guys are amazing <3
> 
> \- CONTENT WARNING -  
> there is a reason why this fic is explicit and the reason is HERE. this is pure smut, 6666 words of smut, no redeeming features whatsoever. if this isn't your kind of thing, you can skip it without missing any huge parts of the story.
> 
> future smut scenes will always be properly tagged and have the content warning telling you how to skip the steamy bits without missing the plot points if that's how you wish to proceed.
> 
> writing smut has never been my thing, but if you choose to continue, I hope I did good ;)

Lux was dark, and her eyes burned with a desire matched only by his.

The Detective slowly turned back to face him, standing even closer to him than she’d had before if that was even possible. She started trailing her fingers up his chest, and just that small touch sent flames trickling through his skin despite his clothes. He could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage, and it was ridiculous how eager he was.

She licked her lips and Lucifer’s eyes fell down to them before rising back to hers even darker with lust than before. In that moment, he knew they were game.

The Detective reached out to him first, her hands slowly rising on his chest before settling in an iron grip on his lapels and using them to pull him down to her level. He met her halfway, her lips pressing to his, soft and demanding... and it was _incredible_.

Lucifer felt her tongue running along his bottom lip and he opened up to her, deepening their kiss. His hands settled on her waist as he pulled her as close to him as he could, relishing on the feel of her chest pressed flush to his, on her warmth seeping through his skin and making a shiver run down his spine.

She threaded one of her hands through his hair, her nails scraping at his scalp as she pulled at his curls, and it made him moan, the sound deep in the back of his throat. Lucifer curled his tongue around hers in response, in that maddeningly sweet way that made her moan into his lips.

The sound made him lose control for a second, his knees weak as he spun her around and pressed her back into the counter, not sure who was keeping who up as she leaned more heavily into him. 

Her bottom lip was soft when he pulled it between his teeth as one of his hands sneaked beneath her top, slowly rising along her side to rest above her ribs and make her shiver.

The Detective reluctantly broke their kiss, and Lucifer could feel his own lungs burning with the lack of oxygen, but he chased her lips anyway with a whine escaping his throat. When he finally opened his eyes, the smile he was graced with made his head feel light with wonder.

He tried to back away, to give her some space to breathe, but the hand at the back of his head pulled him closer instead, pushing their foreheads together and they melted into each other.

“Well...” He breathed out, panting as he tried to control the smile spreading wider and wider on his face.

She let out a hearty laugh before she stood on her tip toes and reached up to kiss him again. It was slower this time, lazy almost, as she rested her hands on his chest, slowly curling her fingers and scraping her nails on his shirt.

It was soothing, despite all the hectic energy of the club that surrounded them, to be in their own little bubble. To be able to kiss her and give into his desires and forget all about the constant buzzing of the world that was always surrounding him, even if for just a few minutes.

Lucifer got caught up in enjoying her, in exploring her mouth and the sounds he could stir from her until his hands got greedier as his feet started moving, and the next thing he knew, the doors of his personal elevator were closing behind her as she pushed him into the back wall, her mouth all over his neck.

He tangled one of his hands in her hair as the other sneaked down to cup her ass and pull her even closer. Lucifer slid down on the wall to compensate for their height difference, spreading his legs wider for her to stand in the middle. She smiled against his lips, her hands immediately reaching for the buttons of his shirt as she fell to the flat of her feet.

The ding of the elevator as it announced its arrival to the penthouse cleared up some of the fog that had formed on Lucifer’s mind. He laced one of his arms around her waist and used his free hand to push himself up from the wall, eliciting a surprised gasp from the Detective as they started walking out and into the living room.

Her distraction allowed him to move his kisses along her jaw and down her neck, her moans distracting him from his debate of whether or not she might shoot him if he sucked a bruise there.

The Detective buried one of her hands on his locks to keep her balance, occasionally pulling at them as Lucifer walked her backwards, while the other was fisted in his lapel, her nails digging into the skin of his chest, and, _oh, Dad_ , did he love that...

What Lucifer didn’t particularly love was the constant beeping of her phone that seemed intent on interrupting them that night.

“Sorry.” She breathed out before pulling him into a deep, ground rocking kiss that ended way too soon for his liking. 

Lucifer was left turned on and wanting, his mind still half shut down and caught up in her while the Detective searched her pockets for her interruptive phone. The frustrated groan that escaped her throat as she checked her texts made him die inside just a tiny little bit.

“Sorry, it’s work. Just give me a sec.”

Lucifer sulked as he unwrapped himself from around her and made his way to his bar, purposefully leaning on the counter to distract her, his hand wandering beneath his shirt through the buttons she’d opened, because he was that extra.

Her eyes wandered around his penthouse as her fingers flew through the screen, until she noticed his pose and it got visibly harder for her to ignore him, her eyes growing darker in the low lighting.

“Can I get you anything?” He asked, the glow from the bar behind him bleeding into the air, making her hair gleam just as it had in the club. It was hypnotizing, watching the light dance on her as she forgot about her texts and allowed her lips to spread open in a smile. 

Which turned into a smirk as she slowly made her way over to him. “Well...” She came to stand between his legs, her hands gripping his lapels as she glued her lips to his but didn’t kiss him. “You can get me naked.”

The smirk that took over him was brilliant as he pulled her bottom lip between his teeth, hooking his thumbs on the waist of her jeans. “Your wish is my command.”

Lucifer tried to push himself up and get them walking again, but this time the Detective was prepared. She pushed him back into the counter and kissed him, hard and passionate, and it consumed him so entirely that he forgot he was supposed to move. 

Until she began pushing his jacket off of his shoulders and the Hellfire inside him burst back into life.

Lucifer pushed them away from the counter using just a tiny bit of his supernatural strength to do so, and he started walking them until her back hit the piano. He picked her up and placed her on top of it in one swift motion, letting his palms explore all the strong muscles of her thighs. 

Her legs immediately went around his waist, and Lucifer pulled her as closer as he could get, finding the height perfect to have her wrapped around him.

The Detective’s hands went to his shirt, dexterous fingers making quick work of his buttons as Lucifer let his tongue explore his way down her throat, ghosting his teeth on her skin. His hands sneaked beneath her top to cup her breasts through her bra, his palms feeling her shivering under his touch on his way up.

“You could try to eat me out on the piano if you’re up for it later.” Her remark came out in pants, her breath ghosting on his ear as he smirked into her neck.

Her proposition made him groan and he pinched her nipples through the thick fabric for good measure, his teeth ghosting the skin of her neck just this side of strong enough to mark. Her moan, so close to his ear, got Lucifer in a haste to take off her top, desperate to feel her skin on his.

The Detective reached for his shirt next, pushing it off of his shoulders, and Lucifer tried to wiggle it the rest of the way off, but it wouldn’t fall past his hands.

He tried a few more times, but it was only making his entrapment worse, the fabric pooling at his wrists and effectively bounding him. Her laugh was infectious when she realized the situation he’d gotten himself into, and Lucifer had to chuckle at how they both completely forgot about his cufflinks.

“I’m stuck.”

“What a shame.” She commented around giggles as she ran her hands down his chest, scraping her nails along the way and making his muscles flutter. 

His humor sobered up as he finally got to admire what her top had been covering all night. All the smooth, porcelain skin that covered a defined abdomen and round breasts. She caught up to his not at all subtle staring, and her smile sobered up into a smirk. 

The Detective made a show of reaching behind her back and unclasping her bra, taking each strap off in a maddeningly slow pace, and then making a show with the rest. His eyes were laser focused on her movements, the anticipation overflowing inside him as she uncovered every new patch of skin, and he was just this side of drooling by then.

Lucifer tried one last time to free his hands, but he’d rip the fabric if he pulled at it any harder, and his shirt was Prada, so. He finally looked up to meet her amused expression, futilely pulling at his bounding shirt for emphasis. “If you want me bound, I’m sure we can arrange something with those cuffs of yours.”

She huffed out a laugh. “Trust me, you don’t want to end up with those on. But, if you’re good, then I might be able to help you out of this... _situation_.” The Detective offered, her voice taking on a sultry tone as she hooked a finger on his belt and pulled him closer.

It made Lucifer become painfully aware of how tight his slacks had gotten, and how his erection was uncomfortably pressing into the zipper, but he was powerless to solve that problem at the moment. And he wasn’t sure if she’d meant the shirt or his trousers, but he’d greedily take either.

He shone her a smirk before he bent down and licked the valley between her breasts, delighting himself on the gasp that escaped her lips. Lucifer chose to focus on the left one first, ghosting his teeth on the underside to make her shiver before setting his tongue into work.

Her breathing grew into short pants before she reached out to free his hands, one at a time. He used them to help his mouth, cupping her breasts and rolling her nipples between his fingers and making her whimper.

The Detective reached out for his belt next, fumbling with it for a bit before she unclasped it, but Lucifer was too engrossed in the delight that was the sight of her to notice, until her breasts felt somewhat familiar in his palms. His mind quickly caught up to his senses, providing images of her that didn’t all belong to that moment.

It made him confused at first, until her identity at long last dawned in his mind.

His movements stopped abruptly, and he pulled back. Her whine at his halting broke him out of his reverie, and Lucifer brought his delighted eyes to meet her confused ones. 

“What...” 

“Oh. _Oh_. You’re...” A smile began stretching over his lips, so broad that it made even talking difficult. Lucifer’s gaze kept shifting from her eyes to her breasts and back, a delighted shock taking over him as recognition struck. “Oh, my... I didn’t know I was in the presence of such a star...”

A disbelieving laugh burst out of her lips as an amused expression settled over, her light eyes gleaming in the low light. “You seriously recognized me because of my breasts?”

“What can I say, they’re quite memorable.” Lucifer added with a cheeky smile as he squeezed them lightly, enjoying the feel of their weight in his palms. He allowed his thumbs to move again, slow, deliberate strokes over her hard nipples, with just enough pressure to make her shiver. “You really kept things up since Hot Tub High School, haven’t you?”

“I _really_ regret freeing you right now.” She quipped back with humor lighting up her features.

“Oh, come on... Detective...” He tried, his complement sounding awkward at the end. Lucifer wasn’t sure if he should call her by her name since she hadn’t explicitly told him what it was, – he’d known from the movie, though, one of the first he watched when he moved to Earth permanently last year – even though she knew his from her investigation.

“Chloe.” She breathed out, closing in to kiss him briefly. “You got your hands on my boobs right now. You get to call me Chloe.”

“Alright, then. _Chloe_.” Lucifer tested her name, adoring the way it rolled off of his tongue. He leaned in and placed a kiss just behind her ear, letting his lips ghost on her earlobe for the briefest of seconds. “It won’t be the only part of you I get my hands on tonight, though.” He whispered before he picked her up, squeezing her ass for good measure.

“I sure hope it isn’t.”

Lucifer let out an amused laugh as he leaned in to kiss her, unable to stop himself from doing it and unwilling to do so. 

The short walk to his bedroom was slow as he delighted in the taste of her on his tongue and the feel of her warmth and her soft curves wrapped around the hard planes of his body, his erection pressing into her center.

A soft thud came from the bed as Lucifer carefully dropped Chloe on it, but he didn’t join her just yet. He allowed himself a second to simply take her in, every soft curve and hard muscle, the dimples and freckles... all that warm skin he was allowed to touch.

Her hair was messily spread all around her like a halo, its light grey deeply contrasting with the black of his silk sheets. Some strands were carelessly falling over her cheeks and her bare shoulders, and Lucifer’s eyes continued their journey down her chest, form her collarbone to her breasts, falling at the hard peaks of her nipples, colored a darker shade of grey that stood out from her ivory skin.

The sight of her, the light he could almost feel in her, running as deep as the lust in her eyes, only worsened the tightness in his slacks, and Lucifer was decided into fixing that.

He quickly got rid of them before joining her on the bed, intent on slowly climbing his way to her lips, but, ultimately, Chloe had other plans. Her hands immediately reached for his biceps, pulling him up for a deep, hungry kiss, as one of her hands somehow found its way back into his hair, which was mostly a mess of curls by then.

Slowly, Lucifer started trailing kisses down her neck, his tongue tasting her skin and dipping into the hollow of her throat. His teeth made small appearances here and there, leaving little bite marks and nipping on her skin every time he got a moan out of her.

His hands only fell away from kneading her breasts when Lucifer replaced them with his mouth, sucking up a nipple to make her arch her back and press more fully into him, seeking his touch. As he busied himself with her breasts, he let his fingers trail down her stomach and reach for the button of her jeans.

With a patience he didn’t know he possessed, Lucifer began pulling it down her legs, planting open mouthed kisses on every patch of new skin he uncovered on his way down.

He began kissing his way up her other leg, partly to give her the attention she deserved, partly for the groan that left her lips, just as he knew it would. Lucifer heard her gasp when he got to her inner thigh, and it made him groan into her skin, eager to taste her, but he had other things in mind. 

He purposefully avoided the place she wanted him the most, choosing instead to place an open-mouthed kiss low on her belly, nipping her skin on his way to bite at her hipbones. He let his stubble run across her, delighting on her shiver on his palms. 

His deliberate teasing got a groan out of her, from deep in her throat, and it made him vibrate with her. 

The hand in his hair tried to push his head down, urging him to where they both wanted him to be, but Lucifer wasn’t a thing if not persistent, and he wasn’t done with her just yet.

“Patience is a virtue, you know.” He quipped as he slowly moved his mouth downwards to her relief, only it wasn’t exactly where she wanted him. Lucifer went back to nipping on her inner thighs, building her frustrations back up. It would make it even sweeter when he finally got her off, stronger and more fulfilling, and Lucifer knew he could deliver on that.

“I thought this was as sinful as it gets...” Chloe tried for a comeback, but her voice came out in pants and it significantly lessened the burn in her tone. 

“Fair point.” Lucifer gave it to her just before pressing his teeth to the soft skin of her thigh with pressure enough to mark, making her gasp. It made her pull at his curls and he groaned in response, before soothing the bite with his tongue.

Whatever remark she had died on her lips as soon as he reached for her panties. His fingers carefully dipped beneath the bands and slowly pulled it down her legs, and he was glad to notice she was already soaked wet.

Lucifer could feel the tension building up in her thighs as he settled between them, her grip tightening on his hair, and he knew she was preparing herself for more teasing on his part, so he decided for the opposite.

His tongue reached out, licking a broad stroke through her center to open up her folds for his eager mouth. The surprised moan that escaped her lips, louder than the others she’d graced him with before, was sweeter than music to his ears. 

But it was nothing compared to what he could taste. The taste of her was luscious and just unique, and it danced on his tongue, far more pleasing than any brandy whiskey could ever be.

His tongue began exploring her, tasting her, with slow, broad strokes as he learned what she liked. He worked the tip on her clit, slowly increasing the pressure just enough to drive her mad, to leave her hot and bothered, and not just wanting, but _needing_ his mouth on her. 

Her grip turned into iron on his hair as she panted beneath him. Every time she pulled at his curls, it made him groan into her, the sound deep from within his throat, and Lucifer could feel Chloe shiver because of it.

Her hips started moving in time with his tongue, slow at first, a tentative grinding against his mouth building up and up. Lucifer’s palms roamed her thighs, exploring the muscles and encouraging her to move. Her hand at the back of his neck grew more supportive, helping him keep the rhythm she liked, delivering exactly what she wanted and he had denied before. 

One of his hands went to support her hips and help her move, and the other one sneaked between her legs to join his mouth. He worked her with his fingertips, exploring, complementing his tongue, and spreading her wetness to her outer lips, before he began to circle her entrance, not done with the teasing just yet.

A whimper of protest escaped her throat and Lucifer slowed the movements of his tongue, just to see how far he’d have to go to make her beg.

Chloe’s thrusts completely lost their rhythm as she tried to grind against his finger, to somehow push it inside her, to get his tongue to speed up again, while he moved just enough to not be sufficient.

“Lucifer, please...” It came out breathy, almost broken, but no less beautiful.

“Please what?” His voice came out huskier than he expected, and he felt her shiver in response. His tongue only stayed away from her long enough to form those words before greedily diving back into her heat to make her whimper with need.

A second ticked by agonizingly slow and he didn’t think she would say it, but the Detective never stopped surprising him. “Fuck me… _please_.”

He groaned, deep and primal, with desire overflowing out of him.

A strangled yelp escaped her throat as he finally pushed his finger inside and regained the rhythm with his tongue on her clit. Chloe’s pants turned into the most delicious moans that had ever graced his ears, and it made a fresh wave of blood shoot to his already painfully hard erection. 

Lucifer growled into her as he kept pushing her farther and farther, and he could feel the pre-cum dripping from his cock sticking to his silk boxers. He began curling his finger inside her in response, as if he was getting back at her for almost making him come undone from her pleasure alone.

Inside her, her muscles were clenching in time with his thrusts, building into the rhythms of her hips and his tongue, and slowly, he pushed a second finger into her.

Chloe’s vocalization increased as Lucifer pushed his fingers inside her, building up her desire. Her moans had grown louder than before, but to him it still felt as if she was somehow holding herself back.

Not that he was making it particularly easy for her to do so. 

He felt her muscles tensing beneath him, her thighs tightening around his head and the shiver that ran through her entire body, and Lucifer opened his eyes just in time to see her fall over the edge.

Chloe’s release came with a breathless scream of his name and a pull of his curls that had Lucifer growling into her and pressing his erection to the mattress in a desperate attempt to control himself.

His tongue began lapping harder at her clit, his fingers pushing as deep as he could get, rubbing that rougher patch of skin inside her to prolong her orgasm as much as he could before he started to slow down, retreating his fingers and massaging her with his tongue. 

Chloe’s tight grip on his messy curls started to loosen up as a slight trembling took over her thighs, and Lucifer recognized his tell to stop.

He began peppering small kisses on her inner thighs, over the bite he’d left there and up onto both her hips, before he licked all traces of her from his fingers, savoring every last bit of it. 

Lucifer laid his chin on her stomach, letting his palms roam over her thighs and feeling as she relaxed and went boneless. His grin began growing impossibly broader as he watched her coming down from her high, all pretty and flushed and satisfied, and sprawled on his bed. Her hair everywhere around her and a beautiful smile adorning her lips.

The sight could give him a complex.

“That was....” Chloe let out a satisfied huff that lit up her features, her eyes at half-mast as she regarded him, and Lucifer couldn’t stop the proud smile from taking over his features. “You’re _good_.”

Witnessing the pleasure he could give others had always been his high.

Chloe’s hands reached out for his arms again, her grip gentler this time, but no less urgent. She pulled him up to cover her with his weight, linking her mouth to his to taste herself on his lips in an unhurried kiss.

It was lazy and messy and slow... and Lucifer loved every second of it.

His lips eventually left hers, unable to resist the pull of her exposed throat and to give her a moment to catch her breath. His teeth nipped down her skin until they found her pulse point, and it was a struggle against his self-control not to suck a mark there.

Chloe’s hand slowly found its way back to his free curls, fingers messily threaded in his locks as her nails scraped his scalp, and Lucifer felt complete bliss. Soon enough, her free hand reached out to ghost her touch over his low spine, her nails making goosebumps run along his skin.

The gesture made him painfully aware of his erection desperately pressing up into her thigh.

One daft, little hand sneaked in between them, reaching out to cup him though his silk briefs, and it made Lucifer let out an embarrassingly needy moan, a jolt of pleasure running through his entire being. It made his arms tremble in their effort to hold his weight over her without crushing her, but he wasn’t all strong. His head fell to the crook of her shoulder and he could feel her smirk on his neck.

Her fingers slipped beneath the bands of his briefs and she started to pull them down, ghosting her touch on his skin all the way. A gasp tore out of Lucifer’s throat when his cock met the crispy night air and it made him desperate to feel the heat of her body on his own.

His briefs were thrown carelessly somewhere he couldn’t care about, and when he turned back to her to settle between her thighs, his balance shifted.

Lucifer ended up with his back on the mattress, Chloe rising above him with her hair messily cascading down her shoulders and a light greyish blush covering her cheeks, and it made his mouth go dry, his cock twitching in response to the sight before his eyes.

His hands had instinctively ended up on her waist, so he let them wander over her thighs. One of them rose along her side, stopping just short of brushing her breast as she leaned down to kiss her way down his chest following a trail of freckles. His palms settled over her ass before one moved up feeling the bumps of her spine and got tangled in her hair. 

Chloe’s kisses suddenly stopped, but before Lucifer could complain, he felt the flat of her tongue running over his nipple and it ripped a surprised gasp right out of his throat. It made him shiver, his hands tightening their grasp on her, but he didn’t have too long to ponder on it.

She started making her way down his abs, her nails scratching his skin and making his muscles clench, and Lucifer was overwhelmed with anticipation. Chloe’s hands were sure when she finally griped his cock, her thumb running over the head to spread the pre-cum dripping all around him before her touch turned featherlight and began running down his length.

He closed his eyes, taken over by the bliss that came from her touch on his shaft, feeling the fire roar into an inferno inside him, and missing out on the moment she took him in her mouth.

Lucifer let out a hoarse groan when he felt the ghost of her teeth at the head, and his eyes flew open in a split second to watch her, his white-knuckled grip on the sheets being the only thing that was keeping him in place.

He could feel his hands itching to get buried in her hair, the need to feel her strands wrapped around his fingers, to feel her head bobbing on him so Lucifer could pretend he still had at least a thread of control over this and wasn’t completely at her mercy. But he could also feel the hellish strength running through his muscles, more unbridled as he gave up control to her, so the sheets would have to suffice.

“Fuck, Chloe…” It was breathless and filled with pleasure, and much more than he could take before his eyes fell closed gain.

Her tongue started to run experimentally through all his length, and Lucifer voiced his complete bliss in deep, loud moans and carefully chosen swear words, his tone getting hoarser and hoarser with every stroke of her tongue. And in his mind, he knew it was impossible for it to get better, but life certainly had a way to prove him wrong.

It was almost too much, even for his divine mind, to take when one of her hands started playing with his balls and the other laced thumb and index finger at the base of his cock, applying just enough pressure to make him wince and raggedly breathe out her name. 

But the way she slowed down just as he was about to reach the edge of orgasm had his eyes flying open, a desperate, needy whine escaping his lips. It was kind of a ridiculous one, but he couldn’t help it. When his eyes finally focused on hers, he saw her plant a kiss to the head and smirk.

Lucifer understood then what she was doing. Playing fire with fire, giving him back from what he’d done to her, taking him to the edge and retreating just as he’d done to her. But what she’d forgotten was that when you played with fire, especially with the Devil, you were sure to get burned.

But maybe later, because right then, she took him all in again, her cheeks hollowing around his shaft and all coherent thought escaped him.

It quickly became physically impossible for him to restrain himself. His hips were eager to thrust up and his legs could barely stay still, but Chloe caught onto his struggle and her hands soon settled over his hipbones to keep him in place.

Lucifer fell apart as she pushed him close to orgasm and retreated over and over again, until it felt like torture, but what a way to spend eternity…

But all this punishing couldn’t go on forever. The pressure of his upcoming orgasm built up over his lower belly, spreading up to his shaft. Chloe couldn’t stop it this time, and it didn’t seem like she wanted to.

His hands gently pressed on her cheeks to urge her up and she rose willingly, crashing her lips on his in an almost sweet kiss, her hands not too far behind. She tangled one in the soft curls around his nape, the other running her nails through his body on her journey up, coming to rest over the bite she’d marked on his neck earlier.

Lucifer raggedly pointed to the nightstand by his side, not managing to form words with her hands dancing all over him. Her breasts brushed his chest as she stretched out towards it, her cool nipples a stark contrast on his feverish skin. She came back with a handful of tissues to cover the head as she worked the last few strokes on his cock to break his mind and make him come with a hoarse cry of pleasure.

“Fuck, Chloe,” was all Lucifer could breathe out, his mind still half shut down. His voice was gravelly, and his throat was dry, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

She moved to straddle his hips, her hands trailing along the planes of his body, peppering kisses on his neck and his chest, giving him some much needed time to restart his mind. His hands drifted calmly over her back as he finally allowed his fingers to brush the edges of her hair.

Lucifer could feel his desire burning up again with every nip of her teeth, every open-mouthed kiss on his neck, every shiver she elicited from him, and his touch grew firmer on her, surer as he recovered. 

He felt her wetness on his abdomen and his cock twitched in response. With renewed energy, he pulled Chloe to him in a bruising kiss, his lips urgent on hers, one hand buried in her locks and the other massaging her breast.

She gasped into his lips and grinded down his body until she was sitting over his hardening erection. She grinded her hips down on his, his half hard cock rubbing against her lower lips, making them both cry out in pleasure. Chloe’s hand sneaked in between them to stroke him as she moved against him, and Lucifer was pretty sure his eyes rolled to the back of his skull.

One of his hands settled on her ass to help her move while the other joined hers on their grinding, pressing his thumb hard over her clit to make her gasp. The sight of her moving over him, eyes closed, head thrown back with a blush tinging her cheeks got him ready in seconds.

Chloe gripped his length and rose, and his hands went to her waist to help her move as anticipation built up in him. She positioned him at her entrance and began sinking down, taking him in inch by glorious inch. They shared a gasp, cursing and panting as she slid down his cock, the sensations making him see stars.

The urge to thrust up and bottom out inside her as quickly as he could, to feel her fully on him, to let her warmth and her desire consume him, was particularly strong, and Lucifer had to hold onto every little scrap of self-control he still possessed not to, afraid he’d hurt her.

But the way he could feel his cock stretching her muscles as she sank down… it was, dare he say, _divine_.

Despite his body’s urge to move, Lucifer stood as still as he could get, giving Chloe the time to adjust. Her walls began clenching around him in protest and he let out a blissful sigh.

Her hands came to brace on his chest while his went to her thighs to help her rise. And when she finally moved… he didn’t even have words to describe.

They started off slowly, but rhythm came quick to them, and the way her hips rolled as she sank down made him see stars. If her nails digging in his chest were anything to go by, she was as consumed about this as he was.

But it wasn’t enough.

She was too far away for his liking. Lucifer would rather have her wrapped all around him, feeling her breath mingling with his, feeling her skin sliding against his, feeling her shivers of pleasure on his palms. So, he rose to sit up, the movement surprising her. One of his hands went to wrap around her waist to help keep her steady while the other went to support himself.

His lips found hers in a long, deep kiss that left them both breathless. “You were too far away.” He felt her smile stretching over his lips, and it made something shift inside him, something pleasant that Lucifer didn’t quite know what it was.

The change in angle made him shudder when she moved, her moans getting out of her control for a second as he could now hit a place inside her Chloe seemed to like best. Her hands were settled on his shoulders to help her move, her nails digging into his skin bringing forth that fine line between pain and pleasure. Having her all around him was intoxicating.

Their lips brushed with every movement, but there was little they could do other than just breathe each other’s air, letting their gasps and their cries and their moans mingle together in a haze of lust. Still, Lucifer could feel her trying to be quiet.

His lips trailed kisses under her jaw as best as he could, before his teeth found her earlobe. “Let me hear you.” He panted into the shell of her ear, his tongue reaching out to lick that spot behind it that made her shudder. “Be as loud as you want, darling.”

Chloe shuddered in his arms, an underlying tension leaving her shoulders as she melted more fully into him, and Lucifer could actually feel her loosening up. Her moans escalated with each thrust until they were as loud as his were, and that was saying something.

He could feel his orgasm building and building, and with it rose a desperation to have her as close as possible. His grip on her waist was sure to bruise, and his stubble would leave burn marks on her neck, but he couldn’t help himself.

Lucifer felt her muscles tensing around him, their movements turning frantic and losing coordination, until she was crying out his name, her walls clenching around him as Chloe took him over the edge with her.

His arm tightened around her as hers ended up around him as well, both pulling each other closer, heads buried in the other’s shoulders as they tried to breathe. Lucifer’s mind blanked from bliss; his release sweeter than he’d ever thought it could be.

The strength vanished from his trembling arm with the force of his earth-shattering orgasm, so he collapsed back onto the bed, pulling Chloe along with him. His arms encircled her to keep her lying on top of him.

The tips of her hair prickled his feverish skin, and the niceness of her weight on him was the last thing he could concentrate on before his mind completely shut down. All willpower he had went to the huge smile that broke out in his face, making him look like an idiot, no doubt.

Chloe recovered before he did, and he felt her getting up. He didn’t want her to, but there was little he could do besides whine to stop her. When Lucifer finally managed to open his eyes, he found her straddling him, her hands on his chest, her hair framing her face, looking as gorgeous as ever while he was still a mess, lying boneless beneath her.

“Did I break you?”

Laughter spilled out of his lips, open and wide and happy. His hands began to roam her legs, his rhythm lazy and comfortable as he gathered strength to sit up again. Lucifer tangled a hand in her hair when he was close enough and kissed her, his lips soft on hers as he enjoyed every second of it.

“I think my brain might have just melted, yes.”

Chloe’s laugh, easy and comfortable, pulled at something inside him, something gentle that made him smile. Lucifer sat up properly this time, with both his arms loosely wrapped around her waist, and it made him happier than it should’ve.

“‘Might have?’ I thought it was a sure thing.” She remarked, and the sound that escaped his throat was definitely an interesting one, before he placed a lingering kiss to her lips.

“I guess we’ll just have to try again, then.” Lucifer offered in between kisses, trailing them on her jaw and her neck and behind her ear.

“Definitely.” She said before pulling his lips back to hers. Her hands tangled in his messy curls and he pulled her closer, moaning into the kiss.

“But maybe in a second…”

“Yeah.” Chloe complied almost immediately, her voice only a huff.

Lucifer let out a content sigh and dropped back onto the bed, pulling her to lay down on top of him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally, this bit was part of chapter 1 - and what a 10k word monster of a chapter that was. it wasn't until last week that I decided to split them into two to make it more digestible and follow a better flow. and to give people the opportunity to skip it if they wish.
> 
> sorry there's no proper story this chapter, but... I hope it made up for it? :p


	3. I just don't wanna let go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back with some proper story! hope you all like this one
> 
> \- CONTENT WARNING -  
> so... here we are again, with more smut. BUT. this happens - not exactly off screen - but it's not explicit at all. I mean, it's as least explicit as a on screen sex scene can be. it's all very vaguely descriptions and feelings, but if you still wish to skip, this chapter is consisted of three separate scenes marked by the horizontal brake lines. the sex happens at the middle of the third scene. I'm not sure where to say it properly begins, so... read until you're comfortable? you might want to check the last few lines, though.

The warmth of the morning sun bathing his skin was what rose Lucifer from deep slumber. He stretched his arms, his legs, his back, relishing on the residual ache in his muscles that only came from a night well spent.

Silk sheets hustled as someone shifted beside him and he turned towards the sound. His lids still heavy with sleep opened to grace him with the sight of Chloe stretched out in his bed. A spectacular night, indeed. 

She looked every bit as gorgeous with her hair all messy and unkept as she had had in the club with it falling in soft curls around her shoulders. But, somehow, she looked even more radiant in the morning light, as if it spoke intimately with the light he could feel inside her.

The stormy grey of her eyes danced along him, caressing his features and following the planes of his chest in an almost shy way. Lucifer had a comment about catching her watching him sleep at the tip of his tongue, but his lips stretched in a smile, instead, and he was loathed to ruin the peaceful moment.

“Hi.”

His smile quirked up at her simple greeting and he shuffled along the bed to press closer to her and place a kiss on her lips.

“Wha time s’ti?” Lucifer asked, his voice raspy from sleep, his lips brushing hers as he spoke.

“Still early.” Chloe said, scratching his scalp as her hand somehow ended up tangled in his hair once again.

He flopped back down on the bed, burying his head on his pillow in search for the last traces of sleep that still lingered on him. The days he woke up early were rare, even more so now that the days seemed all too bleak and boring. Her laugh, though… It vanished with every last trace of sleep still inside him, and it made him pout once Lucifer realized it was directed at him.

He moved in a split second, settling over her, covering her body with his and raining kisses down her neck. His stubble rasped on her soft skin and he was pretty sure it would leave marks that she’d berate him for, but his antics had her laughing, one hand buried deep in his curls, and Lucifer smiled.

He didn’t know what had overcome him, but he found himself kissing her in earnest, relishing in the way his tongue danced along hers and elicited a sigh from deep inside him. He didn’t know why he craved the feel of her skin on his, of her fingers running through his curls. But the strangest thing amongst them all was that he actually enjoyed having Chloe there in the morning.

With most bedmates, Lucifer would either not encourage them to stay the night or he’d usher them out in the morning – sometimes he’d just disappear into his bathroom and leave them to deal with Maze. 

This time it was different. The Detective came with a light, and despite not even knowing her for a single day, he had this strange urge to not let this end just yet.

Her alarm had other plans, though. It rang with a loud shrill, disturbing the otherwise calm and lustful quietness. Chloe startled beneath him before she pushed him off of her, quickly scouring out of bed in a hurry to gather her clothes.

“What’s happening?” Lucifer asked, leaning back on his forearms to watch her, his mind still hazed with lust and confused about the sudden change in her.

She turned to him, finishing buttoning her jeans, and he was assaulted by the memory of her in just that the night before, sprawled on his bed and waiting for him. The way Chloe’s eyes traveled down his chest had him smirking, glad to not be the only one affected there, but she dismissed her own thoughts too quickly for his tastes. “I have to go.” She said before she turned away and left to the living room, searching for the rest of her clothing.

“Now?” Lucifer asked, surprised by the reluctance in his tone.

“Yeah, sorry.” Chloe stepped back into his view putting on her top, and his mind blanked for a second as he tried not to drool at the sight of her. Naked or dressed, she was breathtaking.

“But what am I supposed to do if another criminal comes knocking on my door?” 

_Out of all the things that he could’ve said in that moment…_

Lucifer wanted to slap himself and his stupidity, but it made an unexpected smile break out in her features, and he couldn’t resent that.

“Oh, I don’t know. Call the police, maybe?” Chloe replied in between huffs, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

“I do know a certain detective, but… I don’t seem to have her number.” Lucifer shone her his best sultry smirk, hoping it would be enough to distract her from him making a fool out of himself. It was stupid, he was usually a much better flirt than this.

But her laugh filled the atmosphere around them, so maybe not a _complete_ idiot. “Here, put yours in and I’ll text you.” She said as she sat down by his side on the bed, handing him her phone as she put her shoes on. Lucifer lifted a petulant eyebrow at her, but made quick work with his number, making her roll her eyes at him. “I’ll _also_ call you later.”

“Good to know.” He handed her back the phone but used it in his advantage to pull her to lay down on top of him, one of his hands tangled through her hair as the other sneaked beneath her top to rest on her lower back and he kissed her.

Lucifer managed to distract her for a full minute before her phone began buzzing with a string of incoming messages that had them both groaning. “Sorry, but I really have to go.” Chloe made to get up and he reluctantly let her. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“But what am I supposed to do with this?” Lucifer asked as a last attempt to tempt her into staying, his eyes drifting to his erection barely hidden by the silk sheets.

He caught her gaze lingering by the barest of seconds before her eyes met his, hers full of mirth. “I’m sure you can manage.” Chloe offered before she disappeared into the living room and through the elevator and Lucifer dropped back onto the bed.

Later couldn’t come by fast enough.

* * *

The nighttime breeze was cool as it swept into the penthouse by the open balcony doors, a stark contrast to the heat that burned down Lucifer’s throat with each sip of his drink. He’d been sitting at his armchair since the sun had started to set, the sky now dark and prickled with lone stars.

As he watched the light grey disappear at the horizon, giving way to deep darkness, apprehension had been a constant thing inside him, as had his quiet phone in his hand. Highlights from his night with the Detective had been filling his mind all day, making his body respond in the strangest ways.

It had started with an erection that wouldn’t go away and quickly escalated into a fire consuming him, turning his skin feverishly hot and leaving him craving the refreshing, relieving touch of her hands.

But most of all, her presence had been marked with a light Lucifer couldn’t shake away. There was something unspoken about her, some otherworldliness in her that had him captivated.

His phone had been dancing in his grip all afternoon as his mind wondered about her, but not once had it rung with a call or a text from her ever since she’d left in the morning. He should’ve just gotten over it, Lucifer knew, but he couldn’t ignore the pull he felt towards her.

Wonderings about a possible divine origin had crossed his mind a few times by then, but he’d persistently shooed them out along with the underlying dread they’d brought forward. Something as bright and interesting and undeniably good as Chloe could never come from such a horrible place as Heaven.

And even though she hadn’t been touched by the horrors of his former kingdom, this wait she was putting him through was absolutely hellish.

In the end, his eagerness won out, and the next time his phone screen lit up was when he called her.

“Decker.” She answered on the first ring, her voice as professional as it got, and Lucifer refused to accept that his heart fluttered for a second. 

“Detective, excellent! I’d like to report a crime. You see, I gave my number to a stunning woman this morning, but it seems like she’s lost it.”

Her laugh cracking with static dripped from the speaker, surrounding him, and it tugged at something inside his chest, something he couldn’t name but that washed all the apprehension away. Chatter filled the background and he wondered if she was still working. It figured she would be the one that always stayed late instead of enjoying a night out. 

Preferably with him if he had a saying in the matter.

“I was just about to call you, actually.” Her tone took a shy turn and somehow Lucifer was sure that if he could see her, she would be blushing. He offered her an interested hum in return, and it was enough to encourage her to continue. “Sorry for the wait. This is my first break since I got in this morning.”

“Are criminals working you to a point of exhaustion? I thought that was my job.”

She snorted. “Hey, I kept up with you just fine last night.” The indignation in her voice made a grin break out in his features. 

She had kept up with him alright. Thrust after thrust, gasp after gasp, orgasm after orgasm. But when the sun broke out over the horizon…

“And then you ran this morning, so… Jury’s still out on that one.” He’d been feeling bereft all day after that, his skin hotwired for any touch but none of them were enough. None of them had been as relieving or soothing or _exhilarating_ as hers had.

“Some people actually have to work for a living, you know?”

“How terrible for you.” Lucifer commented off handedly, and her responding snort got him strangely proud. “Could I interest you in a rematch, then, since you left in such a hurry this morning.” 

“Ugh, I can’t tonight.” Despite her regretful tone, Chloe’s initial refusal had him feeling weird, like his insides dropped out all of a sudden. Lucifer gulped down his uncertainty and, like every problem in his life, ignored it in favor of a gorgeous woman. “I’ll definitely be free tomorrow, though. I’m working this really tough case and I have a stakeout later tonight, so I’ll have tomorrow off.”

“All day? I know just the way to relax.” His voice took that velvety edge, making his chest vibrate with each word. His body responded immediately to the prospect of an entire day of mind blowing, toe curling, _uninterrupted_ , heated, _sinful_ sex, and with her, nonetheless. “Should I get the hot tub ready, then? Polish the piano, maybe?”

Her laugh banished the tension he hadn’t even noticed gathering right out of his shoulders. Lucifer couldn’t help his excitement from settling in or the rush of blood that shot downwards at the memory of her hands all over him. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her on top of his piano ever since she’d mentioned it the night before.

“Unless you’d prefer some company at that stakeout of yours, of course. Get the fun started tonight. I’m sure I can find a way around those awful police cruises.”

Lucifer’s amusement was cut short by low background voices and a hand on the phone mic muffling her response. “Sorry, I have to go. I’ll see you _tomorrow_ , Lucifer.”

“As you wish. Best of luck with your bad guy, Detective.” Lucifer hang up with an eager smile and a newfound thrill for the night that not even Mazikeen’s insubordination could ruin.

* * *

The sun was shining high in the sky, its bright greyish glow illuminating the streets of LA. The day was building up into a typical Californian afternoon, unnaturally warm with sharply clear skies, but nothing about Lucifer’s behavior that day had stricken him as typical.

Usually, at this time of the day, he’d be off at some pool party or downstairs watching his dancers rehearsing a new set – or even out in the city by himself when he was feeling particularly bright. Even when he kept to the penthouse on a regular day, he’d most likely not be by himself.

On the rare occasions he did find himself craving his loneliness, Lucifer would retreat to the rooftop to feel the breeze messing with his hair, cooling his unnaturally heated skin, blowing away the never ending loudness in his mind – all the while continuously telling himself it wasn’t because he missed flying.

That particular afternoon had him trapped at his piano instead, engrossed in some tunes that he didn’t quite know where they’d come from. That specific harmony had been constant in his mind all morning. _Maybe for a bit longer,_ his consciousness whispered back, not that he was particularly keen on listening to it.

The soft notes filled the atmosphere, turning the breeze into a melody, so deep and consuming that Lucifer hadn’t heard the elevator moving or its doors opening. He hadn’t seen Chloe until she was standing right by his side.

A smile lit up her features as she watched his hands dancing over the ivory keys, and Lucifer couldn’t help but smile back. He made room for her to sit by his side on the piano bench as the song slowed down and, pressed as close to her as he was, it was impossible to miss the uneasiness building up inside her.

Lucifer wasn’t having any of that, not after the spectacular night they’d had just the day before.

It was easy to lean into her, to press his lips just behind her ear like he’d learned she liked. Chloe let out a trembling, but steadying breath in response, her hands rising to grip his lapels in search of some semblance of stability, and he could almost feel the uneasiness washing out of her.

“Hello.” Lucifer breathed out simply, getting a chuckle out of her in response. He reluctantly pulled away to allow her some space but did so with a smile.

“That was beautiful. What was it?” She asked, her voice drifting through the air like the tones of his melody had had mere moments ago. Her hands ended up in her lap again and Lucifer mourned the loss of contact almost immediately.

He quite liked having her hands on him. 

“I’m not sure, exactly.” He said, turning back to his piano with a frown taking over his features. “It just came to me.” 

His eyes found her again, his piano forgotten in her presence. The now messy braid keeping her hair locked away from him was a nice touch to the tough-as-nails detective. Loose hairs straying away, giving her that look of flawed perfection that was so innate to humans and Lucifer craved.

He was always so put together, so careful with his appearance – and who wouldn’t be, knowing the monster that laid beneath his glamour? This obsession with order he battled everyday was leftovers from his long repressed angelic side, Lucifer knew, but something deep inside his very being had always made him crave some chaos.

“You compose?” She asked, her voice breaking him out of his straying thoughts.

“Occasionally.” Lucifer replied, his eyes still caught up on her braid and how the different layers made the light grey of her hair shine differently in the bright afternoon sun. “Sometimes a few notes get stuck in my head and I can’t quite figure out where they came from and it seems as if they’re new, but then I’ll just end up remembering they belong to a song I had forgotten I knew. It doesn’t seem to be the case with this one piece, though.”

“That seems complicated.” Lucifer let out an open, surprised laugh in response, more amused by the concentration furrowing her brows than anything else. The Detective in her undoubtedly trying to solve the mystery of him. In the end, Chloe smiled back at him, soft and open, her detecting ways forgotten. “How many songs can you play without the scores?”

“Honesty? No idea. I wouldn’t even know where to start guessing.” He replied with a sigh, momentarily surrendering his mind to the ancient notes that sprung forward.

In his long, _long_ life, Lucifer had come into contact with the most diverse range of notes and songs. Some harmonies that were forever lost, some from instruments that would no longer ever come to be, unable to ever be played again.

Some came from kingdoms contemporary humans had never heard of, some came from famous, ancient traditions, some were modern, and some were even pop. Some of them came from Heaven, but none from Hell. There had only been screaming and pain in that retched place.

For a ludicrous second, Lucifer wondered if Chloe would ever believe him if he told her who he was. It was a stupid musing, he knew. She was a detective, _the_ Detective, and clearly a woman of logic. She wouldn’t take him for his word alone, no.

He’d have to _show_ her, and that was something Lucifer was rather keen on avoiding. He didn’t need this light she seemed to carry with her to know she was divine in every sense of the word, intrinsically _good_. 

His true face was only meant for sinners.

“Do you play?” He chose to ask instead, hoping to free his mind from those disturbing thoughts and inevitable rejections. And for the first time that night, he noticed how her eyes seemed to always linger on the piano.

“Nope. No, not even one bit.” Chloe hurried out to answer, her head shaking for longer than necessary. It was quite obvious there was more to it than just a simple refusal, but even Lucifer recognized the glowing sign not to push, at least not then.

Instead, his smile turned mischievous, and the guarded gaze that took over her eyes in response only spurred him further.

“Well, then you’ll be pleased to know we can do more than play on the piano.” Chloe lifted a questioning eyebrow at him, definitely amused at his turn in subject. “Music, that is. I’m quite fond of other types of playing.”

She let out a laugh as he leaned into her to trail kisses along her jaw. The only music he was interested in that moment was the symphony he could get out of her.

One of her hands rose to thread on the curling hair at his nape and he could hear the delicious, satisfied moan that escaped her lips, but despite her pleased response, Lucifer could sense something deep inside her holding her back.

“Alright?” He asked as he pulled her earlobe between his teeth and it made her grip on his hair tighten, her nails scraping against his scalp making him groan in delight.

Her hands soon found his jaw as she pulled his lips to hers, their kiss igniting a fire inside him that consumed him in seconds. Her hands started wondering down his neck, over his shoulders and chest as his settled on her waist, desperate to feel her close, to feel her melt into him.

Slowly, Lucifer pulled her to straddle his lap, making quick work of untangling the braid and freeing her locks for his fingers to get buried in. His hands started wandering her thighs, her ass, and he could feel himself already hardening when Chloe suddenly pulled back.

Lucifer froze in a split second, his eyes opening in a flash, and the sight that met him had him stuttering in awe. She looked stunning there, rising over him, with her hair all wavy and messy framing her face, her lips kiss swollen, and her eyes filled with lust. The sunlight filtering through the balcony windows behind her bathed her in an ethereal glow with a halo of light, and _divine_ was the only word that came to his mind.

He swallowed the lump that threatened to constrict his throat while trying to jumpstart his brain out of the lust meltdown she’d sent him into. Apprehension began growing behind his breastbone, creating an uncomfortable pressure that had Lucifer squirming in his seat, fearful he’d done something wrong. 

A sudden wave of panic tried to shift him out of control and, as a result, his grip on her thighs increased in strength before he could gather back control and stop himself from hurting her.

But as the seconds stretched on, their heavy breathing being the only sound disrupting the silence, Lucifer couldn’t stop the unbridled memories of staring down his Father in his youth, always waiting for the inevitable punishment.

“Uh…?” He began, not quite sure on what he meant to say, but it made something shift in her, enough to bring a new clarity to her full-blown pupils, but not enough to make her speak.

Her hands slid down to rest over his chest, one palm over his racing heart as she bit down her bottom lip in deep thought, and Lucifer couldn’t stop relieving the memory of doing it himself. It was vivid in his brain how soft that lip had felt between his teeth, the moan she had let out then, and how beautiful she looked now.

His cock twitched out in response to his wondering mind, and Lucifer forced his lust to the very back of his mind, but the way his erection was pressing to his zipper was uncomfortable to say the least. 

“Would you like to stop?” He asked, his voice surprisingly levelled all things considered. His suggestion broke her out of her mind and Chloe sucked in a deep, grounding breath, clarity returning to the beautiful light grey of her eyes.

“ _No_. No, it’s ugh... It’s- the opposite, actually.” She babbled, and Lucifer shone her a smirk but otherwise remained quiet, giving Chloe the time she seemed to need to gather her thoughts in order. “I, uh… I want to keep going, it’s just, I, uh… I… _I don’t even know your middle name!_ ” It burst out of her, her cheeks immediately greying up in response to her heated tone.

Lucifer, for one, blinked multiple times, taking in her serious expression every time he opened his lids, but no matter how many times he tried, he could not, for the life of him, follow her thoughts. “Come again, my middle name? What- I- Darling, I’m not sure I’m following you here…”

“It’s just… I’m a freaking _detective_ and I don’t know anything about you. I mean, for all I know you could be some creepy ass weirdo who wants to murder me.” The thoughts burst out of Chloe in quick succession, getting her worked up, but she made no move to get out of his lap, so Lucifer just linked his fingers around her waist as he tried to figure out what the bloody hell was happening there.

“Really, now? Me, a murderer?” He asked, one of his eyebrows lifting in response to his indignation. The look she shot back at him was a mixture of embarrassment and determination, with just enough fire to make her glow – a ‘is that really all you took from what I said’ look that got him even more aroused than before.

“You know what I mean.”

Lucifer sighed, setting his mind straight. There was a joke sitting just at the tip of his tongue, but the seriousness in her voice was palpable, and he didn’t doubt for a second she’d find grounds to arrest him for annoying a police officer. And if he was ever honest with himself, answering whatever questions she might have wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, not when he got to have her in return.

He’d been having to deal with bleak days for too bloody long, but sex with her was damn bright, mind-blowingly so. It always made something inside him flutter whenever he got her to laugh at him, and it had been a surprise to him how he appeared to be craving the company. 

He was supposed to be the walking heroin here, but one night with her and Lucifer was hooked.

So yes, he’d rather keep her close, constantly attached to his person preferably.

“If I answer, can I return to other more pleasant activities?” He asked as he leaned in, spacing out his words with kisses from the base of her throat to behind her ear.

It was ridiculous the seconds Chloe took to analyze his proposal, and he wasn’t sure if he’d rather know it was because of his distraction or because she was actually considering his offer.

“Sure.” She conceded a few agonizing seconds later, and Lucifer sighed in response, his tongue reaching out to taste her, delighted by the sigh he got in return.

“Well, I don’t have one.” He pulled back to face her just long enough to look into her eyes as he answered. He placed a soft kiss to her cheek before his lips resumed their place on the sensitive skin of her neck.

“ _How_ can you not have one?”

Lucifer pulled back with a groan, staring deeply into the bottom of her light grey irises in confusion. “I just don’t. Should I have one?”

“I don’t know. Everyone has.” The Detective replied in an off tone, her hands sliding down to curl on his chest as a light grey blush took over her cheeks. He could practically feel her tensing against him, questions spurring just behind her eyes as she tried to deny her curiosity.

“Why don’t we give the Detective a rest, eh?” Lucifer ducked his head to catch her downcast eyes as he spoke, a mischievous smirk taking over his features. “I promise I don’t want to murder you.”

A smile slowly broke through, a huff scaping her lips as Chloe relaxed into him again. He gave her a second to stop him as he leaned forward, placing his lips on hers for a slow kiss.

It all felt right in the world for a second as Lucifer got lost in her, but, unsurprisingly, she pulled back again.

He groaned at her string of apologies, but instead of stopping this time, Lucifer just shifted to the other side of her neck intent on distracting her as he went for that place behind her ear that always had her squirming.

“I, _ugh_ … I know, _I know_ , but… just-” Chloe carded her fingers on the short hairs of his nape, her other arm wrapping around his shoulders to press her breasts to his chest. “What’s your favorite food?” It blurted out of her, her muscles tensing beneath his hands in response, and it was the opposite of what Lucifer had wanted. He was okay with the questions, maybe just not on that particular moment.

“German, probably, but I’ll eat almost anything. Preferably you, though.” He answered truthfully, hoping to reassure her and stop her tensing in his presence. Lucifer felt the shiver that went through her, the memory of her taste in his tongue making him lightheaded. His hands ended up cupping her ass and he pulled her closer, eliciting a gasp out of her. “Yours?”

Chloe pulled away again, a confused look taking over her eyes this time, making her seem strangely enticing with her messy hair and the pretty flush taking over her cheeks.

“If I have to answer, so do you.” He clarified before returning to his favorite place on her neck.

“Mexican.” Chloe breathed out as he lightly bit a mark on her shoulder, making her gasp.

“Do you have a hobby?” She asked, breathless. Honestly, Lucifer was surprised she could still form full sentences when he was already hard and ready.

“I like music.” He said as one of his hands rose to cup her breast, the other wrapped around her waist to keep her steady. He was about to ask back, the words slowly forming on his tongue, but she chose that moment to start moving on top of him and questions became the very last things in his mind then.

She started grinding on his erection slowly, but the movements seemed to go unnoticed by her. Instead of gasping as Lucifer did, Chloe’s brain came up with another question. “What-”

He stood with her in lieu of answering, making her gasp in surprise. She tightened her hold around his shoulders, her legs linking around his waist as he walked them to the back of his piano. Lucifer sat her on top of it and pulled away long enough to meet her gaze.

“ _Chloe_. Orgasms now, questions later.” He said, his eyes staring into the bottom of her soul. Not even a second later, he was deeply consumed in her.

Her hands made quick work of his shirt – not forgetting the cufflinks this time – and it was off in no time. Hers soon followed with just as much deft on his part, but what it uncovered had him taking pause.

Lucifer’s eyes widened at the sight of the blackish bruise marking low on her ribs, stretching almost to the middle of her stomach and over her back. His eyes bored on hers, wide and surprised, and only then did he notice the small cut on her eyebrow, and the little swelling along with it. His hand found hers and he felt the broken skin on her knuckles, and it relieved a tad of the tension that had built up in his chest.

“I told you yesterday. Tough case.” Her voice seemed even smaller in the vastness of his open penthouse, and her clarification did little to calm his mind.

Lucifer wanted to ask, wanted to know what had happened, how, why, _who_ he had to punish for ever hurting her. He could feel the hellfire inside him pulsing with the prospect of punishment, vibrating through him along with his anger. But he had said questions later, so he held tight into that bubble of worry and pushed it back into the corners of his consciousness where he could revisit it later.

Now, he kissed her, slow and deep, careful even. His fingers ghosted over her injury as he went to unclasp her bra and Chloe shivered, but not from pain.

Her pants came off next, his hands running over every new batch of skin uncovered with gentle touches followed by heated, open mouthed kisses. His own trousers and underwear soon followed hers, and when Lucifer finally climbed on top of the piano with her, the wood creaked under his added weight.

“Do you think the piano can take it?” Chloe asked, her eyes wary when they met his.

“It better, it’s a Steinway.” He sent a worried gaze to the legs of his piano, but when he looked back at her, all thoughts left his mind as he was overtaken by the tsunami of his own desire. “Well, only one way to find out.”

With the touch of their lips, the creaking of the wood was forgotten.

And if Lucifer’s touch was gentler, if his kisses lingered for longer, if he took his time in exploring her and if his thrusts were slower and deeper and more fulfilling, if he pulled her closer when they came together, then… well. No one would know but her.

A carefree laughter spilled out of their lips as they enjoyed the return from their bliss. Lucifer sighed, content, pressing featherlight kisses to every batch of skin he could reach, while Chloe’s nails scraped down his spine.

“I have to say, I thought it would’ve been easier.” She commented, her words forcing Lucifer’s mind back into a somewhat functioning degree.

“Yes, I wasn’t counting on the slipperiness, as well.” With all the practice he had with silk sheets, he wasn’t expecting his hands and knees to slip so much. At one point, Lucifer had been worried his thrusts would keep moving them further and further over the piano, but gladly they finished just short of the edge. “Perhaps it would’ve been better if we’d remained on the bench. Or perhaps if it was just you on top of the piano.”

The mental image she had conjured in his mind of herself on the piano as he ate her out, his hands playing her as she sang his name, stirred his lust back into a full-blown fire. In the end though, mind-blowing orgasm aside, Lucifer was just glad the instrument hadn’t collapsed with them on top of it.

“It wouldn’t count, though.” Chloe commented and he rose an inquisitive eyebrow in response. “I mean, you promised me piano sex – or, I promised you, I think. I don’t know. Either way, it has to involve the piano, otherwise it’d just be regular sex at an awkward position.”

Well, Lucifer was pretty confident they could make do with the ‘awkward positioning’, but he could see her point. Personally, he’d never had the desire to have sex with one of his partners on the piano itself – some kissing and foreplay, sure, maybe even some handjobs – the instrument was much too important for him to ruin it, but with her, he hadn’t been able to stop imagining it since she’d suggested.

“As far as piano sex goes, I think we did a good job.” Chole commented off handedly, her fingers threading through his messy curls.

“ _Good_? More like spectacular, I’d say.” Lucifer said with mock offense, enjoying the feeling of her laughter so close to him, how it made her chest vibrate, her nipples rasping on his skin.

“I mean, you did slip quite a lot.”

“Well, you try doing most of the work next time, then.” He rolled off of her to give her some space to breathe, trying to keep his offended look, but her touch followed his movements and he couldn’t hold onto it for long. His dopey smile returned the second his eyes settled back on hers.

“While I don’t have any other pianos up here, I do have some tables if you’re interested in trying new furniture...”

Later found them stretched on his bed, the afternoon sun long gone, leaving way for the starry prickled sky. Lucifer was laying down in bliss with Chloe next to him, sheets pooling low over their flushed skin glistening with a thin layer of sweat that came from great sex.

He set his inquiring eyes on her, watching her squirm under his gaze. The bruising in her ribs seemed even more preeminent in the dark of the night, but he pushed that aside. It was nice, simply laying down in bed with her by his side, and he wasn’t particularly keen on ruining it with his ire. He didn’t have a clue of why, but Lucifer felt weirdly connected to her, as if something buried deep inside him had recognized itself in her and yearned to reach out. 

He could answer some questions if that meant he’d get to keep seeing her, to continue whatever this was between them. To explore whatever it was about her that had him so intrigued.

“Alright, have at it.” He announced, enjoying how her features morphed into surprise, the thin furrow in her brows as she tried to keep the Detective at bay.

“What?”

“Ask all the questions to your heart’s delight, and I’ll do my very best to answer them.”

“Really?” Chloe asked, some kind of wonder in her tone. She shifted to lay closer to him on her side, her hand supporting her head as she bored her eyes in his.

By the pleased glow brightening her light grey irises, Lucifer was sure he’d made the right choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so I had someone ask why I keep describing things as grey and such and I thought I might make it more explicit(?) cause it's an important part of the AU and I always had a feeling that I didn't explain it correctly. so, I describe everything as grey because colors are the markings of soulmates, so you can only start to see them after you've met yours. so, the fact that Chloe and Lucifer both can't see them... :D
> 
> and it was actually much harder than I thought it would be to write this fic without mentioning colors at all. especially the last chapter. I had to constantly keep proof reading because I kept referring to golden hair and eye colors :p


	4. you can make it feel so real

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- CONTENT WARNING -  
> here we are again with the smut... period sex here guys (do people still warn for that?) it's not graphic or described at all, but better safe than sorry. chapter is divided into four scenes and the sex is mentioned at the beginning of the third, so skip that one if you want

The city was spread out beneath her, twinkling in the dark like a mat of crisscrossed and prickled lights. Above it, at Lucifer’s penthouse, where the mess of the city had no place, Chloe was melting away on the water. The scalding heat from the hot tub diluted all the tensions of her day away, the steam drifting through the crispy night air, and Lucifer’s arms around her were the only thing keeping her from floating away.

She hadn’t felt this relaxed in weeks, not since before she had decided to arrest John Marrick at Lux well over a month ago. She hadn’t had a second to relax ever since, where she hadn’t had to look over her shoulder every single moment for the corrupt officers Marrick had had in his payroll and were now being traced in the precinct.

Surprisingly enough, this _thing_ she had going on with Lucifer was the only thing keeping her sane.

Being hated by everyone at the station wasn’t easy, but every time she stepped out of his elevator, Chloe was able to let it all go away for a while. Lucifer had a way of making her forget all about her worries that should concern her, but all it did was make her glad for him.

She’d never done something like this before – or, well, she hadn’t done something like this since she was still trying to be an actress. She hadn’t had a one-night stand in years, especially a one-night stand that lasted for more than one night, or, in his case, weeks.

She’d had boyfriends, sure – and that one girlfriend in high school – but for an important time in her life, Chloe had been committed to waiting for her soulmate. The colors, especially now that she was a detective, had always intrigued her, but… if she was ever honest with herself, that quest of hers went far deeper than just curiosity.

Her dad’s passing had hit her hard… and she’d come to crave the certainty of knowing someone else undoubtedly loved her back. She needed the surety of knowing they weren’t going to leave her so suddenly, not like her dad had.

But as the time started to pass and her soulmate was nowhere in sight, Chloe just gave up. It was pointless to keep herself from enjoying life as everyone around her did, but the surety of knowing she wouldn’t miss out on Love when she came across it set her at ease. And when work came and consumed most of her free time, she didn’t mind.

She’d notice the colors and deal with them whenever they came around.

The only rule of hers that had always remained constant was never getting attached to someone grey.

So far with Lucifer, she was blowing all of her previous guidelines away.

He certainly had a way of bypassing all of her insecurities and allowing her to be more open about who she wanted to be, far from who the world had forcefully shaped her into to fit. Far from the respectable image she had to present at the precinct to be taken seriously, far from the actress she had forced herself into to please her mother or the guarded person she pretended to be for herself.

He had a way of getting under her skin so easily, making her let go of all of her worries so easily, that she was afraid. Afraid of who she really was when no one was looking or enforcing social pragmatisms on her.

With him, the colors didn’t matter, her strict self didn’t matter. He valued her for her company, he believed in her work, and she valued him for his honesty, and this tentative friendship they were building.

Another thing Lucifer so deftly threw away was her inhibitions. Never before had Chloe reenacted her terribly cringy scene from Hot Tub High School for someone else – she’d rather forget about that time of her life entirely on most days, thank you very much – but as he continued to place featherlight kisses along her neck and shoulders, she remembered why exactly she’d agreed.

His open appreciation of her did wonders for her self-esteem, and it took all of her willpower not to drool over him, with water all over his toned, chiseled chest and his hair all curly. The steam engrossing them gave him that mysterious edge he seemed to favor, but for her, it was his curls that did it. She’d always preferred her men a bit messy because of her, and in his case, it was especially pleasing because of how so put together he always was.

Chloe had only tried hot tub sex once before, with her co-star from the movie of all people – and what a terrible experience it had been – but as Lucifer continued to run his hands all over her, nibbling on that place by her ear that always made her shiver, she forgot all about why she’d thought this would be a terrible experience again. She had yet to have a displeasing moment with him.

“Any chance I can get you to properly watch the movie with me?” Lucifer asked, his voice dripping with humor, but knowing him as well as she’d come to these past few weeks, Chloe knew there was a degree of truthfulness to his question. 

She snorted, feeling his chest vibrating with laughter behind her where it was pressed to her back, his arms tightening around her waist. Who knew, if he kept being such a delight to be around as he was, she might be convinced.

* * *

The moon shone high in the sky, its faint greyish glow illuminating the dark streets of LA. Downstairs, Lux was at full swing. The beat was loud and enticing, the mingling of bodies on the dancefloor heated and sexual. The club screamed desire and debauchery, but its owner was nowhere in sight.

A text from his Detective had changed Lucifer’s plans for the evening and he was _excited_. He’d been feeling bereft all week, his skin burning feverishly hot with a yearning inside him he could barely contain. It was Friday already, for Dad’s sake. At that point in the week, he was already vibrating with anticipation, not that her work had been particularly considerate of his situation.

Every time it seemed the Detective had caught a break, another criminal came around demanding all of her attention. Honestly, Lucifer still had no idea how he’d survived so many blue balls.

But when the elevator to his penthouse finally opened that night, he let out a relieved sigh. Lucifer shot upright from his place on the couch, his eyes fixed on Chloe as she walked in.

She looked a special kind of bright that night. He could almost swear the light was actively seeking her out to make her shine. Her hair cascaded down her shoulders in carefully messy locks, their light grey standing out softly in the dark. Her jeans, Lucifer was glad to notice, were a bit on the tighter side that night, perfectly hugging her toned thighs in a tantalizing way that fit the lustful gaze in her eyes. 

Lucifer groaned at the sight. That fire that had been consuming him slowly all week exploded into life, and he felt a fresh wave of blood rushing downwards from his brain. He could practically feel the desire burning in her from across the room, making something pleasant in him vibrate with every step forward she took.

When Chloe finally sat by his side on the couch, he’d already been thoroughly consumed by the barely contained hellfire inside him.

He’d been sleeping alone for days now, always missing her warmth by his side, the calming relief of her touch.

It took him a second to notice the underlying straightness to her shoulders and the effort she seemed to be making to avoid meeting his gaze, despite the avidness Lucifer contemplated her with. For a moment he thought it was only in his mind, but it became painfully evident when he leaned in to kiss her as he usually did, and instead of Chloe reaching for his hair, her hands barely gripped his lapels to pull him closer before she completely pushed him away.

Lucifer pulled back to find her pupils blown wide, her dark gaze fixed on him. Her fingers flexed on the material of his jacket and he knew she wanted to bury them in his hair. What he didn’t know, and that frankly disrupted him, was why she was holding herself back.

“What’s wrong, darling?” He asked, hoping to break what he’d come to recognize whenever she talked about her peers in her eyes, that strange thing that took hold of his chest whenever she seemed to think their prejudice was her fault.

Lucifer absolutely hated that look in her light grey irises, especially if it was there because of him. He’d take the soft glow of curiosity over this gloom in any given day.

The Detective let out a self-deprecating huff, her eyes fixed on the marble floors. “I don’t even know why I’m here.” She said, her low tone almost too faint in the oppressive darkness of the night.

“Why, to fulfill all of your desires, of course.” Lucifer said back, his voice dripping with lust and that alluring tone of his that never seemed to work properly on her.

He could see the battle between getting up and walking away and staying by his side on her eyes as her arms tightly wrapped around herself. But, beneath all this conflict, her lust was still going on high, her desire carefully contained within her walls.

“We can’t…” Chloe was reluctant in her denial, her eyes finding his gaze too heavy to bear. 

Lucifer knew this probably wasn’t about him, he really did know that. But deep down, he couldn’t contain the surge of that sickly familiar feeling of rejection that was like bile in his throat.

It was stupid and it had no business taking residence inside him. He shouldn’t be feeling this, this _rejection_ , this… hollow sense of being abandoned.

Lucifer couldn’t even begin to fathom why this was happening. He hadn’t even known Chloe for that long, and she was a bloody human, for Dad’s sake. Some human that glowed with soft light and had brightened his increasingly bleak life, but just a human in the end. 

He didn’t know why he’d expected more. Why he thought this time might’ve been different.

But he had. And it hurt. Lucifer wasn’t prepared for it to hurt.

Everyone he knew had come to reject him, eventually. At this point in his life, he’d expected to be used to it. To be numb, at least.

On the outside, Lucifer simply offered her a tight-lipped smile, until he noticed the greyness rising up her cheeks. Her eyes couldn’t stay on his for long, but she hadn’t moved from the couch.

She’d stayed. Despite not wanting him anymore, she remained. Despite not knowing why, she’d still come anyway.

She’d still texted him throughout the week, had still looked at him with desire. She hadn’t walked away. 

The realization shook those awful memories out of his mind as his eyes turned curious on her. The grey in her cheeks deepened in response, until she was practically squirming under his gaze.

“I’m- I’m on my period…” Her voice was barely above a whisper, but the relief it brought him was as sweet as his release and it left him lightheaded all the same.

A smile slowly began taking over his lips, and Lucifer could feel the fire of his desire burning back into life and consuming him whole.

“Ah, to the shower, then?” He asked, hoping beyond hope he’d managed to keep the relief from his tone. “Or maybe the bathtub if you feel like doing all the work.” Chloe’s eyes shot back into his, wide with surprise, and it made his heart stop mid beat inside his chest, and… had he gotten it wrong again? “Unless you’d… rather not…? I- Apologies, love. I don’t mean to pressure you.”

Lucifer swallowed past the lump in his throat, trying to shrink the fire consuming him back into embers and putting some distance between them on the couch before he lost his threadbare self-control.

“No, it’s- You’re not grossed about it?” Chloe asked, her voice taking a strange downturn he didn’t quite understand. Sometimes, humans were the strangest of creatures.

“It’s just a tad bit of blood.”

It was almost comical the way her features shifted from shock at his answer to the same desire that had been so blatant in her when she’d walked in, realizing the implications of his words. Her hands reached out for him before he could process the movement, gripping his lapels to pull him closer and allow her lips to devour his.

Lucifer responded in kind, pulling her closer until she was straddling him. He had to say, he quite liked this turn of events. It was especially pleasing to see Chloe like this, all aroused and so little in control because of him – _finally_ because of him. Even if his powers didn’t work on her, he could feel a step closer to understanding her.

And, of course, it was reassuring to know he wasn’t the only one losing control in whatever this was between them.

Lost in the throes of desire, his hands rose to cup her breasts, but he pulled back when she hissed on contact.

“Sorry, too sensitive.” Chloe said between kisses, her voice deliciously breathy, pulling out a groan from him.

Lucifer wanted to pout, even argue perhaps. He quite liked her breasts, the feel of them on his palms, having her nipples on his mouth, the way her breathing always hitched when he ghosted his teeth on the underside… but he guessed there were better uses for his energy.

Lucifer picked her up effortlessly and walked them to his bathroom, knowing not even the shower would be able to put out the fire she stirred inside him.

* * *

Oh, Chloe knew it was a bad idea, but _damn_ did it feel good…

She’d taken a water aerobics class once – and that one hydrotherapy after an accident during police academy – so she knew. She knew it was easier to move now, even if half the water that had once filled the bathtub was now out of it.

She also knew her legs would hurt like hell after this, but, as she rose and sunk on top of Lucifer over and over again, feeling him stretching her inner muscles and shivering beneath her in pleasure… _and those sounds he was making…_ Chloe never wanted to stop.

They fell over the edge with breathless cries, his teeth sinking into her skin just this side of strong enough to mark as her nails dug into his shoulders in retaliation. She should scold him for all this marking he was getting used to – some of his more elaborate hickeys were hell for her to hide – but in that moment, boneless and breathless, with his arms tight around her waist and his face tucked into the crook of her shoulder and the scalding water surrounding her thighs, Chloe could almost forget it.

Lucifer began to trail small kisses down her throat, his palms massaging her very tired legs, and before she knew it, he was kissing her beneath the shower, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist as he held her up. The cold tiles pressing into her back were a stark contrast to the warmth of him pressing on her front, and Chloe gasped as he filled her again, glad to have him doing all the work this time.

When orgasm crashed upon them this time, it came with a careless laughter. She kissed him then, letting the spray of warm water wash away all the tension that had built up on her shoulders. There was nowhere else in the world she’d rather be, Chloe thought, as Lucifer wrapped his arms around her and let out a little content sigh.

The kiss he placed on her lips before he exited the shower was a soft little thing, filled with so much more that she was scared to recognize. 

“Feel free to help yourself to anything in my closet, darling.” Lucifer’s voice drifted through the misty air as he dried himself before wrapping the towel low around his waist. She barely had any strength left in her legs at that point, but the sight of him, with little droplets running down his chest made heat pool low on her belly all the same. “There should be everything you might need in the cabinets here.”

She barely saw him leave through the fog that had taken over the bathroom, but the way his voice carried thought the air made her insides chill in remembrance. Never before could she have guessed she had a thing with voices.

Well, _his_ voice, anyway.

After showering, Chloe settled for a simple white button-down shirt, the one he’d worn the night they’d met if she remembered correctly. Lucifer’s closet was _huge_ , and the detective in her yearned to explore – especially those band t-shirts she’d seen carefully tucked to the side and out of view.

But while Lucifer prided himself in being an open book, Chloe knew it was more of a front than he’d like to admit. For all of his strict adherence to the truth, he was certainly quite good at skirting around it. And sometimes, he was blatant enough with it to diverge attention to what he’d rather keep to himself. 

In all reality though, she was scared of what she might find in his sock drawer.

Chloe descended the couple steps into the main area to find Lucifer rushing all around the room, his silk robe flying behind him and the wildest curls she’d ever seen nested on top of his head. The scene made a smile blossom in her features, her delight turning into surprise when she noticed the pile of blankets he was carrying and the tubes of ice cream on the coffee table.

His eyes were fixed on hers, wide and startled, as he froze like a child getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar. It gave him that boyish look so far from his playboy persona, with the curls running wild in his head and a soft look in his eyes, that it made her smile broaden in return.

It made Chloe remember of how her mom had always said the eyes were the windows to the soul. She had always just assumed it was because of the colors – her mom had always walked the extra mile to brag about them, after all – but now, after meeting Lucifer, she knew how wrong she’d been.

His eyes were always so expressive, so bright and filled with emotion that it was hard to associate him – the real him he tried so hard to hide – with the careless, inappropriate playboy she’d thought he was in the beginning.

“Right, uh…” He stuttered before averting his eyes back to the couch, a greyness rising up the back of his neck to the very tip of his ears. “I wasn’t, uh… I- the internet said that-”

Lucifer dropped the blankets on the couch in favor of fiddling with the sleeves of his robe, something she’d picked up as a nervous jitter of his. Chloe, on the other hand, couldn’t keep the fondness off of her smile even if she tried.

“Is this wrong? Right, of course it is. I’ll just throw it all out…”

Chloe made her way to him before he had the chance to destroy everything in his haste to make it all disappear. She watched as his babbling grew quieter and quieter with every step forward she took, until he was standing stiller than a statue in front of her.

He was like a string drawn taut, ready to snap at any moment. The tension she could feel running through him alone when she placed her hand on his forearm was enough to convince her of how wrong her first impression of him had been. So, Chloe raised to her tiptoes, hands bracing on his chest for leverage so she could place a soft, lingering kiss on his lips.

“Thank you.” She said, letting her hand cup his cheek for a moment, her thumb scratching his scruff. “It’s perfect.”

Lucifer’s eyes grew comically wide in response, that hopeful but weary glow in them like _‘maybe I did get this right after all’_ that hurt her so damn much every time. He could be so precious sometimes, like when he tilted his head in confusion in that way that made him look more avian than human. This world most certainly did not deserve him.

Lucifer was pliant when Chloe pulled him to the couch with her. She wouldn’t even comment on his sudden quietness or the soft, tentative reverence in his touch. It was easy – easier than she might like to admit – to reach for one of the tubes of ice cream and settle into his side, to pull Lucifer’s arm around her and get used to his warmth enveloping her as he thawed from shock.

It wasn’t as if this was new in any sort of way. They always ended up lingering on each other, on those few minutes after they came when they were too spent to let go, or when she woke up to find they’d drifted closer while they slept.

Lucifer had a way about him that always seemed to urge her closer, it was maybe why she hadn’t outright dismissed him the night they met. Chloe could almost feel this gleam he had, this light, and she had resisted that urge to let herself drown in his dark eyes.

Until now.

She’d always been an overthinker, over-analyzer, but this time… this time she’d let it pass. For once, Chloe would allow herself to indulge, to give in. Let go of the serious detective she had to be when the world was watching.

Even if the blankets Lucifer had gotten them had sleeves on them. 

“Snuggies. Really?” She asked, trying and failing to keep the laughter out of her voice.

For all the cocky playboy vibes Lucifer wanted to exude, he sure could be soft on the inside.

“Yes, well…” His voice trailed off as he cleared his throat, blood rushing up to the back of his neck. Turnabout was fair play for all the times he’d made her blush.

* * *

__

_**Lucifer**_

_Today_

 _Lucifer: do you think caterpillars know that they’re going to be butterflies or do they just build a cocoon and be like what the bloody hell am I doing?_  
3:43AM 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for the support, really! I just wanted to say thank you to every one of you who took some time to comment. you guys make my day!
> 
> and if you stuck around this far... i know there's like barely any plot here, BUT I PROMISE IT'S COMING. it's just going to take a little bit more. this first part is mostly focused on their personal relationship and how they both evolve as people from it.
> 
> also, text messages! now that they're all cozy with each other some text messages will pop between scenes. I hope the format is easy enough to recognise :p


	5. please don't ask me why (just kiss me this time)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the little delay in uploading this. took me a long time to adjust the formatting on this one :/
> 
> \- CONTENT WARNING -  
> you know the drill :p  
> mentions of and briefly depicted smut on the very beginning of the fourth scene of this chapter. it's actually really brief and not really relevant. the bit after it is though, so... I don't know what to do here :p

__

_**Lucifer** _

_Today_

_Lucifer: if everyone lost the ability to sneeze, how long do you think it would take for us to notice?  
10:54AM_

* * *

If there was one thing Lucifer was used to, it was drawing out people’s desires. It had been his thing ever since he was a good little angel, only doing Dad’s bidding, even before he knew of Hell.

And if he was ever honest with himself, it was _thrilling_. Being able to draw out whatever people wanted the most, their secret hidden urges and carefully concealed desires and fulfilling them afterwards… it was a high no other drug had ever been able to recreate.

But one thing people always wondered about was what could possibly be the Devil’s deepest desire. What could an immortal being possibly want out of life that they hadn’t had yet.

On any other day, Lucifer would’ve said freedom, _free wil_ l. The chance to live his own life in his own terms, to be his own person, to be responsible for his actions and his mistakes. To be away from his Father’s influence so he could finally _breathe_.

After he met Chloe, though?

His deepest, darkest, most vicious desire… was to throw her phone out from his balcony and hope beyond hope that the bloody thing would finally stop ringing when they were together.

It was the third time that week that they’d been interrupted by some low life criminal or an incompetent detective demanding her immediate attention, and honestly, Lucifer was regretfully growing used to it. Not that it made watching her leave any easier, though her backside was glorious all on its own. 

His frustrations only made him more determined to keep her there this time, even if it meant intertwining his fingers behind her back to keep her from leaving the couch.

And as Lucifer laid there, too happy to just have her lying on top of him, his skin still tingling from her lips and his chest vibrating as she spoke, he began to wonder when exactly he’d gone from the womanizing playboy to this idiot who resented criminals for calling his Detective away…

* * *

__

_**Lucifer** _

_Today_

_Lucifer: what do you call a dictionary on drugs?  
1:22PM_

__

_You: if you say an addiction-nary I’m gonna shoot you  
1:23PM_

_Lucifer: I was going to say high definition  
Lucifer: but yours is better  
1:23PM_

* * *

Being vocal during sex had never been something that came easily to Chloe. Neither was physically marking her partners, but with Lucifer… he certainly had a way of carrying her away. He was always so open and honest about his own desires that it made her comfortable to explore more that side of her, sure that he’d never judge her for it.

That was why she’d forgotten about his back for a second, why she’d ran her hand up following the bumps in his spine, lost in her pleasure, feeling his taut muscles as she went… until her fingertips brushed the underside of his scars.

Her breath got caught inside her lungs as she went stiff beneath him, eyes wide and alert for pain. Chloe felt the shivering shock that ran through him and made Lucifer gasp. Her eyes widened as the longest second of her life ticked by, while worry that she might’ve hurt him nagged in her mind. 

An apology was already falling from her lips before she had even fully returned to herself, but Lucifer kissed her before Chloe could say anything, his lips hard and searing on hers, almost desperate, as his thrusts picked up speed with renewed energy…

…his hands just this side of bruising on her hips as he pulled her closer, his beard burning the soft skin of her neck, her nails digging into his shoulders…

…as the both of them tipped over the edge in seconds.

The moon was bathing them in a soft light when they finally got their breaths back much later. Lucifer was sprawled on his front in the bed, head buried in his pillow and an arm draped over her waist, completely spent. Chloe, for once, was wide awake, leaning on her side, one of her hands buried in his curls and her chest heavy from her earlier misstep.

“I’m sorry. I-” Her worried voice broke through the encompassing quietness, making Lucifer sluggishly flutter his lids open. She sighed as she pulled her hand back, briefly touching his cheek as she went. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“It’s alright, darling.” He gave her a brief smile back, but while she knew he meant it, Chloe could almost see his walls struggling to stay down in his eyes. “I wasn’t sure if you’d noticed _them_ before.”

She reached out to cup his cheek again, her thumb moving slowly, feeling his stubble prickling her skin as she shone him a gentle smile. It was impossible for her not to be soft with him when he melted under her touch every time, his walls easier to keep down now.

His eyes fell shut for a second as he let out a heavy sigh, and when he opened them again to meet her gaze, it was impossible not to recognize the pain so evident in his dark orbs. There were moments, very few and far apart, when Lucifer looked entirely ancient.

“I, uh… saw them on the mirror at the bar. When we, uh…” It was ridiculous that she could still feel the cold glossiness of the piano on her back contrasting with the heady, hot feel of his body that covered hers, warm and sweaty above her, and the smug smile Lucifer shone her only worsened the heat in her cheeks.

But his smirk didn’t reach his eyes and when his gaze fixed on hers, there was a somberness to him that felt out of place on his joyful nature. Chloe didn’t recoil from his searching gaze this time; she knew him enough by now to wait for him to figure out what he needed from her.

“You can touch them, if you’d like…” His eyes fell away from hers, his voice tentative when he spoke. His tone was so contrasting with his usual gleeful way that it left her feeling unsettled inside.

Chloe took in a deep breath, her eyes staring at the bottom of his own. No matter how much Lucifer seemed – and constantly claimed to be – an open book, she knew it was more of a front than he liked to think. Thankfully for them, she’d learned how to read him by now.

“Are you sure?” Her voice was small in the vastness of the dark city beyond the windows, but it somehow felt right. Just the two of them, safe from the world for once.

His eyes didn’t leave hers as he shifted closer, fully exposing his back to her. It was a _horrible_ , monstrous thing that had no place marring him. A thing that stretched painfully from the top of his shoulder blades to the middle of his back, marbled and irregular and painful like it had no right to be.

“I trust you.” Lucifer’s voice sounded hoarser by the second, but who could fault him. The open vulnerability so clear in his misty eyes would forever be engraved into her mind.

The first few seconds as Chloe reached out felt like an eternity, his pain so far away from the surface Lucifer used to live on that it felt unsurmountable for a time. But the moment her fingertips touched his skin and his hiss broke through the nightly air, it was the quickest second of her life.

Chloe rushed to pull away, an apology hastily falling from her lips.

“It’s alright, darling.” Lucifer gave her an encouraging nod, but a faint trace of pain still lingered in his features, his pained hiss ringing in her ears. She couldn’t bring herself to hurt him on purpose.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.” He gave her a small smile, his eyes darker than the night outside.

Somehow, his gaze spurred her hands to move. This time his hiss was less pained, more surprised, as her fingers traced around the irregular edges until Lucifer got used to her touch. But Chloe never could.

She’d seen enough injuries in her life, had suffered and had caused – especially in the line of duty – but she couldn’t even begin to imagine what could’ve caused this. What could’ve justified such a horror.

But the saddest thing was that she’d noticed before how unfamiliar Lucifer was with casual touch, how he flinched when he didn’t expect her to reach for him. How, despite everything, he craved these moments after sex when they could laze around and be soft and just them without the outside world to disturb them.

She’d seen enough traumatized children that flinched as he did, enough abused children that recoiled from touch as he did. And the couple glimpses she’d gotten about his relationship with his father…

Sometimes, Chloe would rather not know.

“Does it still hurt?” She asked, going against every plea in her heart because she had to, _that_ she had to know.

“Sometimes… but not as much as the first time.” His voice turned somber and a shadow took over his features, but when his eyes met hers, Lucifer looked almost grief stricken. “Most of the time it feels like… like I’m missing something.”

Without saying a word, Chloe pushed at his shoulder, making him lay on his side before she scooted closer. She placed her arm around Lucifer’s waist and pulled his around her while he looked confused, until he eventually grew used to it, tucking her head beneath his chin.

She only wished she could spoon him. It had always made her feel safe and cared, all the things she wished he felt with her. But she didn’t want to press on his scars and end up constantly reminding him of whatever horrible thing that had happened to him, so this would have to do.

Chloe wasn’t sure what they were to each other, exactly. They’d never bothered to label it before. She knew they were friends for sure – and she knew Lucifer wasn’t sleeping around anymore since they were always together, not that she thought he realized that – but they weren’t exactly dating, either.

Whatever it was they were, whether just friends with benefits, or if he saw her as something more, more personal, more trusting, Chloe only hoped she could at least ease some of his past terrors with the soft, caring touches, show him some gentleness to help ease at least a little bit of the hurt in his soul.

She stayed there until she felt Lucifer pulling her closer, his arms tightening around her, almost clinging to her, and his lips pressing into a brief kiss on the crown of her head. And only then did she let herself fall asleep.

* * *

__

_**Lucifer** _

_Today_

__

_Lucifer: if I hit myself and it hurts  
Lucifer: am I weak or strong?  
7:05PM_

_You: a dumbass  
7:07PM_

_Lucifer: fair enough  
7:07PM_

* * *

“Have you ever wondered what colors actually look like?” The Detective asked from her place on the couch, finally looking up from her files.

That evening was one of those rare days after a particularly tough case when she dropped by, a huge pile of files on hand and only looking for his company.

It was when Lucifer would lazily play some tunes on his piano, tentatively try out that new song he was composing – that _definitely_ hadn’t come to him after he’d met her – as he simply enjoyed her company. Even if she was mostly silent, just staring at her papers.

They’d just sip some whiskey, make small talk over takeout, and simply be as they tried to ignore whatever case it was that was eating his Detective from the inside.

Sometimes Lucifer wished she’d just tell him whatever it was, sometimes he was mostly glad they didn’t have to talk about it because he knew he’d be clueless as how to assist her, despite his entire being constantly screaming at him to just try.

He simply wasn’t used to humans and their complex emotions. Two years on Earth weren’t anywhere near enough for him to claim to understand these creatures his Father had been so fond of. In Hell there had only been just anger and hate – and solitude, but only from Lucifer’s part.

What he did know was sex. He just hoped it was enough, that showing instead of speaking was enough for her to know he… _cared_. Because he did, there was no denying it to himself anymore. The Devil had come to care for a human.

Lucifer was sure Maze was laughing her ass off at him somewhere.

He got up from his piano in one swift motion, gulping down the last of his whiskey as he made his way to the couch and laid down with his head on her lap without a care for whatever paperwork she had there.

“What- I still have a lot of these to finish, you know.” The Detective said as she tried to fight him, but her hands somehow ended up tangled in his hair and they both knew it was a lost battle at that point.

“No, you’ve done enough of them. Bye bye, Detective.” Lucifer said, almost petulant.

She let out a small laugh as she took her file from beneath his head and threw it where he couldn’t be bothered to care. Lucifer sighed when she met his gaze, big, soulful eyes staring back at him and, for the millionth time in her presence, he wished he could see them with all their colors.

It was just so easy to get lost in them, in her, and dream about a colorful world… but it was something he only allowed himself to dwell on in those few minutes after he woke up next to her not sure if he was still dreaming or if it was reality.

It was easier to hold onto his hatred towards his Father, easier to continue thinking what he’d always thought to be true. For all of his life, Lucifer had had one belief – and only faint, repressed memories from before he’d gone colorblind – but now… one simple question from one perfectly flawed human had him questioning one of the core principles of his existence. The very thing that had sparked his Fall.

“I don’t know.” Lucifer settled on eventually, unsure if he was breaking his vow of never lying or not. He’d made it his mission to ignore colors and the few memories he still harbored of them, especially when he was on Earth, where everything was supposed to be bright – everything that Hell was not. “It just seems as if they’re some elaborate play or a cosmic joke. Dad knows I’ve been on the punch line of those often enough.”

The lack of dread at the thought of colors alone was also a new development to him, but as he looked at her, Lucifer couldn’t even imagine why he’d ever come to fear the colors in the first place.

“What, like an unreachable goal?” She asked, her tone somewhat playful until she saw the seriousness in his eyes.

“I wouldn’t say unreachable, just… misguided, I suppose.” As he spoke, Lucifer stared into the very bottom of her eyes, willing his memories to come forward and just _do something…_ but all he could see was grey. 

Chloe let out a deep sigh, her gaze lost in his as her thoughts drifted away.

“You know, I remember this day in middle school when we were taught about colors. I remember running to my dad as soon as I got home because I didn’t understand it at all. And he never really believed in any of the lore or the religions that preach about the colors, you know… but he took me outside and told me to close my eyes. And then he said that the way the sunlight felt on my skin, that was red.”

“Hm.” Lucifer let out a sigh as he finally allowed his conscience to drift into those repressed memories, a small smile spreading on his features as he tried to adapt what he remembered to Chloe’s words.

He could practically feel the afternoon sun warming his skin, the morning sun so soft as it banished the darkness from his soul. The constant warmth at his back when he flew, making his feathers gleam in search of more light.

Lucifer let out a sigh, feeling an underlying uncomfortableness taking residence in his back in response to his bittersweet memories. But now that he had relinquished his mind to the sunlight, he couldn’t stop wondering. 

“That’s rather nice.”

No matter how much he tried, Lucifer couldn’t pinpoint any color all that well, he couldn’t separate each of them from the mess that was his past. But somewhat instinctively, he knew it had to be right. Red had always felt bright to him, just like his Sun.

“What else?” He found himself asking. And the surprise on Chloe’s features was what told him he was turning into a mad Devil, suddenly interested by the very things he’d always antagonized.

But the way her longing turned just a little bit happier when she spoke certainly had a thing in his newfound interest, now Lucifer would just pretend it was the only reason.

“He said that entering a pool on summer feels like blue, like calmness and tranquility. And that the hustling of leaves in a forest sounds like green, like life.”

And as he stared at her, completely fascinated by the shine in her eyes, he wished, and not for the first time, that he could see them in their real color. Would they be green, blue? The hustling of leaves sounded pretty on point for her eyes, but so did the ocean, fresh and calming, and turbulent and powerful.

Lucifer let out a content sigh as he willingly chose to admire her instead of getting caught up on his Father’s manipulations. He let himself dream and believe that colors were actually something nice to aim for, even if deep down he knew otherwise.

And as he did so, he would also ignore that little voice in the back of his mind, that pang in his chest that seemed to constrict his heart, that wished he was enough to make Chloe see the colors she so secretly craved.

“What color do you think I am?” Lucifer found himself asking without really knowing why. It was an excuse, he knew, to keep that spark shining in her light grey eyes. But there was also an underlying curiosity there that had him scared.

“Hmm.” Chloe let out a sigh as a pensive look took over her features and made him smile. Her eyes drifted around his face, her thumb tracing the same path almost as an afterthought. “Maybe red.”

“Ooh, the sexy color.” Lucifer’s voice took that sultry downturn as he rose up on a forearm, his other hand reaching to cup her cheek as he trailed kisses up her neck. “I’m glad you noticed.”

He pulled her down to the couch with him, her legs messily wrapping around his waist as he supported himself above her, their laughter mixing along with the nightly air.

“I think it’s also the color of anger, so maybe not.”

“Yes, I’m much more fun.” Lucifer replied before mouthing that place behind her ear that always had Chloe squirming. It made her grip on his rapidly curling hair tighten and Lucifer groaned, slowly grinding his hips to hers.

“Maybe that other one, what’s it called again?” 

He pulled back at her inquiring tone, an incredulous eyebrow raised as he watched her try to name a color neither of them knew properly. 

“Orange!” Chloe exclaimed with pride, but it only made Lucifer chuckle at the absurdity of it all.

“Do you even know what orange is supposed to look like?” He asked back in a playful tone at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“Like you…?” Chloe tentatively offered on a sheepish tone as a smile stretched and stretched on her features, until they were both consumed with laughter.

Lucifer moved to plant a kiss just below her ear, then one below her jawline, delighted in how he could almost taste her happiness then, so different from the gloom weighting her down when she’d arrived.

“I get a color all to myself? I quite like that.” 

“Yeah, you take up a lot of space with all of that ego of yours.”

They laughed as he kissed her neck, his smile stretching over her skin, until he felt something shift in her, sobering her up. Lucifer pulled back to find Chloe’s eyes set on him, a spark burning just behind the light grey.

“How about me?” She asked as he settled above her, her voice small in the vast penthouse, reserved just for the minimal space still left between them.

Lucifer let out a sigh as he tried to think, but for whatever reason, the Silver City wouldn’t leave his mind. He’d always thought there was a heavenliness to her, but Heaven had always been a cold place, monotonous and grey. 

Until the day Lucifer had created the Sun.

That was one of the memories he would never forget, how the afternoon colors had changed the lifeless buildings, making the City gleam like never before. Much like the light he could feel inside her, the one that lit up her soul. The one he’d been searching for his entire life.

Lucifer smiled as he gazed upon her, his mind made up. “Like the sunset.” He said in a low tone, for her ears alone.

“You mean golden?” Chloe asked, her eyes deeply bored in his as a smile tentatively stretched on her features. No one had ever been so bright and warm and light.

“Mhm. That’s the one.”

* * *

A gasp tore out of him as Lucifer woke up, his lungs burning and out of breath. The light in his penthouse assaulted his still dream-heavy eyes, and he closed his lids, glad for some monotonous darkness.

He so rarely dreamt about good things… 

His sleep was mostly filled with much darker images, with bland greys and opaque darkness, and the ever-present scream of the damned. Flashes of brimstone corridors and an all-encompassing stench of sulfur that always made him wake up suffocating, clawing at his throat as he tried to breathe. But this time, whatever it was he’d dreamt about… It had been _disorienting_.

He had been restless for the entire thing, his vision swimming in and out of focus as images flashed and diluted on themselves before his eyes. Despite the fluid mess that had been his dream, Chloe had been a constant, that much he knew. On the very first time he saw her, she’d stood out to him, but this _dream…_

She had stared at him as the world shifted around them, as stunning as ever, with a soft smile on her face, and _her eyes…_

Those eyes that had always managed to steal the breath right out of his lungs, to make him shiver in anticipation, that made him feel accepted when she stared right back into his awe with stars in her gaze… Those perfect, precious things, they were… not so grey anymore.

_Blue_ had danced on them before being gone in a flicker of light. Then it was _green_ , and _gold_ , then _blue_ again. Always shifting and diluting and _shining_ before Lucifer could comprehend what was happening around them.

Always shifting with endless possibilities and hope while the world remained bleak around them.

Lucifer was still out of breath when he finally opened his eyes, his gaze determinedly fixed on the monotone colors of his penthouse as the rising sunlight filtered through the windows. But the more the light grew as the sun rose, the more he allowed himself to take it in, and the clearer it got…

But he couldn’t be right, he just _couldn’t_. Could he?

Lucifer had to be insane. It was the only explanation. He was sure of it. All those years in Hell had finally managed to drive the Devil mad.

But he also couldn’t ignore how the light was different that morning, how it was so distinguished from everything else, how it was… almost…

_…golden._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ORANGE: the color of enthusiasm and emotion. orange exudes warmth and joy and is considered a fun color that provides emotional strength. it is optimistic and uplifting, adds spontaneity and positivity to life and it encourages social communication and creativity. ;)
> 
> the scene where they give each other colors is the one that sparked the idea for this fic for me. I saw the definitions Chloe gives of feeling colors online and my mind ran off with the bunnies :p it's also my favorite scene in the entire fic. what do you think?
> 
> (also, keep their colors in mind? :p)


	6. oh baby, I'll try to make things right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slightly late again... sorry. I honestly forgot today was wednesday :p
> 
> \- CONTENT WARNING -  
> mentions of gun violence throughout the first scene of this chapter

The operation had been a _mess_. Between a running fugitive and dirty cops, a bullet to the chest was the least that could’ve happened to her, honestly. 

Yeah, that pretty much summed up Chloe’s professional life so far.

But now, after the adrenaline had run off and left her sitting on the back of an ambulance, alone, and with a bullet shaped bruise on her chest, Chloe wondered how she’d ended up there, getting shot at by her own peers.

She’d been gripping her phone the entire night, silently battling the urge to just call Lucifer and listen to him ramble for hours. But as the moon climbed higher and higher in the night sky, she knew that call couldn’t be avoided for much longer

“Detective!” Lucifer’s joyful voice broke through the speaker after only one ring, the loud music at Lux quieting down as he walked to somewhere more private. “Miss me already?”

A simple greeting from him was enough to lighten up the weight on her chest and she let out a happy huff, even as her ribs protested every chuckle.

“I did, actually.” Chloe replied in her best lighthearted tone, but it was hard to keep up a happy façade when every cop that walked past her looked at her with judgement so clear in their eyes.

_‘You were lucky the bullet hit the middle of the vest plate, detective. Half an inch to the side and you’d be in some serious trouble’._

Luck wasn’t what had saved her today. Chloe recognized it for the threat it was, hidden behind the pretense of a messy op and a running fugitive. A warning shot properly fired her way was blunter than she’d expected, but she’d ignored the other threats so far in her determination to hunt the rest of the dirt in the department.

“Well, I’m glad you’re coming over, then.” Lucifer’s voice interrupted her thoughts, that charming tone of his that spoke of sinful promises and filthy secrets and made her heart skip a beat. 

But against her every wish, that wasn’t why she’d called him, not this time.

“Yeah, about that…” Chloe’s smile fell away almost immediately, her cracked ribs weighting down her chest. “I can’t meet tonight, sorry.”

“I have to say, this is not how I expected you to blow me off tonight.” Lucifer responded in kind to his charm only a beat later, humor dripping from his tone.

A very unladylike snort escaped her, a smile stretching over her features again. Chloe was just so very glad for him… but her smile turned pained the more she looked around, her breathing growing heavier as her eyes filled with tears.

“Detective?” Lucifer’s voice sounded over the static, the worry almost palpable in his tone. “What’s wrong, darling?”

“No, it’s- It’s okay, I…” Chloe breathed out, angrily wiping her tears away. A heartless laugh fell from her lips because of course she’d break down when she heard his voice. “Sorry, I don’t even know why I called you.”

What had happened to her life that she’d ended up with a sex crazed club owner as her best friend? 

But there was no denying how his weirdness had always centered her for some reason, his entire personality so different and so _liberating_ from all the surrounding police officer etiquette Chloe always thought would drown her.

_“Chloe?”_ Lucifer’s voice came raw, and she could almost see him standing right in front of her, his dark eyes so open and vulnerable, carrying all the weight of his soul.

“It’s just- Work _really_ sucked today.” She breathed in deeply, trying to find her voice again.

“That guy I arrested at Lux before we met; he had some cops on his payroll. And the detectives I was working with today, I’m investigating them for it, but I didn’t think they knew it.” She took in a long breath, hoping that shaking in her hands would just leave her be. It figured she’d get used to having her life on the line, being a cop and all, but every time a bullet scrapped too close to her, it uncovered a panic she could barely contain. 

“Long story short, the guy we were after saw us and ran away, so we chased him. It was a mess, and one of the detectives ended up shooting me instead of him, so…” Chloe let out a self-deprecating laugh, wiping away the few tears that insisted on falling. “I was wearing a vest, so I only cracked a rib, but I still need to go to the hospital, just to be sure.”

The seconds stretched by, but from Lucifer’s end, only silence answered her back. And in the silence, Chloe knew this was it, this was the moment Lucifer left. This was when he realized what he’d inadvertently hopped into, when he realized being a cop was dangerous and she was definitely not worth the effort. 

This was the moment where he sent her one last charming smile that didn’t reach his eyes and smooth talked the trouble away before sending her on her way with no intention of ever seeing her again.

And it hurt, Chloe realized as the tears that were burning her eyes finally ran down her cheeks, it hurt so damn much. Much more than it should’ve. She’d made a rule of never falling for someone grey, goddammit.

“I have to go.” She spoke into the quiet call, watching as the paramedics returned to the ambulance, ready to take her to the hospital. There would be no smiles from her, she decided as she forcefully wiped away her tears before her voice could give her away, but there was nothing to soothe the void taking residence where her heart used to beat. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, of course.” Came his reply, his voice rushed out in one breath, hoarse around the edges as if until now Lucifer had forgotten to breathe. “Are you?” His tone wobbled this turn, small and vulnerable, and it made her even more confused than before.

No smiles from him either, then, Chloe noticed with a bitter taste in her mouth. She hung up before he could hear her soul shatter and entered the ambulance, letting the medics drive her away from the bullet that, despite her bulletproof vest, had just now shot through her heart.

* * *

The thing was, Chloe wasn’t so sure on where she stood with Lucifer.

Sure, it had been a week since she’d been shot by her colleague, and he hadn’t called or texted – but neither had she. And maybe that was enough of a message… but she couldn’t help feeling… incomplete.

She’d been forced into staying home, forbidden from even thinking about work, and she was _bored_. But more than that, she was alone.

The immensity of her loneliness was even more appalling at night. Always running to crime scenes and busy with police work, Chloe had never felt the real size of her mother’s beach house, not until now. Just as she hadn’t noticed how much she’d miss Lucifer now that he’d been AWOL for the past week.

Somewhere along the way, he’d wormed his way into her life, his friendship and comfort the only thing Chloe was sure she could rely on. Until she’d screwed it up.

She’d been regretfully staring at her phone for the past seven days straight, going slightly crazier every second the damn thing vibrated with a message that wasn’t from him. So maybe it was time to take matters into her own hands and stop this gradual descent into madness. Yes, it was.

A tired breath escaped her, her fingers flying over the screen as she typed and deleted and typed and deleted over and over again, trying to settle on something to text him. Had it ever been this hard to talk to him before?

__

**Lucifer**

__

Today

__

_

You: the detective who shot me just turned himself in today all beaten up  
You: said he was ready to start talking against Marrick  
9:33PM

You: Ella said he was scared of his own shadow  
You: kept muttering something about the devil  
You: you wouldn’t know anything about that would you?  
9:34 PM

_

Chloe let out a breath as she placed her phone down once she eventually settled on a text, decided into not overthinking it. It was fine, really. She’d texted him about a million times before. Who cared if they hadn’t talked for a week? But that tiny, anxious spark of hope that bloomed inside her was hard to let go of. 

And, for the record, she would forever deny how she’d practically leaped to reach her phone when it lit up with an incoming text only seconds later, thank you very much.

_Lucifer: perhaps he tripped on the streets?  
9:35 PM_

And as she stared at her screen, Chloe couldn’t stop the smile that began to grow unbridled on her face, or the incredulous snort that escaped her lips.

_Lucifer: I heard there are some really bad sidewalks downtown  
9:35 PM_

_You: I bet  
9:35 PM_

The strangest part was that, even though they were finally talking, Chloe didn’t know what to say. And as she had it, the feeling was mutual, the typing under Lucifer’s name appearing and disappearing over and over again.

But the more she waited, the more difficult it was to ignore the weight on her chest, that bullet shaped bruising that kept reminding her of the all-encompassing silence she’d pushed him into last time.

In the end, Chloe settled for an apology. If this was it for them, she’d like to remember the best of it.

_You: I’m sorry  
You: I didn’t mean to dump all of that on you last time  
9:39PM_

The ‘typing’ under his name appeared and disappeared several times, until a full minute passed where it didn’t appear again. She was sure the anticipation would kill her at any moment, until he finally settled for a simple enough text.

_Lucifer: can you talk?  
9:42PM_

The pounding of her heart was the only sound she could hear as she dialed, but Chloe had no time to prepare herself.

“Night, darling.” Lucifer answered on the first ring, his quiet, smooth voice filling her once anxious nature with a calmness only he could stir.

“Hey.” She replied in an equally soft tone, the vast emptiness of her house forgotten as she was comforted by his voice. “Sorry for the last time.”

“It’s alright, love.” His voice was quiet, a stark contrast to the hard-beating music she could faintly hear on the background.

It was strange how different they were, with him already down at Lux, standing out bright in the sea of people while Chloe hid from the world, a fuzzy blanket wrapped around her and a movie mostly forgotten on her tv.

Still, they got along better than she could’ve ever hoped for, her memory of Lucifer with a snuggie, his arms wrapped all around her as they watched trash procedurals being proof enough. As had been his _various_ and heated commentary.

“I’m the Devil, darling. You won’t get rid of me that easily.”

Chloe let out a snort, trying to conceal the image she had of him with the playboy he let the world believe he was. Even with all of his devil talk, she didn’t know how he could see himself like that when he was the complete opposite of what the Devil stood for.

“Thank you for being weird.” She said, her voice taking a happy turn for the first time that week.

Lucifer let out a pleased huff in response, a smirk to match hers no doubt lighting up his features. “Always.”

It was enough for her, to just listen to him, just know he was on the other side, clinging to the phone same as she was, but that weight in her chest… it just wouldn’t let her be.

“You were just so quiet last time, I…” Chloe let out a frustrated breath, not knowing exactly why she was dwelling on that still, all the while afraid her words would scare her best friend away again.

“Yes, I…” Lucifer let out a heavy breath of his own, his voice getting quieter as he did so. “Apologies, darling. I didn’t mean to. It was just, I- I’d forgotten you work a dangerous job, I suppose.”

Chloe’s breath this time was calming, centering, because that she understood. She would never forget the look in his eyes when Lucifer had seen her bruises early on their… _relationship_ , when both had no idea what they were getting themselves into.

Thinking again now, she could understand his reaction better. It was just the same as she felt sometimes, that feeling of powerlessness that she could disappear right out of his grasp at any given time.

“Do you like being a detective?” Lucifer asked, a genuine curiosity in his small voice that foretold that confused head tilt of his Chloe found adorable.

“Yeah.” She replied almost immediately, and she could practically hear Lucifer’s disbelief through the phone. “I do! Okay, I know I was just shot last week, but I do like it. It’s, I’ve always wanted to help people, I guess. And I wasn’t doing a really good job at it as an actress.”

“Well, I beg to differ!” A laugh burst out of her at his protest, eliciting one from him in return. Unfortunately for them and their newfound normalcy, Chloe could hear Maze yelling at Lucifer on the background, and it made some unpleasant thing shift inside her. “Ah, apologies, darling, I have to go. Something just came up at the club.”

“It’s okay.” Chloe replied, unconsciously pulling her blanket tighter around herself. It was hard to keep the disappointment from her tone. “I missed talking to you.”

“So did I.” His voice sounded so small as he replied, meant for her alone, and for the briefest of seconds it was as if Lucifer was right there with her. “Well!” Until he ruined it, of course. “Do get well soon, darling. Unless you’d rather Doctor Lucifer visited you, of course.” His voice sounded more open this time, his tone more of the charming cadence she’d grown used to.

Chloe laughed in response, that tightness in her chest finally leaving her be. At least she’d gotten to talk to him even if it was just for a little while, even if Maze’s yells were getting louder by the second.

“Too weird.”

* * *

__

_  
**Lucifer**  
_

_Today_

_Lucifer: doctor lucifer is always up for a home visit  
Lucifer: just in case you change your mind  
Lucifer:_ ( •̀ᴗ•́ )و ̑̑  
 _10:19PM

You: the REAL doctor said no exercising for another week still  
You: and what the heck is that?  
10:19PM

Lucifer: a devil face  
Lucifer: I don’t actually have horns though  
10:19PM_

__

_You: you could just use_ 😈 _you know  
You: less weird  
10:20PM_

__

_Lucifer: and you only have to use your hands  
10:20PM_

_Lucifer: unless you’d rather just lie down and let me do the rest  
Lucifer:_ 😈 😈 😈  
_10:21PM_

__

_You:_ 🙄  
_10:24PM_

_

  
  


**INCOMING FACETIME CALL  
Lucifer**  
10:24PM

_

_Lucifer: goodnight darling  
Lucifer:_ 😈  
_11:27PM_

* * *

In all his earthly years, Lucifer had never seen Lux glow so bright. 

The low bass of music and the sea of people vibrating were energetic that night, and he was _ecstatic_. It had been a while since he’d been enthralled by his club, by his own little kingdom of sin and desire, but that night, it felt as it had on opening night.

But, despite the soulful energy in his club, Lucifer couldn’t get his eyes away from the twinkling lights. He couldn’t, for the life of him, figure out what was so different in them that night, what it was that had captured his attention so thoroughly.

He wasn’t mad enough to admit that they shone any differently that night, no sir. But there was something inside him that vibrated at the mere possibility, that screamed at him to just properly look. To admit that the light was warm that night, not so white anymore.

Which was ludicrous. Even after that dream of his with Chloe and the light that had streaked though the blinds in his room that couldn’t, just _couldn’t_ , have been-

Lucifer shook his head, sending those maddening thoughts away. He’d briefly panicked about it already, had even tried to think logically about it instead of jumping into conclusions – which was very unlike him, for the record, but so very like her…

But not tonight. Tonight was about desire, and his club, and, as his eyes drifted over the crowd, _his Detective._

A smile broke through his features as his gaze found her for the millionth time that night, unable to look at anywhere that wasn’t her for too long. Texting her – and the couple facetime calls they’d shared – had been the highlight of this past week as Lucifer counted down the days until she’d be cleared for ‘exercising’ which was, for his luck, _tonight._

Eager wasn’t anywhere near enough to describe what he felt then, even if her friends had insisted she go out to celebrate her recovery with them. He was only glad when Chloe informed him it was to take place at Lux, a sort of a re-do of the night they’d canceled. 

The night he’d met her.

He could only hope this one followed the same ending as the first.

His eyes had been seeking her the entire night, happy to see her enjoying herself in his environment for once. It made her glow brighter than the lights, just like she’d had that first night they’d met.

Her own gaze had been searching his whenever her friends were distracted, only fueling the desire that burned bright inside him. They’d been trying to sneak around all night, into dark corners or hidden alcoves, his hand brushing her lower back whenever he walked past her, but her friends always seemed to notice whenever she tried to step away. 

It was getting to the point where Lucifer was considering just interrupting her girl’s night – or whatever it was she’d called it – and ravishing her in front of her friends, consequences be damned. There was only so much self-control in him, after all. 

His musings were cut short when Chloe’s eyes found his again, a certainty in them as she nodded to the bar that made him believe this was their opening. Lucifer rushed to meet her there, sidestepping all the hands that reached out to him, all the while trying to ignore the eagerness that threatened to consume him whole.

He let out a relieved sigh when he neared her, feeling his heart fluttering inside his chest. His fingers ghosted down her forearm, lingering just a second too long on her wrist, before he crowded her space, his front just a breath away from her back.

“When can I steal you away?” Lucifer whispered in her ear, his voice husky, breath ghosting her skin. And the shiver that ran through her…

A deep sigh escaped her lips when he breathed in a bit too deep, making his chest barely brush her back. Chloe turned around, an easy smile gracing her features, light grey eyes gleaming in the low lighting. 

And Lucifer was _enthralled_ by the sight.

“My friends aren’t drunk enough, yet.” She breathed out a happy huff, reaching out to run her hands through his lapels.

Lucifer placed his on her waist to pull her to him, her closeness making his head lighter than the alcohol he’d been consuming all night. There was a comment sitting at the tip of his tongue, inappropriate enough to make her blush, while also letting her grey eyes burn with desire. But a happy, unrestrained shout of her name shut him up, making them scurry to let go of each other.

Lucifer sidestepped Chloe to reach the bar, flagging the bartender for his usual as he tried to casually look at who it was that had interrupted them. 

His eyes widened in shock once he spotted her friend – Ella, if he remembered correctly – dancing on her way to meet the Detective, hair flying everywhere as she stumbled along the patrons. A thousand watt smile ever present in her features as she sang the lyrics out of sync, and definitely out of tune.

Lucifer wasn’t sure how much of her energy was from the alcohol in the colorful cocktail she had in hand and how much was natural to her, and, honestly, he wasn’t so sure he wanted to find out.

“Chlo’! Ah, there you are!” Ella yelled as she barreled her way to the bar, holding onto Chloe for support. “Linda said you were getting drinksss.”

Lucifer tried to keep his eyes straight forward, sipping at his whiskey to appear casual – it was his own club after all – but a gnawing feeling rose along his stomach, and he turned around to find Ella’s gaze suspiciously roaming along his form.

He offered her a brief, charming smile as Chloe ordered, working his charms extra hard to erase the suspicion out of her mind. To his luck, Patrick came back with their drinks, shifting Ella’s focus from whatever questions she might’ve had to the sparkling drink being placed in front of her.

Lucifer briefly reached out to Chloe’s hand when she grabbed her wallet, trying his best to keep his voice levelled and emotionless to seem detached, as if he didn’t have the feel of her body tattooed on his. “No need for that, Detective. Drinks are on the house.”

Ella, for one, was practically vibrating at the prospect. Chloe, on the other hand, seemed ready to protest.

“Please. You deserve it for arresting that sorry excuse of a mobster.” Lucifer shone her a proud smirk, thrilled once the greyness started to take over her cheeks, the corners of her lips turning up into a reluctant smile. “But I have to ask, did you really have to do it at my club at opening hours?”

Chloe let out a happy huff that lit up her eyes as her friend attacked him. Lucifer froze as he found himself with a tiny woman wrapped around him, and not in the funny way. His startled eyes met his Detective’s, silently pleading for mercy, but she only laughed at his misery.

“See, Chlo’!” Ella said when she finally let him go, allowing Lucifer to breathe. For a tiny person she was quite strong. “It _was_ an awesome arrest. Even if you got shot for it.”

This time, Lucifer’s huff was humorless. He sipped at his whiskey, trying to forget the void that had consumed him from her ‘accident’. He’d been numb for hours, simply sitting at his armchair, the phone still in his ear. He hadn’t felt a fear that primal in eons, especially not about a human.

Thankfully, one of his staff appeared at his side, whispering some problems at his ear that he had to go take care of instead of ruminating about unspoken fears. Lucifer let out a sigh, feeling the club drowning the Detective’s calming tones and forcing him out of this bubble of relief she offered him.

“Well, ladies, something just came up.” He commented with a barely there smirk, his eyes lingering on Chloe’s just long enough to see her cheeks greying up with the subtle innuendo. “Enjoy your night.”

Lucifer swiftly made his exit, drifting through the crowd, and particularly enjoying the way he could feel Chloe’s eyes lingering on him.

Next time his eyes found hers, her friends were definitely drunk enough. Lucifer was watching the club from the balcony between the stairs, not really interested on the conversation he’d been thrown into. He found Chloe’s eyes in the middle of the sea of people, glowing like never before.

“Hey.” She uttered when he reached her without a care for whatever investor it was that had been talking his ears off. The music made her press closer to him, her eyes less guarded, her smile more light with all the alcohol she’d been consuming.

Lucifer was just so… _happy_ in that moment, finally getting to dance with her, finally feeling her close to him after two whole weeks where a void had taken residence inside him. It made him feel relieved, the feeling of her solid and warm and pressed so close to him, to his heart, to know for sure that she was there and with him. And safe for once.

And when she kissed him… Lucifer sighed into her lips. He hadn’t felt that calm and blissed since that dreadful call. And for the first time in a long time, he regretted when the lights started to change, when the music slowed down.

Lucifer broke the kiss to mouth at her neck, savoring her closeness before he had to pull away. “I have to go.” He whispered into her ear before he forced himself to take a step back, smiling as she groaned.

“Why?”

“It’s time for my last set.” Lucifer replied, making no effort to take his hands away from her waist as they swayed in place. “Unless you’d rather watch from the best seat on the club.”

“And where would that be, exactly?” Chloe asked, her Detective curiosity winning over her common sense despite his cheeky grin.

“On top of the piano, of course.” Lucifer remarked, a wink complementing his smirk.

His Detective let out a carefree laugh, pulling him in for a brief kiss before pushing him away. “Go play. I’ll meet you after.”

After was at a dark corner at Lux, with his back pressed to the wall as Chloe kissed down his throat, her tongue reaching out to taste him.

The club had started to slowly wind down after his last song as it was costumery, and Lucifer sighed in relief, having reached the peak of his self-control. There was only so many times he could stop himself from ravishing Chloe in the middle of his club, especially when she looked as stunning as she did that evening.

“I heard there was a party for two upstairs.” Lucifer gasped as she bit his pulse point, already out of breath. He let out a very undignified whine when he felt Chloe stopping what she was doing, an apologetic air to her features. _“No…”_

“Sorry.” She replied, a regretful look in her eyes as she placed a quick kiss on his lips. “Ella wants to share an Uber home.”

Lucifer sighed, pouting as he linked his fingers around her lower back to keep her closer. Her hands came to rest on his chest, a smirk growing in her face as she reached out to bite his bottom lip.

“But maybe you can meet me at my place?”

* * *

A knock on the door startled Chloe as she was placing her phone and keys on the counter, her Uber having dropped her only short minutes ago. There was no way he was already there, she tried to reason with herself, but there was no stopping the quickening of her heart.

She rushed to the door, feeling that chill running down her spine in excitement that contrasted with the heat that pooled low on her stomach at the thought of finally being alone with Lucifer.

Two weeks was too damn long.

Surely enough, Chloe opened the door to find Lucifer standing outside, fingers anxiously drumming at his thigs and big, round eyes wide as he looked around.

“Do you really live here? I thought I must have gotten the wrong address.” He blurted instead of greeting her or kissing her, his eyes continuously scanning the front porch and the little of the inside he could see. When she didn’t promptly answer, her mind still caught up in a haze of want, he stormed his way past her, leaving Chloe baffled at his apparent excitement as he looked around. “How do you afford this place? Do you take bribes?”

She blinked, shocked at his question before she remembered it was Lucifer she was talking about, and he had absolutely no filter. He’d probably find it amusing if she took bribes. “I don’t.” Chloe replied before he could start rambling again. 

“I had no idea that Hot Tub High School paid so well.” Lucifer commented when his exploring led him to one of her mother’s movie posters and the small table filled with her awards.

“It didn’t.” She denied again, coming to stand so very close to him this time. But not even that managed to distract him from his curious excitement. 

“So,” Lucifer started again, looking expectantly at her. “How do you afford this place?” He tried to focus on her, but he couldn’t keep quiet for long. Soon enough, his eyes had resumed their exploration, fixed on the framed movie poster this time.

“I don’t. It’s my mother’s.” Chloe admitted, averting her gaze to the poster as well. It was the one from ‘Althea’, her mom’s most famous movie, and Chloe’s favorite of them all. 

Chloe could see in his eyes that he wanted to ask more, but something in the poster kept pulling them away, and she could see he was having trouble focusing on only one thing at the moment.

“Penelope Decker.” He breathed out, his eyes going wide as he stared slack jawed at the framed poster. “Hold on a bit. Your mother is Penelope Decker? Queen of 80s cheeseball sci-fi? You _have_ to introduce me.”

He turned his expectant gaze to her, and Chloe was struck still for a second, caught up admiring the boyish glee he got in his excitement. “Lucifer. Sex. _Now_.”

“Ooh, right.” He said, his voice lowering into those sultry tones that always made her shiver.

Lucifer crowded her space, his presence and his warmth surrounding her. He ran his nose along hers, one hand reaching up to cup her cheek before Chloe had had too much and kissed him. It was hard and reliving and her hands ended up on his hair as he picked her up.

That fire he always stirred inside her blew into a full inferno when it mixed with his, and it was only extinguished in the wee hours of morning when they finally drifted off to sleep still tangled in each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> borrowed some dialogue from canon because let's be honest, it's priceless


	7. oh, babe, oh babe, I run, but I'm running to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no content warning this time :p enjoy!

__

_**Lucifer** _

_Today_

_Lucifer: what did the ocean say to the other ocean?  
5:13PM

You: I don’t know  
You: what?  
5:16PM

Lucifer: nothing  
Lucifer: they just waved  
5:16PM

You: …  
5:17PM

Lucifer: did you sea what I did there?  
5:17PM

You: no  
5:17PM

Lucifer: I’m shore you did  
5:17PM_

* * *

Lucifer sighed as he took a sip of his whiskey, relishing in the cool sensation that turned into the faintest of burns as it slid down his throat. But not even that was right that night.

Every time Lucifer stared at the alcohol in his glass it made him feel a step closer to losing his marbles. Because he was almost sure that the whiskey he was drinking didn’t look so grey anymore.

It brought forth memories of a certain dream with a certain Detective, a dream he kept having every time he closed his eyes now. Dreams where he could see, for the lack of a better term… _colors._

He was mad, he knew. It was _impossible._ The Devil couldn’t just simply start to see colors out of nowhere. It wasn’t how this happened. It wasn’t how it was supposed to be. _It wasn’t what was meant for him._

Monsters like him barely deserved happiness, much less Love.

But as he reached for his glass with a trembling hand, Lucifer couldn’t deny. Something was happening to him, and the mere thought of his Father controlling him again brought forth an ancient panic that almost left he paralyzed.

Lucifer placed the glass back on the counter before he dropped the damned thing and reached for his car keys with unsteady hands, hoping to at least stop this bloody shaking by the time he reached his Corvette.

He had no idea where he was going. All he knew was that he _had_ to get out of his penthouse, away from the bloody whiskey and the bloody lights and everything that seemed to shine with… _gold._

The wind that blew at his hair as he sped through the streets of LA helped keep his conflicting thoughts at bay, but unfortunately his hand was still trembling slightly when he finally reached out to ring the doorbell.

Lucifer let out a sigh when Chloe opened the door, feeling something shift inside him, finally allowing him to breathe easier. He let out a nervous sigh as he took her in, noticing her messy bun and the ink staining her fingers, and began to doubt his unconscious decision to appear unannounced at her house.

Lucifer chose to raise the bag of food he’d brought along instead, shifting Chloe’s attention away from the tension in his shoulders. 

“Is that Mexican?” She asked with excitement barely contained from her voice as her eyes shone, and Lucifer sighed, glad for the distraction.

“You did mention it was your favorite.”

She stepped aside and let him in, her hands reaching for the bag he was carrying to set the food for the both of them. Lucifer let himself get distracted by the relief she always spurred in him as he followed her into the kitchen, but he began to question his presence again once his eyes found the scattered police files on the coffee table.

Chloe usually kept him up to speed on her cases, so he was aware of her big arrest a couple days before and all the paperwork that was sure to follow. He didn’t have time to voice his protest, though. Soon enough, the Detective was handing him a corkscrew and pointing to the bottle of wine on the counter. 

One of her hands reached out to his forearm, her touch firm but gentle, as if she knew what he’d been struggling with and didn’t want him to leave.

Lucifer quit with his attempts at protesting when the Detective dragged him to the couch with their dinner, throwing whatever little factoids and bits of information she could to make him relax.

Which he finally did with Chloe’s content sigh at her obvious pleasure with the food. The glow in her light grey eyes had him strangely proud at himself. She took her last bite with a satisfied sigh, licking every last trace of food from her fingertips, and for once, Lucifer didn’t feel overwhelmed by his desire to jump and kiss her. He smiled, instead, letting out a content sigh of his own.

Chloe’s eyes rose to meet his and she smiled back at him, making Lucifer huff at her happy stance. He reached forward to take her plate and place it with his on the coffee table, and when he let his gaze drift back to hers, he saw the worry lines from when she’d answered the door slowly returning to her features.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, her low voice strangely fitting with the calming atmosphere around them.

Lucifer offered her a simple head shake, a pained smile taking over his features no doubt. It was easy to ignore his fear with her by his side, too easy to let himself dream about finally seeing her eyes with all their color, the soft strands of her hair that glimmered in the light. That blush that flushed her cheeks and always made him feel so proud for putting it there.

It was easy to want… love. To finally surrender just a small bit of control to someone else, so he wouldn’t have to feel this weight, this heaviness he carried since he went colorblind. Since his Fall.

Chloe reached out to cup his cheek, her thumb softly running over the bags under his eyes before reaching down to scratch at his scruff. And it was oh so _easy_ to want to belong with her, to be hers in a way he hadn’t let himself be with anyone else. Not since his Father took all the love Lucifer had had for Him and threw him out to burn in Hell, a Fallen Angel with a broken soul.

“You look tired.” Her hand ran down his neck and over his shoulder before she pulled away, leaving him strangely bereft until she shifted closer to him on the couch. Lucifer hadn’t felt such peace in a long time.

The worst, most terrifying part about accepting the colors Chloe appeared to stir on him was that if he fell again, Lucifer wasn’t so sure he’d want to stop it this time.

“I suppose.” He sighed, draining the last of the wine before placing his glass with hers on the coffee table. “Haven’t had much sleep these last couple nights.”

Lucifer sighed, feeling his sad smile take an upturn into something softer as he reached to run his thumb over her forehead and ease the worry lines away.

“Weird dreams, is all. Nothing for you to worry about, love.”

She looked like she wanted to protest, to say something, her hand reaching out to his forearm. But, like the good Devil that he was, Lucifer decided to look away and spare them both the heart clenching feeling that took over him whenever the thought about his recurring dreams.

They could very well be nightmares at this point, tempting him with what he he’d always desired, but was somehow still out of his reach every time he closed his eyes.

“Is that the amount of work they expected you to do today?” He asked instead, horrified as his gaze landed on the pile by her side on the couch. Chloe let out an easy laugh at his indignation, allowing herself to be distracted. It made Lucifer relax in turn, giving him something else to focus on. “And here I was, thinking I was the Devil. That’s worse than any punishment in Hell, I’ll have you know. Maybe I should be taking notes…”

Chloe laughed again as she shuffled closer to him on the couch, cupping his cheeks to place her lips on his. It was soft and tasted of spices and Lucifer sighed, feeling the tension drifting off of his shoulders with every kiss.

“Hi.” She said when he finally managed to open his eyes, her nose running along the length of his. And the way Chloe looked at him, with some kind of wonder in her grey eyes, almost made him believe he could have this forever.

Lucifer sighed and leaned in to kiss her again, just as soft as the first one.

“I’m glad you came.” She said in the small space between them when they finally managed to pull away, foreheads resting together, and her hands buried deep in his hair. Her phrase made a mischievous glint light up inside him, his smirk turning back to the playfulness he was used to, but Chloe covered his mouth with a hand before he could say anything. “Please don’t ruin the moment.”

Lucifer chuckled behind her hand, liking the way her eyes lit up at the sound. But, at the end of the day, he was still the Devil, so he couldn’t stop himself from licking her palm, his gaze fixed on hers.

Chloe pulled away from him with mirth in her eyes, playfully smacking his shoulder when he winked at her, her cheeks heating up in response.

He was glad, to just sit there, take her in, bask in her presence. But eventually the Detective in her won out, and her eyes drifted back to the pile of files waiting for her, pulling a sigh from deep within her.

“Sorry, I still have a lot of these to do.”

“Not to worry, love.” Lucifer said as he reached for the bag he brought along with the food, taking his laptop out of it. “I thought I might join you on the paperwork.”

Chloe turned to him with wide eyes before she managed to mutter out. “You, doing paperwork? Who are you and what have you done to my Lucifer?”

“Yes, well. I do run a business, you know.” Lucifer rushed out around the lump in his throat, feeling his heart stop for a second at that ‘my’ she let slip. It was pathetic, this fluttering heart of his and the treacherous wants and desires that ran deep within him, yearning to be fulfilled.

“Could’ve fooled me.” He let out a huff at her remark, glad for the easy silence that followed, filled only with wine glasses and pages turning.

Sometime along the night, halfway through a second bottle of wine, the numbers on his screen stopped making sense. Lucifer gave up on his accountings in favor of slopping down and resting his head back on the couch to watch Chloe work.

He let out a content sigh, feeling his lids slugging as he blinked. He’d never known this calm before, from simply being in someone else’s presence, and in silence of all things. There, in the quiet, he could almost forget the screams of the damned that would forever ring in his ears and be glad to breathe anything else that wasn’t ash.

Lucifer’s eyes traveled over her features, the sharp cut of her jaw, her cheekbones, the long column of her throat, as he allowed himself to simply be and admire her, away from the confusing misty colors of his dreams.

He noticed the squinting in her eyes as she tried to make sense of the words on her files, but he was much too comfortable to break the silence. It wasn’t until much later, when Chloe had been staring at the same line for longer than normal, that she raised her eyes to meet his, the frown on her forehead easing back to place.

“I think I’m drunk.” Now that she mentioned it, her eyes looked especially bright. Lucifer could only let out a happy huff in response, feeling a smile stretching impossibly broader on his face and a pleasant tingling where his extremities used to be. “So are you.” 

He let out a proper chuckle this time. Imagine that, him, the Devil, _drunk._ It was impossible, he didn’t get drunk, not with his supernatural metabolism. And yet…

He chose to save such musings to when his brain decided to cooperate with complex lines of thought, instead focusing on Chloe and how her eyes stood out in the low light on the room. He must’ve looked like a complete idiot, sprawled on the couch with a smile he couldn’t control anymore, but Lucifer couldn’t control this calming bliss that had taken over him.

For the first time since being plagued by those confusing dreams, he felt like all the tension had left him. So, he hummed an affirmative instead of deigning to answer, and reached out to bump her nose with a finger before he could think better of it.

Chloe wrinkled her nose in response, before ending whatever little space that had been left between them. She climbed onto his lap, pressing as close to him as she could. Lucifer pulled her down on the couch with him, feeling too light to keep up and secretly relishing on the feel of her weight over him.

The desire inside him was slow to manifest this time, giving way to a more comforting fire that burned bright to make him giddy for her warmth, for her touch, for the reassurance of her presence. He could almost feel that same flame alight inside her when they finally managed to raise from the couch, almost falling back down from their joint lack of balance.

For once, Lucifer could feel the alcohol in his system acting as a positive thing, making him light like a cloud. He could see that same freedom in Chloe’s eyes, which only served to make his smile stretch even more.

It had been a marvelous idea, he mused, getting drunk with her. It was usually quite hard for him to achieve this level of buzz on his own. Lux’s stock hardly ever survived…

Giggles followed them upstairs as they almost tripped on her stack of files by the couch, and then had two close calls on their way up the stairs. Chloe’s fingers reached for the buttons of his shirt, tangling over each other as she struggled to undo them. They stumbled into her bedroom, both leaning more heavily into the other than they cared to admit, lips pressed closer as they tried to kiss their smiles away.

So, when Lucifer reached to take his shoes off and lost whatever balance he had left, it sent the both of them tumbling down to fall on the bed in a mess of limbs.

“Oops.” His comment pulled giggles out of Chloe, which made him laugh in return, until the both of them were so consumed by laughter they couldn’t seem to stop. 

His hands, rising up her sides beneath her shirt, seemed to be making her ticklish that night, and her laugh, so close to his skin as she kissed down his neck, brought such joy out of him that Lucifer could barely contain it.

It was only many minutes later, with the moon bathing them in a soft light, that he managed to calm down from the mess of giggles they’d turned into. Lucifer let out a content sigh, relaxing into the softness of the mattress beneath him and the constant weight of Chloe on top of him.

From where they were softly gazing into each other, he could almost see the weight of the day crashing heavy on her. Not strong enough to wipe the joy from her eyes, but constant enough to send them both into the blissful calmness of sleep without protest.

* * *

The loud blaring of her alarm shook Chloe from a semi awake state and into the soft light of the morning. The sound made the faint headache that was slowly forming flare into life. She shut her eyes tight, trying to hide back beneath the sheets and making Lucifer groan from behind her in the process.

His grumble was enough to distract her for a second, to allow her to appreciate the warmth of him surrounding her from where he was spooning her. It always made her content, when they woke up like this. At least before she let her mind wonder to where this thing with him was heading.

“Wha t’me s’it?” Lucifer asked as he buried his face in her hair, making some pleasant thing tingle inside her.

“Six thirty I think.” Chloe mumbled as she allowed herself a moment to cuddle back into him, to pull his arm tighter around her and let the bliss of sleep surround her again. 

It always struck her how well he felt wrapped around her, how she seemed to fit perfectly into him, beneath his arm or his chin. How safe he made her feel. Chloe could feel his morning erection pressing into her back, but the sunlight was soft when it hit them, and there was no rush to do anything.

There had never been a rush or impatience with him, no demands or expectations.

For once, she could just let herself be, and in that moment, she’d like to just be with him.

She’d seen the look in his eyes when he’d arrived the night before, the trouble he seemed so keen on escaping. After everything they’d been through, Chloe was glad Lucifer felt he could come to her for a quiet moment, to just be, even if only to chase away his demons.

She felt him shifting behind her, pressing into her more fully as he sneaked a leg between her own. “Why so bloody early?” Lucifer asked, his voice thick with sleep.

That same thought drifted through her brain as she tried to figure out why her alarm was earlier that day, and then it hit her. The new transfers that were supposed to arrive at the precinct.

Chloe groaned, her eyes fully open and alert now. Just thinking about getting up to babysit a bunch of white men with a sense of superiority about themselves made her feel resigned.

“My shift starts earlier today.” She said, dreading having to get up from the warmth of her bed, of him, and into the crispy morning air.

She felt him tightening his grip around her, a protest escaping past his lips, but it wasn’t constraining. He wasn’t demanding or steering her into giving up on her work and herself for him.

Lucifer had never made her feel trapped. Instead, he’d somehow managed to set her free within herself.

Chloe turned around to face him, one hand reaching out to bury itself in his curls. He always looked so cute in the mornings, soft and relaxed with his walls finally down. “Some guys are transferring in today from another precinct and I’ll have to babysit them around for the day.” He was even cuter when he pouted, she thought, which in his case was a blessing, since she’d never seen a man pout as much as Lucifer did.

She reached out to briefly pull that lip between her teeth before kissing him. Lucifer let out a delighted hum, and it was a fight against every ounce of her better judgement to sit up and get out of bed.

He immediately flopped face down on where she had been, and Chloe allowed herself one last second to admire the sight of him, all rumpled up and in her bed. His eyes followed her every move as she walked around her bedroom to start her day. His general moping grew with every item she took, but Lucifer knew better than to try to keep her from her work.

He’d always known how much it meant to her.

“Sorry.” She said as she made her way to the bathroom, letting her eyes wonder over him with a sigh. 

It was no secret that she thought he was beautiful, but there was something about the sight of him on her bed, all lean muscle chiseled to perfection, and hair all curly that made him look so soft… Sometimes, it really was hard to love her job. 

“I can’t bail out of this one. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

He let out a carefree laugh that made something bright inside her overflow. “It’s alright, darling. I’m sure the city would collapse without you there to stop it anyway.”

Chloe huffed as she leaned on the threshold to the bathroom, her eyes lingering on Lucifer as he rose, letting his arms stretch over him. The sight had always made her drool, fueling that pooling heat of desire in her. 

“I can see you tonight, though.”

A mischievous spark settled in his eyes as his smirk turned lopsided on his face. His heated gaze swept over her form, dark, fathomless and filled with desire. Chloe tried to ignore how his morning erection was still going, barely concealed by the silk of his boxers, and the promise of what they could be doing instead.

His eyes were set on hers as he approached her, standing close enough to fill her with his warmth and his scent, but not making a move to touch her.

“Oh, you better.” 

She could almost feel the way his voice reverberated around them, vibrating inside his chest, and it made her gasp. He barely ghosted his nose along her jaw, letting out a pleased hum, before he was pulling away completely, leaving her cold and bereft.

For once, though… for once Chloe was glad he hadn’t pushed. Because she knew there was no world where she’d want to resist him if he had, and oh, she was already going to be late as it was.

Getting yelled at by the Lieutenant was not the ideal start for her shift after all.

“How about some brekkie?” Lucifer asked instead, his tone light, but it was evident in his eyes his barely contained desire.

At least she knew that if they left each other like this, that night would be one to remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh Chloe... you've no idea how...
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed the fluff


	8. when you gonna stop breaking my heart?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- CONTENT WARNING -  
> beware of the smut (and the heartbreak but that one's unavoidable :p ). chapter is divided into four scenes and the smut happens on the second scene. you can skip that one entirely without missing any of the more important bits.

There was no denying it anymore. Something was _definitely_ happening to him, and the strangest part was that Lucifer couldn’t find it in himself to loathe it. The scotch in his glass that had been glinting all night as he thought about Chloe being proof enough that he was indeed mad.

The first sign should’ve been how easily he rejected sexual partners these days. More than a couple people had tried to get his attention, hands had sneaked under his suit jacket unprompted, and some of the more confident club goers at Lux that night had even tried a more direct approach, but all of them had been turned down with an easy apology and just a little bit of charm.

Preposterous. Absolutely preposterous, and yet…

He was Lucifer bloody Morningstar for Dad’s sake. The original tempter, walking, talking desire. He didn’t turn people down, he invited them to join in on the fun. And yet…

Ant yet, he hadn’t had sex with anyone other than Chloe in _months._

He’d never done this exclusivity thing – not that they’d agreed on anything either – but now more and more Lucifer found the idea of having sex with anyone else not appealing at all. Almost loathsome, even, which was _preposterous._

He’d never had problem with it before, but then again, he’d never had anyone quite like her, either.

Lucifer let his eyes drift over the crowd of very willing bodies as he contemplated his dilemma. He was even more sure of it when no one caught his eye, when no light called for him, no hair glimmered unique in the sea of grey…

Until one did.

A breath rushed out of his lips as his stomach did that flippy funny thing inside him. He could see Chloe making her way down the stairs, her sharp eyes drifting around until they found his. She always made something bright light up in him, something ancient that had belonged to him once before, and in a blink, the whole club seemed as if it had been bathed in gold.

He was almost familiar with the new warm tone that tinged the lights now, with the way it always appeared whenever he thought about her. Which, nowadays, was more frequent than he’d like to admit.

But he was working on accepting that his vision now consisted of black, whites, greys and the occasional gold, which was a bonus. His heart still fluttered whenever the new color made itself present, but at least the paralyzing fear had started to cave, giving way to the warm tingles Chloe stirred on him.

But still, deep, deep down, where Lucifer rarely allowed himself to look, he still dreaded the day the new color would recede and leave him bereft once again, taking Chloe along with it.

For a brief, fleeting second, the thought of telling her about the strange things that had taken residence inside him crossed his mind yet again. _‘Detective, would you look at that. It appears that you’ve been paired up with the Devil. Didn’t see that one coming, eh?’_

Right.

It was a stupid thought, anyway.

_Her_ , paired up with _him._

_Ha._ It was almost funny, in a sad, twisted way. But the way his heart fluttered at the mere possibility was even stupider.

It thumped madly inside him as he watched her make her way to the bar, his senses going into overdrive as he marveled at how the amber light illuminated her so, so softly.

Lucifer tried to temper down his excitement when he noticed the strange gleam that had taken residence in her otherwise gleaming grey irises. It was almost as if she was… apologetic? He couldn’t tell, really.

Difficult cases always left her with a bottomless void in her gaze, or a fire that made her fists clench tightly as she tried to ignore it. They usually came with a never-ending mountain of paperwork and a request for him to play some tunes for her in the quiet comfort of his penthouse.

Lucifer shone her his best, most charming smile and was rewarded with a happy grin from her, even if she’d tried to control it. He wasn’t sure what it was that she found in him, but he was eternally glad he could at least soothe her soul for a night.

He rose slightly from the stool he was perched on to kiss her, a ‘night, darling’ softly falling from his lips, but her touch so light on his chest stopped him halfway. Pesky human feelings such as dread began to bubble into life inside him, and Lucifer felt as if the ground had just disappeared from beneath his feet when he realized the apology in her gaze was directed at him.

“I met my soulmate today.” Her words were drowned out by the club, more final than his Fall had been.

Five words.

Five simple words that cut through his soul, sharper than Azrael’s blade.

Stupid, _stupid_ Devil.

Lucifer let out a humorless sigh, feeling a pain so deep in his chest that stole the breath right from his lungs. She hadn’t punched him, but she might as well have.

He turned back towards the bar to drain the last of his scotch, his once again grey scotch, with all the gold gone from his eyes. He so hated his treacherous brain that still thought the colors didn’t matter at all, that the light still graced her features as if it had been hers all along.

Like he’d thought he could’ve been.

“Well. Congratulations, I suppose.” He let out, the dark twist in his words mostly directed at himself. He barely tasted the drink in his glass as he drained it, immediately flagging his bartender for another.

“Lucifer…” Her voice floated between the cadences of the loud, booming music in the club. Her hands twitched by her side, like she wanted to touch him but wasn’t sure it would be welcome in the moment.

_It would, it would always be,_ she _would always be. He’d gladly give her all of him and thank her for the attention when she broke him and eventually left him to rot like the monster he was._

He almost stared at her hands, daring her to follow through with her want. He hadn’t thought ‘eventually’ would be that night, so, so soon when he wasn’t ready for it. He’d hoped he’d get to keep her for at least a little bit longer… but life was rarely kind to him.

He should’ve known this was going to happen.

“This doesn’t have to be goodbye.”

Lucifer let out a humorless, self-deprecating laugh as he downed the drink Patrick had just placed in front of him.

Of course, this was goodbye. Humans always left when they found their soulmates, so there was no reason to drag this one over. Her absence would be punishment enough, her rejection was painful enough; there was no reason for him to drag her to Hell along with his broken heart. 

All in all, Lucifer would rather keep the good memories intact, the brief months where he’d felt like an angel again, untainted by the sin of who he’d become.

“Right.” He said, swallowing away the lump that had formed in his throat. “And how’s…?”

He definitely didn’t need to know. No sane person would want to, to prolong this rejection, to choose to worsen their torture. But he was still the Devil in the end. He deserved the pain.

Maybe this would finally be the time he learned his lesson. Wanting too much had always been his doom.

But when he glanced at her, he knew he also wanted to know why he was so wrong. Why he wasn’t enough to give her all she’d never dreamed to want, and this- this…

“Dan.” The Detective supplied; her voice strangely resigned.

“Right.” Lucifer gulped down. Somehow this all hadn’t felt real until then, not until he had a name. “How’s this _Dan_ , then? Not one of the criminals you apprehend, I hope.”

“God, no.” She said, reaching out for the tumbler his bartender had placed for her when she’d arrived.

Yes, _God._ It had been his plan, after all. Letting him know heavenly peace once again only to cast him back into Hell, _again._ Lucifer almost rose his eyes to glare at him, but it was he who was to blame.

He’d never thought there’d come the day where he would cherish one of his Father’s manipulations, but there he was, again, the punchline of another celestial joke.

“He’s…” The Detective began, leaning more heavily into the counter as she contemplated her answer. “Short?”

He let out a snort, even if it pained him to do so. Even if he felt like dying in the moment. She’d cursed his height more than a couple times by now, and he’d always leaned down to kiss her filled with amusement when she did.

Of course, _Dan_ would be short. 

“I don’t know. He’s… okay, I guess. He’s a detective, too. One of the transfers I was guiding around today.” The Detective let out a huff, but all Lucifer could think about was how it had gone from ‘babysitting the new transfers’ just this morning and into _‘guiding’._ “He’s catholic, I think.”

The look she shot him then was entirely inappropriate for his heart. It made him smirk, somewhat proud from finally getting an upper hand on the man that had taken everything he’d come to care for on Earth right from his grasp.

Because, if there was one thing Lucifer would always cherish was how Chloe had always come screaming his name. Somehow turning the three syllables that defined this bitter, scarred thing he’d become into something almost worthy of her affection. Almost as if, in her voice, he could be holy again.

As if he could be redeemed by her grace alone.

The smile turned bitter in his face. There he went again, wanting things too far beyond his reach.

“He filled his table with those awful bobbleheads, and he eats more pudding than it’s healthy. But he seems… fine. One of those athletic types, who loves his grandma and still has Sunday dinner with his parents, you know?”

Good. Safe, dependable. Just.

_Normal._

All the things he wasn’t.

“He seems boring.” Lucifer said, a bitterness coloring his tone that he couldn’t quite keep to himself. He opted to reach for an entire bottle of scotch this time, finding that filling his glass again was easier than looking into her eyes.

“Yeah.” The Detective breathed out, a soft smile appearing in her face but that didn’t quite reach her eyes. It didn’t help him at all the way she talked about this _Dan_ , almost as if she was trying to convince herself that it was what she wanted, what she _should_ want. “I don’t think he noticed it was me.”

Lucifer’s questioning eyes snapped back to hers, a frown settling over him. It was quite impossible not to notice her. She’d stood out to him from all the way across his club, and his gaze had been constantly searching her light ever since.

The information made him feel strangely angry at this _Dan._ If he made Chloe feel unseen…

He would, what? Put the fear of the Devil onto this… _Detective Douche_? It wasn’t his place anymore.

Maybe it never had been.

Besides, he had no doubt hi- _the_ Detective wouldn’t let anyone walk over her. He had never been able to get away with anything, after all.

“It’s, uh… when we… It was a bit disorienting, the colors I mean. They were just… _there_ all of a sudden. And, uh…” She broke off with a humorless scoff, not quite able to meet his eyes. “He just started looking at everyone, almost… accusingly? I don’t know.”

Her eyes were fixed on the glass she kept turning between her fingers for the longest seconds, until they found his again, open and vulnerable, and it almost made him forget the pain that was clawing at his insides.

Almost.

“I didn’t tell him it was me.” Her voice was low, almost too low for him to pick up over the music in the club. Lucifer ended up leaning closer to hear her, the gesture too familiar for any of them to stop it.

There was a desperation gnawing its way up his throat, making his heart thump madly against his ribcage until he thought it would burst out of his chest.

“Why?” He asked. After everything they’d shared, everything he’d learned about her, Lucifer would’ve guessed she’d leap at the possibility. He knew how deeply she hid her need to see the colors, deep enough to even deny it to herself.

But maybe…

Her eyes bored on his, and he didn’t dare to imagine… but, what if?

What if this wasn’t just about her secret desire to belong to a world too simple for her extraordinariness, to be a step closer to the father she still loved and had lost too young. To cave into that deep curiosity that drove her forward every step of the way.

What if, dare he wish, – miracle of all miracles – he had come to mean something to her, too?

Lucifer’s voice wavered when he whispered her name between whatever little space still pushed them apart. A simple _‘Chloe…’_ , a bit broken and still pained, that stole the breath right out from her lungs, that made the emotion in her eyes all that brighter.

When her lips touched his, searing heat and hard and even a bit desperate, looking for the reason to stay he couldn’t give… he could almost forget all the pain.

_Almost._

They both had known this was only temporary. Nothing good had ever happened in his life to make Lucifer think he could want more, and he wasn’t enough to give Chloe the colors she craved.

And, in the end, no one would willingly want to bind themselves to the Devil, after all.

So, when he kissed her again, it felt like goodbye.

“Are you sure?” He barely managed to ask around the lump that had closed his throat, his eyes uncharacteristically moist.

“Yeah. Go out with a bang and all of that.” 

Lucifer let out an impressed huff. And in that moment, almost consumed by her light and the happiness that lit up her features, he couldn’t bring himself to care for consequences.

If this was their last time, he’d make as many memories as he could.

* * *

Lucifer almost lost his footing when the elevator doors opened, removing the wall Chloe had backed him into. They stumbled on their way inside the penthouse, barely catching themselves as hands ran incessantly through clothes and hair and skin, desperate as they held each other close.

They didn’t make it to the bed. Stumbles followed them as jackets and shoes came off, hands only leaving each other long enough to remove garments until they fell onto the couch in a heap of limbs. 

Shirts and trousers came off in a blur, physical motions only second to the overflowing desire Lucifer felt consuming him as Chloe rose on top of him, moving, grinding, gasping. Making him feel stars bursting inside him with every touch of her skin.

One of his hands tangled itself through her hair to pull her in for a deep kiss, and he moaned into her lips when she curled her tongue around his, when she ran her nails down his chest, when her fingers dipped beneath the band of his boxers to pull them off.

Lucifer’s focus turned to her breasts as he took off her bra, feeling their familiar weight that had once allowed him to recognize her and now were so ingrained to him as she was. He reached out to cup them, massage them, taste them, until Chloe was panting her breath away, head thrown back in pleasure.

Her hands pulled at his locks until his eyes met hers, bright and hazed in his darkened penthouse. But what struck him past the almost divine sight of her, was the golden in his bar lights that snuck between them, bathing her with a bright light just like hers, and complementing the gold in her hair much too perfectly to be true.

It hurt him more than Lucifer cared to admit. It was a blow to his soul, a knife stabbing at his metaphorical gut. A reminder that, like everything else in his life, _they_ were just about to crumble away.

He shifted them around in a heartbeat, laying Chloe down on the couch and settling above her, his naked chest flush with hers, feeling the heat of her skin seeping into his. He angled himself just enough to block the light from reaching her, from pulling her away, so they could be happy one last time in grey.

Lucifer pulled her panties down at once and entered her in a swift motion, burring himself deep in her. He’d become so addicted to the sensation that he moaned in relief at having her around him, surrounding him, consuming him. The feel of her much more powerful that any hit had ever given him. Chloe’s responding gasp almost made Lucifer lose strength in the arms that held him up and just collapse on top of her. 

It was foolish to think he could change her mind somehow, tether her soul to his so she wouldn’t leave him behind, but it didn’t stop his heart from wanting. He wasn’t sure how he’d gotten himself there, in that situation, so deep with a single human Lucifer didn’t know where he begun, and she ended. 

There had been no obvious turning point, but he couldn’t deny who he was now was vastly different from the Devil he’d been before. That was a change he’d dreaded in the beginning, but now he couldn’t deny that this Lucifer was who he wanted to be. He didn’t want to go back to the Devil of before, but with Chloe gone, he wasn’t sure he could resist the monster from taking back control.

Her nails dug into the skin of his back and Lucifer felt like he was on fire, desire consuming his soul entirely, leaving little space for thoughts of a future alone.

_“Chloe…”_ His broken voice drifted through the minimal space between them, attracting her eyes to his, and what he saw in them made him overflow with all he felt.

Her hands were reverent when they reached out to cup his cheeks, like he was precious to her, like in her hands he was holy again. And when her lips met his, he felt at home once again.

But a home wasn’t something he seemed destined to have. It was something he was meant to stand back and watch as it crumbled to dust around him, as it denied him, as it pushed him out. And this time would be no different.

When they finally started to move, Lucifer was overwhelmed with feeling. His hands turned rough as he gripped one of the thighs she’d encircled his hips with, and he pulled her as close as she pulled him.

His chest brushed with hers with every move, heat consuming them as they sweated and grinded and slid, her skin so soft in comparison to the uncomfortable leather of his couch on slick skin and that complained with every thrust.

With every gasp, she sent him closer and closer to the edge, every scratch, every cry of his name pushing him closer to losing his mind. They kept moaning and moving and drowning in pleasure and clinging to each other, until the tension coiled between them was so tight that it couldn’t help but snap.

Chloe’s orgasm came with a loud scream of his name, her nails digging into his back and pulling him close as her walls clenched around his shaft and pulled Lucifer over the edge with her.

He spilled into her with a hoarse cry, his overflowing emotions exploding from inside him like a physical thing as he lost all strength in his arms and collapsed on top of her, spent and blissful and whole.

Her arms came to wrap around his waist to keep him from rolling off of her, and Lucifer sighed in relief, not quite ready to let go of her just yet. His lips found hers in a soft kiss, sweet and lazy and so clearly _them_ in the afterglow that it made him hurt inside.

Strands of her hair prickled his feverish skin and her fingertips wandered through his features as they gazed at each other, until his bliss was overtaken by desperation and Lucifer felt his soul draining away. He kissed her, searching for that feeling of home once again, letting it fill his night until much, much later when they were both completely spent and couldn’t fight sleep off for any longer.

* * *

The sky was still prickled with lone stars when Chloe rose from the sweet relief of slumber, the sun only now starting to break through the horizon to chase away the dark. She stretched all the kinks away from sleep, relishing in the familiar ache in her muscles.

She was still sore in all the right places, in a way only Lucifer could leave her. She could still feel the ghost of his touch on her body, playing her as expertly as he played his piano. His skin searing hot as his hands spread fire through her entire being until she burned, hickeys and beard marks left behind when their desire had burnt itself to embers.

The scratches her nails left on his back always left her feeling strangely proud. They were such a stark contrast to the irregular monstrosities that marred his skin, not only in size, but also in meaning, that it always left her a bit distraught. 

Imagining a young, curly haired boy being held down and screaming as his back was carved open had already given her enough nightmares for a lifetime.

Chloe sighed as she allowed her eyes to caress his features for one last time, taking in the sharp cut of his jaw and the short hairs that filled his scruff and always tickled her when they kissed. She allowed her eyes to wonder along his high cheekbones and down his nose, following a path of tiny freckles down his neck and chest. 

She took in all the lean muscles sculpted to perfection, all the sharp edges that were softened by sleep. She took in the soft, thick curls and his long pianist fingers and the marks she’d left in him from their hours spent making love.

Hours that she would carry close to her heart for the rest of her days, along with all the moments she’d shared with him, all the times she’d been graced with his carefree laughter and the mischief in his soft gaze.

All the care in the world in his eyes as he watched her.

Lucifer was precious to her in a way she didn’t dare admit. In a way she didn’t think anyone else could ever be.

Chloe ran her knuckles down his cheek for the last time, her touch softer than the silk of his sheets, softer than the wonder in his touch. And then she forced herself to get up from the bed and gather her clothes, knowing that if she waited for him to get up, she’d never find the strength to say goodbye and leave him behind.

The void she had witnessed taking over his eyes as they talked in the club the night before would forever haunt her. How she’d made him go from gleeful at seeing her into wishing the ground would just swallow him whole, only a husk of his former spark.

But Chloe couldn’t just disappear, and more than that, she hadn’t wanted to. She’d come to rely on him more than they both realized. Lucifer had wormed his way into her life, and she was too far past caring. He was her best friend.

It shattered her soul into a million pieces, but she couldn’t go on without telling him, so she’d gone and broken them both.

The desperation he’d kissed her with, the heavy, anguished emotion that had filled his eyes, that had made his voice waver… the reverence he’d touched her with for the rest of the night as he held her close…

Chloe swallowed the lump and the tears that had filled her eyes.

She let out a heavy sigh, replaying again all the reasons why this was the right thing. It was what she had wanted all along, wasn’t it? To find her soulmate, the one person that would always love her and never break her heart.

All of her life, she’d been waiting for… _Dan._

Who she hadn’t even met properly, or talked to properly. Who hadn’t even given her two looks before ditching her to go around and look for his soulmate, more focused on himself and his potential girlfriend than he was in the case she was trying to juggle while babysitting him around.

Why was it that she had to completely tear her life apart for him, who hadn’t even cared enough to ask for her name?

It wasn’t for herself, because every time her eyes strayed back to Lucifer, who always looked so young and carefree in his sleep, as if the world had finally stopped dragging him down, she had a reason to stay. Every time her eyes found him, she had a reason to say _‘fuck it’_ to the colors that had given her one hell of a headache all day long.

Colors that had completely disappeared when Dan had wondered into the break room for his fifth pudding of the day and barely returned since. Colors that hadn’t stuck around when she left the precinct to meet Lucifer.

Chloe grabbed her phone and forced herself into her clothes. Not falling for someone grey had been her own rule, goddammit. And here she was now, contemplating the possibility of ignoring Dan for the rest of her life, if only it meant she still got to stay-

She let out a trembling sigh, wiping away the couple tears that insisted on rolling down her cheeks. She was doing this because it was the right thing to do.

Yes, of course it was.

_Just keep telling yourself that, and maybe a miracle will make you believe in it._

She’d even resorted to calling her mom about it in a moment of weakness and doubt. Penelope had been so happy she’d actually cried – real tears even, not the fake ones she’d tried so hard to teach Chloe – already wanting to know all the details about the _‘man who was gonna rock her world, and just jump him already, pumpkin’._ Chloe hadn’t had in her the courage to say that maybe Dan wasn’t what she really wanted.

That maybe she preferred pressed suits and wild curls instead of the Detective Fashion™ Dan had going on. Maybe she preferred gentlemanly and soft eyes and caring touches, strong arms that always wrapped around her so, so carefully and a gaze that never seemed to be able to look at anything else that wasn’t her.

She wanted, and wanted, and wanted…

But when the elevator closed its doors, ready to tear her apart from her best friend, Chloe forced herself to leave her broken heart behind because a piece of her would always be his.

* * *

Sunlight graced his eyes when Lucifer woke up, illuminating the penthouse in an almost ethereal glow, but the gold of the morning rays was gone. Dread filed up his chest, closing in around his heart until he felt ice running through his veins.

Lucifer woke up, _alone_ , to a bleak morning and wished he’d stayed asleep.

A humorless laugh fell from his lips, almost bordering on manic, as his eyes focused on the ceiling, staring past it at the Almighty Bastard that resided above. This was finally it then; dear old Dad had finally broken him.

He’d allowed Lucifer to have everything he’d never dared, never even dreamed of wanting and then had taken it right out of his grasp to throw at some lowly mortal who couldn’t even fully appreciate _who_ had practically been handed to him by Daddy Dearest with some pretty colors strapped on.

Was it even a torture if Lucifer couldn’t bring himself to regret it? 

Would it still be a punishment if, given the chance, he’d do it all over again?

He inhaled the last of her scent that still lingered around him, his hand reaching out to the sheets she’d laid on but that had long since gone cold.

“Well played, Dad.” Lucifer whispered, his voice brittle and broken as he finally let the tears overflow. “Well played.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... sorry?


	9. your smile is a beautiful lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you, thank you, _thank you_ everyone. the amount of comments i got last chapter was _insane!_ when i first started writing as stress relief i never imagined i would one day get as much support as i did last chapter. seriously, thank you all for sticking around for this one and a special thank you to everyone that commented and left kudos and chose to keep reading this story every week. you guys are amazing and i'm so honoured i earned some tears with all that heartbreak XD
> 
> also, there's a bit of a time skip of a few weeks between this chapter and the last one. i hope it's easy to notice.
> 
> but as always  
> \- CONTENT WARNING -  
> graphic depictions of blood. this chapter's only one scene so no easy way to skip around it, so i suggest reading until you're comfortable with it. the case with the blood isn't in any way major to the plot. it's mostly to showcase Chloe's newfound unsettling feelings for colors.

Never before in her life had Chloe wished so hard that her dad was right.

The first time she had truly experienced red in all its glory was at a crime scene, and it made her want to vomit. The color was deep and rich, in a way that only blood could be, and it surrounded the body of a woman, too young for her fate. 

It had poured out of the knife wounds on her stomach and drenched the rug beneath her. And it marked the walls in terrifying handprints from when she had tried to escape her horrible end.

There was a reason why old black and white movies were still her favorites despite all the new wonders that had been blessed upon her – or whatever it was the colors were supposed to be.

Still, it was the black and white that comforted her at night, after hard cases that refused to free her mind whenever she walked home. It was the monotone dichotomy of colors that now filled the space where drawn out songs on the piano over takeout and a glass of scotch on the balcony late at night used to occupy.

All this blood was making her _sick._

“Hey, you alright, Chlo’?” Ella asked, looking up from her crouch next to their young victim. The sight gave Chloe pause, needing a second to swallow the bile that had risen up her throat.

“Yeah, sorry. Got a lot on my mind, is all.” She cleared her throat, hoping to free herself from that lump that had formed there so she could focus on their victim despite all the bright red blood that threatened to overwhelm her. “What do we have here?”

“Hannah Miller, 24. Cause of death looks like blood loss from multiple stab wounds to the stomach.” Ella’s eyes turned to the woman on the floor, and for a moment her usual brand of cheerfulness was gone at the pain of a young life lost so soon.

“Do you have a time of death?” Chloe asked, hoping beyond hope it would lessen the haze of grief consuming her chest.

“Sometime around eight pm and midnight last night is my guess. I can give you a more accurate one once I get back to the lab.”

“How about a possible murder weapon? Did the unis find anything?” Chloe asked, settling the timeframe and initial assessments into her usual order of facts. She could slowly feel the continuous repetition of the procedures taking over the more ‘civilian’ side of her mind, allowing her, even if only for a second, to push away the horrid scene that would leave others rushing to get away.

“Still looking. But it looks like a hunting knife, about 10 inches, I’d say.” Ella supplied, turning this way and that to get better shots with her camera. The flash hurt the back of Chloe’s eyes with each photo taken, sudden, powerful flashes of white that briefly banished the colors away.

“Not a weapon of convenience, then.” She thought out loud, scanning the snug kitchen of the small apartment Hannah Miller had resided in.

There had been no signs of a forced entry on the main door, and the broken glass in the living room showed only one cup bottom, so she had probably been alone. Had she been surprised by someone inside and tried to run away?

The bloody handprints did point to that, but there had been no trail of blood following her into the kitchen, only misshaped spots dotting the living room carpet.

Her mind was still reeling with possibilities, trying to fit her initial theories while putting order to the case, looking for her early leads and maybe clues no one had thought to look for… when Dan suddenly materialized in front of her. 

Chloe flinched back into her body, her mind still half consumed by the red in the blood, and she barely registered when he leaned down to kiss her. She didn’t respond, barely even breathed, but it didn’t seem to faze him one bit.

“Morning, Chlo’.” Dan greeted, that self-satisfying smile of his just too bright for her to deal with at the moment.

Chloe mumbled whatever greeting she could manage while she tried to gather the scraps of information she’d strewn away when he’d appeared. On one hand, she was immensely glad for her – even if limited – acting skills that Dan hadn’t even noticed how annoyed she was at him for that.

On the other, this was her soulmate she was talking about. It shouldn’t be like this.

She shouldn’t be feeling _this._

“So, for our date tonight, I was thinking…” Dan began, his eyes pointedly drifting through her figure, but the heat in his gaze didn’t even spark into embers the fire Chloe knew lived inside her.

Maybe because the heat wasn’t directed at her, not exactly. It was more for an idea of her he had constructed than anything else. It should’ve made her mad, but all it did was make her tired.

A heavy sigh escaped her lips and she briefly closed her eyes. Chloe had been avoiding thinking about this date tonight, their _third._ While she didn’t really think it was more than a saying than anything else, they both knew what happened at those.

What Dan had been implying since she’d told him she was his soulmate.

The thought alone of getting intimate with him, who barely even looked at her – the _real_ her, not the façade he’d created – made her queasy. But today she felt downright nauseous, and that red blood just wouldn’t let her be.

“Can we talk about it later?” Chloe cut through whatever plans it was he was excitedly talking about. She could almost feel Hannah Miller’s eyes staring at her from the floor, judging her for trying to be happy while she laid dead on her kitchen.

It grated on her nerves the way Dan always seemed to forget she was working whenever she walked into the room. How he could still kiss her and exude a bubbly happiness and talk about their relationship when there was a dead woman right next to them, all that _red_ surrounding her that seemed to want to drown Chloe in it.

But the way he always treated her as his girlfriend, first and foremost, as if she couldn’t be anything else, made her downright _mad._

“Okay. Yeah, sure.” Dan said, the faze in his look remaining for only a moment. It soon turned into a smile, and he leaned down to place a quick peck on her cheek before Chloe could stop him. “I’ll see you later, then.”

Chloe sighed as she watched him leave. She closed her eyes, and for a brief second she wished the colors would just disappear when she opened them back up.

Life had been so much easier before all this mess…

She let out a relieving breath when Ella chose not to comment on how her humor had practically nosedived since she’d arrived at the crime scene, her annoyance at Dan being just the last drop.

Her feelings, this situation, it was just… unfair. To her, to Lucifer, even to Dan. It was almost funny how something Chloe had craved since she’d learned about it had completely wrecked her life and everyone that surrounded her.

Fortunately for her, she didn’t meet Ella again until she was done collecting statements and canvasing the crime scene for the last time. She appreciated the break from her own thoughts, glad to have work to occupy her mind with. But the pesky colors were always there as a reminder that she couldn’t run away from it this time.

Throwing herself at work and pretending her problem didn’t exist wouldn’t work here, not when the cause of it worked with her.

“Hey, can I get a ride back to the precinct with you?” Ella asked when she approached her an hour later, a big bag of forensics equipment around her shoulders. Chloe recognized it for the ambush it was, obvious in the concerned look in her friend’s eyes, but she didn’t have it in herself to stop her.

It could even be nice, talking to someone about what had been eating her inside for the past few weeks – someone that wasn’t her mom, someone that might just understand her when she said that maybe she didn’t want to have a soulmate anymore.

That maybe her life had been better off grey.

That every time she looked at Lucifer’s eyes now, forcing her mind to understand they were – _just_ – friends, she could see a cold void where he used to burn bright and warm, a darkness she had put there.

It would be nice, to talk to someone who could maybe understand what she didn’t understand herself, what she wasn’t brave enough to admit to herself. She just didn’t know how to go on about it.

So, it was only halfway in the drive back to the precinct that Chloe finally decided to break the silence. She had recognized the almost desperate curiosity in Ella’s eyes and decided that it would most certainly be better if she just took the lead on that particular subject.

“Do you think-” Chloe tried to give voice to her conflicting thoughts before she realized what she was saying and stopped herself.

_Do you think I’m crazy because maybe I hate my soulmate?_

_Right._ Not the best image to present of herself, or the tone to be set for this particular conversation.

“Do I think what?” Ella asked back when Chloe remained silent, that glee still burning in her eyes, but with an added carefulness.

“Nothing, it’s nothing.” She said with a sigh, her courage all but disappearing on her. Of course, now would be the time for that. “It’s stupid. Just forget about it.”

And Ella did, for almost a minute, before the concern in her eyes won over her initial curiosity. “You sure, Chlo’? Cause you haven’t seemed really happy lately.”

Chloe let out a sigh, long and drawn out. That was just it. She didn’t think she’d smiled – at least not properly – since the morning she’d seen Lucifer out after breakfast, all those weeks ago. She hadn’t felt peaceful and content since before she’d gone into work on that fateful day, when the colors had wrecked her life like a bomb, destroying everything in their wake.

Sometimes Chloe wished she’d remained in bed with Lucifer for just a little while longer, or maybe taken an extra second to appreciate the breakfast he’d made. She wished she’d indulged longer in his embrace, that her lips had lingered on his or found his warm skin for just one last time before she had had to go…

If only it would’ve stopped the colorful misery that now surrounded her soul.

“You see colors, right?” She asked, out of the blue, more than desperate for something else to fill her mind.

“Yeah.” The response came out slowly as Ella tried to school her surprise into a more neutral reaction while carefully hiding her suspicion. “I wasn’t sure you’d noticed.”

Chloe only shone her a bitter smile in acknowledgement, keeping that quip about her being a detective carefully sealed inside her mouth.

It always left her tasting bile whenever she thought about it now, whenever she heard someone else calling her by her title. How she was only _a_ detective now, not _the_ Detective.

The title didn’t ring like it used to, it was never pronounced with the same care. It didn’t drift in the air in beautiful British cadences anymore, not like it still did in her ears in the dead of night.

“How?” Chloe found herself asking before she remembered the taboo that had always surrounded questioning someone’s colors. 

“Sorry, I don’t mean to offend you, it’s just – well, there’s really no good way to ask this, is there?” She rushed to add, already feeling the blush heating up her cheeks. “It’s okay if you don’t want to answer.” Chloe said sheepishly, fixing her eyes on the traffic in front of her.

“Nah, it’s cool. I get you, Chlo’.” Ella replied immediately, settling into her trademark cheerfulness. Her eyes shone with a happy glow, glad to be of assistance, and it made Chloe wonder why she had ever dreaded talking to Ella.

Ella had always made her feel accepted, even if her usual brand of excitement wasn’t exactly what she was looking for in this particular conversation. 

“You ever been to church?” Her friend asked, just as out of the blue as Chloe’s question had been.

“Not really.” 

“There’s a passage in the bible about colors. It says God gave them to us as a reward for loving Him. But like, not everyone is Christian, right? And they still see the colors alright.” Ella shared, her hand all the while gripping at the tiny silver cross she kept around her neck. “So, the passage started being interpreted as the colors appearing out of love for someone.”

Chloe couldn’t say this was what she had expected, but it wasn’t as if she hadn’t not expected some sort of God related answer, either. Ella’s faith had always been important to her, and while she supported her friend, Chloe herself had never believed in any of it.

To her, religion had always just been pretty words that justified people’s prejudices and behaviors. That took the guilt out of humanity, so everyone could just breathe a little easier and have the cold comfort of a two-thousand-year-old book.

“There’s no mention of soulmates anywhere on the bible, though.” Ella added after a second of silence. “It was humanity that came up with that concept cause we, as a species, can’t survive alone.”

That… made Chloe take pause. While not being religious herself, she had always believed in soulmates. She had always had a strange certainty in it that she didn’t know where it came from. She had always just assumed it was right, had to be right, just like the whole world seemed to believe the same thing… _just like a religion._

After all, she had never had any wants to question it, not something that was so ingrained and vital to society. Not something kids were thought in school, not something she’d seen people experience. Her own parents…

Maybe Ella’s beliefs in God weren’t so far away from her own. To her, they had just never had the same name before.

How ironic was it that the answer to her doubts about faith could be in the bible of all places? 

_‘I wouldn’t say unreachable, just… misguided, I suppose.’_

Her conversation with Lucifer all those months – and had it really been _months_ since they’d met? – ago had been pretty on point. He had always been against soulmates and colors – freedom had always been his desire after all – but he’d let himself wonder in her desires for once. 

They had talked about colors and given themselves freely to the possibilities and ‘what if’s’. And Chloe would be lying if she said she didn’t crave to see his eyes bright and colorful, his glee that lit up the world around him in all its magnificent colorful brilliance.

She would be lying if she said she hadn’t imagined what a colorful life they could have had, what it would’ve been like to have him as her soulmate.

She had already been happy with him in grey. Why had she desired for more?

“But, like, not everyone has a soulmate, right? I don’t, and I can still see them.” Ella added, completely oblivious to the turmoil that had consumed Chloe’s thoughts.

Chloe forced herself to swallow the lump in her throat, and her pain along with it.

“My dad used to say that it was more about you than about the other person, but I never really understood it. I guess it’s why my mom can still see them, even after he passed away.” She said, her voice strangely calm like the feeling that always spurred on her when she talked about her dad.

He’d always been able to do that. His certainty in everything had always been tranquilizing. He’d been why Chloe trusted colors so much, why she craved them… why she’d never thought to question them before.

They were the part of him she’d still get to keep alive even ten years after he passed away.

“Yeah. For me, it was when I acknowledged that I was ace. I only started seeing them after I recognized that I didn’t need someone else, and it was fine if I only ever loved myself.”

Seven billion people in the world, of course they didn’t all love the same way. Some people loved more than they should, some people didn’t deserve the love they were given, some people loved more than one person. Some people didn’t need to love anyone else. So, it stood to reason that it wouldn’t be the same for everyone.

“Still, we don’t really know why it happens, or how. We’re all just guessing here. It’s all part of the Big Guy’s plan, and He has never been really forthcoming with anything, right?”

Chloe let out a self-conscious huff. Oh, the irony of finding comfort in someone’s interpretation of the so-called book of God. Lucifer would’ve laughed his ass off at her.

“Now, _Dan._ Tell me about it.”

Her sigh this time was heavy, made even heavier by Ella’s excitement. “There’s nothing to tell, really.”

Despite a couple dates and more than a few kisses, they hadn’t done much. Work was, surprisingly, a major complication for them. Between juggling cases and mountains of paperwork, there was barely any time for them to meet outside the precinct.

And as much as Dan tried, and he really did – especially when they were at work, which only ended up grating on her nerves – there were no sidelong glances, no caring touches, or quiet nights spent filling paperwork over takeout, only to end up getting too drunk to work or have sex and giggling themselves to sleep.

“Oh, come on, Chlo’. I _need_ the deets.” Ella pleaded with her usual happy tones back into her voice. Chloe knew her friend was only excited for her, but it only served to make her situation even more uncomfortable. 

A beat passed where Chloe remained silent, dreading having to put into words the disaster that her ‘relationship’ had turned into. But in the end, she didn’t have to.

“Wait, there’s really nothing to tell? Nothing at all?” Ella asked, the surprise not so hidden from her tone as she hoped.

“No.” It pained her to confirm, but there was no other light to this situation, was there?

“But there _is_ something going on, right?” Ella asked back.

Somehow, despite all the painful consequences and doubts it had already brought to her life, saying it out loud for the first time still took the breath right out of her lungs.

“It just feels… _wrong,_ somehow. It’s weird, right? I should just be grateful to have him, but…” Chloe sighed, her chest heavy with grief. The mere thought hurt, that maybe something was wrong with her.

It shouldn’t be like this. Her life wasn’t supposed to be like this. It wasn’t supposed to hurt all the damn time.

It shouldn’t feel like she was leaving Lucifer while he slept all over again.

“We just don’t… _fit_ together, not like-” She cut herself off before she could finish. There was no need to, her heart still ached all the same.

“Not like… you and Lucifer, huh?” 

Ella’s comment caught Chloe off guard. She was glad she’d stopped at a red light, with the way her gaze had suddenly snapped to her friend, completely ignoring the traffic in front of her.

“Come on. I have eyes, you know. You two were pretty obvious that night on the club.” Ella leered, making heat crawl up to Chloe’s cheeks. “And you were hiding some pretty spectacular hickeys the next day.”

If she turned even a little bit redder, Chloe thought, she might as well just catch on fire.

“Now, don’t get me wrong. The two of you? _Super_ hot together. I mean, just imagine what spectacular babies you’d have.” Ella babbled away, completely ignoring her reaction, and the original point of the conversation. “And Lucifer is gorgeous, _and_ British. And that voice of his? I bet he’s real pretty when he screams your name.”

“Just imagine… _Detective._ ” Ella carried on, her mimic of his accent completely wrong, but Chloe didn’t need to imagine. The memory was still carefully secured where no one cloud take it away from her. “Well, I guess you don’t really have to, cause, you know… _you know_ how he sounds.”

“And I definitely don’t need to tell you how stunning you are, right? You two together, definitely _wow. And_ you were _super_ hot making out on that wall. He was totally gone for you, clinging to you like that.” Ella said, until her brows suddenly frowned, and her gaze turned inquisitive on her. “Wait, it did happen right? The wall part? It wasn’t just drunk me imagining things, right?”

Chloe wasn’t sure how she was still alive. Surely, she should’ve self-combusted by then, right? With how hot and red she felt? _“Yes.”_ She managed to reply, her voice hoarse. She _definitely_ didn’t need the reminder of kissing Lucifer against the wall that night. Or the way her title drifted from his tongue when he was lost in his own pleasure.

“But…” Ella spoke again, and this time, her voice was like a bucket of ice being thrown over Chloe. “It doesn’t seem like you two have a lot in common, either.”

On the outside, definitely not. Chloe couldn’t imagine being more different from anyone else in the world.

But she also remembered all the nights they’d spent eating takeout while she worked and he played his piano, the trash procedurals she’d gotten him hooked on – how he’d claimed it was all part of his research. She still remembered all the soft eyes that always gazed upon her, and the care she contemplated him with.

Maybe it wasn’t about being the same as much as it was about complementing each other. And Lucifer had known her better than she did sometimes.

“But, you know, my parents weren’t soulmates either. And they’re still really happy together. A lot of people are.” Ella added, purposefully not looking at Chloe to give her the space to think. 

Chloe focused her eyes back on the road as she let her mind wander away. For the first time in weeks she felt like she could breathe. She wasn’t happy, not completely at least, but she would get there.

Talking to Ella had helped her at least sort through all the turmoil that had been filling her thoughts lately.

Both remained in silence until they reached the precinct. Chloe parked her cruise and turned to her friend, to thank her for the talk and the support, but when her eyes met Ella’s, the words refused to leave her mouth.

And it was Ella, once again, who reached out, putting into words what Chloe still couldn’t.

“I’m guessing you talked to me instead of Linda because maybe you’re not ready to confront this yet.” Ella said. Her words made all the little courage she had left flee her, and Chloe broke away from her gaze. “If she was here, I bet she’d say that whatever feelings you’re feeling are valid. It’s okay to be confused, Chlo’.”

“Thanks, Ella. Really.” Chloe said, reaching out to hug her friend. “I don’t think I’m ready to do anything yet, but… Maybe this is the start?”

“I’m sure you’ll figure something out. You’re the _Detective_ , after all.” Ella teased her, trying – and failing – to mimic Lucifer’s British accent again.

It made Chloe laugh this time, her chest not so heavy and pain filled anymore.

“And, hey, we don’t actually know how soulmates work. And, I mean, we’ve seen plenty of people kill their soulmates, right? It _really_ isn’t a perfect system. So, maybe it isn’t always right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> got a chapter more focused on world-building this time. i hope it's plausible to everyone, and i thought i owed you all some break from the angst :D
> 
> anyway. i've always had this personal headcannon that Ella was ace, so imagine my surprise when s4 rolled around and Ella and Dan happened. i chose to ignore that part of cannon for a second here, mostly to give other perspectives into what having a soulmate might actually mean, and to give some visibility to all the aces and everyone else on that grey area out there. 
> 
> i hope Ella isn't too much OOC XD i always have the worst time trying to write her


	10. can you promise we won't let go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- CONTENT WARNING -  
> beware of the angst. it's strong in this one.
> 
> also, graphic depictions of blood and injury. this chapter is divided into four scenes, and the trigger applies for the second one. I'd recommend skipping from _"She couldn’t shake away the dread she felt when she saw him."_ to _"She pulled away at last with a quick, but worried, breath, doing her best to keep the tears at bay."_ , but feel free to read until you're comfortable with it.
> 
> check end notes for a trigger-less, detailed description of what went on on that portion if you wish!

__

_**Mom** _

_Today_

_You: mom?  
You: are you busy?  
7:15PM_

_Mom: Never for you, Pumpkin.  
7:16PM

You: you still see colors right  
You: even after dad died  
7:16PM

Mom: Yes.  
7:16PM

You: are they still the same?  
7:16PM

Mom: They used to be brighter.  
7:17PM_

_Mom: Why do you ask?  
7:18PM_

_You: the colors disappear when Dan isn’t around for me  
7:19PM_

_Mom: It used to be like that for me in the beginning.  
Mom: They were fainter when your dad wasn’t there.  
Mom: Like they are now.  
Mom: But sometimes they get bright when I think about him.  
7:19PM

You: but they never disappeared completely  
7:20PM

Mom: Not that I remember.  
7:20PM_

_Mom: Are you okay, honey?  
Mom: Is something wrong with Dan?  
7:23PM_

_You: no  
You: nothing’s wrong  
You: I’m fine  
7:25PM_

* * *

After all her years spent working as a police officer and then a detective, Chloe had learned to separate her job from her personal life. She had been forced to toughen up because crime scenes were never pretty and staring at the worst of the worst in humanity every single day would consume her soul if she hadn’t.

Cops couldn’t be fazed by blood or dead bodies. She couldn’t be scared of the criminals that lurked in the shadows. She should always stare straight ahead, her aim certain and ready to kill if the situation called for it, and she shouldn’t feel guilty about it.

_Criminals get what they deserve, sweetheart, even if that is a bullet between the eyes._

Even now, years later, Chloe could still hear her training officer’s words, ringing in her ears every time she raised her weapon. _Suck it up, Decker. Criminals are scum. You’ll see when you go out in the streets._

_Never hesitate to shoot._

She had always wondered when it became murder when it was cops who did the killing.

The anger in the training officer’s eyes when she had asked him that still flashed before her eyes every time Chloe reached for her gun. The heat in his words still burned her whenever she closed her eyes at night after a shooting.

Her aim had always been straight when she had her gun in hand. But the trembling always came after. Especially at night, when she was left alone with only the dark keeping her company.

On the outside, Chloe pretended not to feel it, that pain that gnawed up her chest, clawing at her insides. _The guilt doesn’t last_ , it was what all officers had told her. _You get used to it._

How someone could get used to killing people was still a mystery to her.

Despite her police training instructing her otherwise and the pain that always consumed her at night, Chloe feared the day she might be indifferent to taking a life. The day she would get to a crime scene and not feel anything for the victim there.

Apprehending murderers had, surprisingly, been harder than she thought.

The whole thing was always a rollercoaster of emotions that left her spent at the end of the day. The high of the chase, the satisfaction of slapping the cuffs on, the sense of justice when she watched criminals being led away to holding cells – it was all momentary. 

The adrenaline always came crashing down when she got the confessions, when she had to look at photos of the victim again as she closed the case.

That had been true for her latest, for Hannah Miller. Chloe had just now returned from arresting her killer, Jonah Richmond, 27, _Hannah’s soulmate._ They’d had just met a couple months ago, some random encounter at a coffee shop of all places.

But Hannah had already had a boyfriend, a grey one.

Jonah had confessed to the murder proudly. _That bitch owed me the colors;_ he had spat. So, he’d killed her when she refused to be with him, when he couldn’t force her to like him.

Chloe had to swallow down the bile that threatened to rise up her throat every time she remembered that confession. She always tried so, so hard not to project, not to compare her life to victims or murderers… but she couldn’t keep the thought away this time.

So, she’d ran to the one place, the one person, that had always helped her fight her demons back into the shadows.

The elevator doors opened, and she was washed away by the familiar feeling of _relief._ The penthouse still looked the same, every time she came. Everything was still the same, still grey.

It had frightened her, the first time the colors had disappeared when Dan wasn’t around, on the very same day they’d met. Now, Chloe was mostly used to it. Subconsciously, she even knew when the colors would start to fade back into grey, and she could tell when Dan was near with how they rushed back in.

She was pretty sure it wasn’t supposed to be like that, that the colors were supposed to stick around, never leave her again for as long as she had her soulmate. But for her, they did, and she dreaded finding out why.

It didn’t stop those same, exhausting thoughts from running through her mind every time the grey rushed in, all the why’s and what if’s. Most days, she refrained herself from delving deeper into her fears. She had lived most of her life in grey, after all. She was used to it.

In that particular moment, though, – and every other time she had come to see Lucifer – it was a relief to only see grey.

Chloe couldn’t even count anymore how many times she’d sought Lucifer out after a particularly tough case at work. Somehow, even after everything, he could still bring forth her peace of mind.

She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, letting out a satisfied sigh. The penthouse had always smelled like old books and quality booze, with just a hint of salt from the sea breeze. But that night, smoke filled the air, and the stench of alcohol almost gave her a headache.

Destruction awaited her when Chloe opened her eyes again. Furniture was overturned, glass laid broken across the floor, and the bar was dripping and drowning in expensive whiskey.

Her hand hovered over her gun holster out of reflex, a primal fear of finding Lucifer dead in the middle of the mess holding her thundering heart hostage. Chloe carefully made her way inside, finally picking up on the sorrowful notes being played on the piano. For a second, it made her breath come easier.

Her eyes drifted over the mess to find Lucifer sitting at the piano bench, hunched over the keyboard. His hair was a mess, his shirt and vest were askew and wrinkled and haggard. She had never seen him look so tired, with defeat hanging over his head like a glooming aura.

“Lucifer…” Chloe called for him. 

It didn’t make him turn around, but his fingers halted on the keys, and the silence was somehow even more deafening than the haunting notes had been.

Her steps faltered when his face caught on the light, tearing a gasp right out of her lungs. He looked pale under the moonlight, his face marred with dark bruises and even darker blood.

“I’m fine, Detective.” Lucifer choked out, turning slightly away so she couldn’t see the damage done to him.

“What happened?” She asked, the fear in her voice strangely out of place when he was concerned.

“Just a scuffle with my brother. Nothing for you to worry about.” The monotony in his tone struck something deep inside her, something numb that kept her from breaking down at the wrecked sight of him alone.

Chloe only managed to nod in response, her mind still trapped in the horror of the scene. Her nod had been such a brief thing, that for a second she thought he hadn’t noticed. But the gloom surrounding him grew even darker and menacing, seeming to consume all the light in the room.

Chloe took a deep breath before she forced herself to head to his bathroom, where she knew he kept his towels. She dampened the cloth while wiping away her tears, hoping the running water would drown her labored breaths.

She couldn’t shake away the dread she felt when she saw him. Chloe gripped the counter until her knuckles turned white, but she could still feel herself shaking.

She definitely did _not_ need to picture Lucifer lying broken in the middle of that mess, not when he looked so much like the victims she had to face every day. Not when his home looked awfully similar to a crime scene.

Not with her latest case still looming over her head, when it was all too easy to see him lying dead on the floor instead of Hannah Miller.

The mere thought made her want to vomit.

Chloe rushed back to the main area to find Lucifer tense; his back almost painfully straight and a traitorous, almost hopeful gleam to his eyes when he met her gaze. But it didn’t last, it never did.

He rushed to look away, his posture hunching over the keyboard again. It hurt Chloe to say she had come to expect it from him. The hope that was quickly swept away to give space to a cold emptiness. She had caught him with similar glimmers of hope far too frequently these past few weeks.

Glimmers that took her breath away, that reminded her exactly why she had given into him that night in the club, that lit up his eyes in a way she couldn’t anymore.

Glimmers that constricted her chest with guilt _every single time._

Chloe exhaled around the lump in her throat and moved to sit by his side on the bench, straddling it to better reach his face. One of her hands rose to cup his nape as the other brought the cloth to wipe away the blood on his cheek. First contact made him hiss and flinch away, his eyes finding hers with something awfully similar to betrayal in them for a second.

But he swallowed as he looked away, not stopping or reacting to her when she tried again.

“I don’t need your pity.” Lucifer spat, the venom dripping from his voice strangely out of place when she was concerned. He tried to hide how he glanced at her from the corner of his eyes, almost fearful that his words would actually send her away.

“It’s not pity, Lucifer. I can help. Let me help, please?” Chloe said, her voice as soft as she could manage. She had learned by now that Lucifer behaved very much like a wounded animal when hurt, be it to physical or emotional injury, so she did her best to be patient with him. To show him the soft care she knew he had been denied his entire life.

She took his silence as a yes and carried on, softly pressing the towel to his face.

It was easier to see the extent of his injuries with the bulk of the blood gone, leaving way to small cuts and blackish bruises. Chloe could see a particularly dark one peeking over the line of his stubble undoubtedly from a nasty hook to his jaw, while his cheek had already started to swell around the deep cut over the bone there.

There was a laceration near his hairline that just wouldn’t stop bleeding, but it was nothing compared to the abrasion that covered the side of his left cheek, crawling over his temple and jaw. If she didn’t know any better, Chloe would say it looked like this brother of his had dragged Lucifer’s face through asphalt.

She swallowed dry, fighting back the dread that rose inside her when her eyes fell on the broken bottles covering the floor in a million glass shards. She hadn’t needed to picture him being assaulted like that, or the way his brother must’ve hit his head on the floor to cause that cut on the side that caked his hair with blood.

“We should go to the hospital. Some of these cuts might need stitches.” Chloe told him with as much normalcy to her tone as she could manage, not that it had made the scene any more normal. Not with the cloth already dark with his blood.

“I already told you I’m fine.” His tone was harsh, but it mostly sounded as an automatic answer.

“Okay…”

Chloe chose to remain quiet as she wiped the last of the blood off of his face. She couldn’t get all of it out of his hair, not with it having dried sticking his curls, but at least the lac near his hairline had finally stopped bleeding.

She pulled away at last with a quick, but worried, breath, doing her best to keep the tears at bay.

“I’ll be fine, Detective.” Lucifer said, his soft tone so contrasting to his previous one that it caught her off guard. She rose her gaze to find him looking at her, not so stealthily at all, from the corner of his eyes while pretending he wasn’t. 

Chloe let out a steadying sigh as she tried to convince herself to believe his words. He had never lied to her, and she didn’t think he’d start now.

Without her meaning to, the hand still cupping his nape tangled itself on the short hairs there, softly running her nails to scratch at his scalp. It was a gesture familiar enough for her, a small comfort she had grown used to with him. Lucifer shivered, leaning back into her touch as his eyes fell closed.

And then he froze.

Chloe rushed to pull her hand away, her cheeks burning up as she chided herself from falling into old habits. It had been too easy to forget for a second that she didn’t have the right to do this for him anymore. It had been easy to forget that she had broken that trust between them when she had walked away.

Despite whatever appearances and illusions Chloe tried to keep, the truth was that she hadn’t touched him – not properly, not the way she desired, and he craved, _deserved_ – since that morning, when she left him sleeping. They only had small, passing touches now. Fingers that brushed when he offered her a glass, or when she passed him the takeout.

It was strangely – _disturbingly_ – discomfiting, more so when Chloe remembered how used she had been to being consumed by his embrace whenever she walked in.

And it hurt, more than she cared to admit, when she arrived and still reached out to him, be it to kiss him or hug him. Or when Lucifer still looked at her like he used to before. It always left one of them rushing to stop themselves before doing something stupid, something they weren’t allowed to do anymore.

Always ending up leaving the other one feeling cold.

“What really happened?” Chloe asked, cleaning her throat when her voice wavered. She let out a sigh, forcing herself to send those thoughts away. They always left her mind muddled and her heart aching.

Lucifer scoffed, his eyes trapped by the whiskey in his glass for the longest second, before he visibly shook himself away from it and downed his drink.

“My brother decided to pay me a visit. He’s… _unhappy_ with my life choices. He’s decided into dragging me back to Hell, but I’m not going anywhere.”

“So, he beat you for saying no?” Chloe asked, even though she already knew the answer. It dreaded her to imagine the kind of family he had been raised around if that was how his brother reacted to a no.

The kind that had carved horrible scars into his back and denied him the love and care he deserved. The kind that beat him for trying to live his own life. _That_ kind of family, if you could even call it one.

“Please. It was hardly a beating.”

“Hardly- Have you _looked_ at yourself? Your home is wrecked. You have blood and bruises everywhere.” She couldn’t control the indignation that sneaked into her voice, and she regretted it immediately. Even if it spurred out of her fear for him, it had been the wrong thing to say in the moment. It made the dark look close in on Lucifer’s face, making him retreat back inside his walls. 

“Do you want to press charges?” Chloe asked because she had to, because deep down she hoped he would. Even if she knew there was no world where he would. 

“As if that would do anyone any good. The _law_ isn’t going to get him off my ass. It’s always been this way.”

“Doesn’t mean it should be.” Chloe said before she shifted closer to him, one hand carefully cupping his bruised cheek to turn his face so he would look at her. “Lucifer… this is _not_ okay. Your family shouldn’t hurt you like this.”

For a beautiful second, Lucifer stared back at her with the same vulnerability to his eyes as he used to before. Like he trusted her implicitly, even if she had done very little to deserve such pure trust.

But reality eventually caught up to them. Lucifer rose from the bench to get away from it, a scoff dripping bitterly from his lips as he walked to the bar to refill his drink with a stiffness to his step.

Chloe swallowed dry, feeling the weight of her statement pressing down on her chest, stronger than Earth’s gravity and her own guilt. She needed no reminder of his hurt, or how she had been the one to create this unsurmountable rift between them.

She didn’t need the reminder or the guilt because it hurt her, too. Every night when she went to sleep feeling cold, and every morning when she woke up alone.

The tears she had fought so hard to keep at bay came forth when Lucifer turned back around with pain so evident in his eyes.

“I know.” Chloe whispered into the dark, her voice as broken as her soul. She turned around, towards the city beyond so she could wipe the tears away and not have to face her mistakes.

She got up and started to clean up whatever she could, starting with pushing the armchairs back to their original places. It was a small thing she could do, and Chloe needed something to do where she wouldn’t have to think. She had almost made for the couch when she decided she wouldn’t be able to right that one on her own, and she knew Lucifer wouldn’t move a muscle to help in the moment.

At least the piano hadn’t been touched. Small miracles in the middle of all that mess. Chloe knew how much the instrument meant to him, how it allowed Lucifer to play his feelings away, especially the pesky ones he didn’t understand.

Getting a new piano up there had to be a nightmare.

Her eyes kept scanning the penthouse for something she could help him with next, but when they found the broken coffee table, Chloe had to take a second. She’d seen enough broken furniture on crime scenes to know that table had been broken by someone being thrown over it.

She couldn’t stop the image of Lucifer lying there from invading her mind, struggling to get up while his brother continued to assault him with bloodied knuckles and relentless blows. She’d seen the stiffness around his ribs, the careful hand he kept at his side.

She knew how cracked ribs felt like.

“What are you doing?” Lucifer asked, thankfully breaking her from her spiraling thoughts. His tone had been careful – his lean into the bar with a glass of scotch in hand being clue enough that he was forcing himself to play cool. But the guarded look in his eyes gave him away, like he was simply waiting for her to turn her back to him and leave again.

Or maybe hurt him, like his brother had. Like she had before.

“Helping you clean.” Chloe said matter-of-factly, turning away from him before her heart could betray her. “Where do you keep your brooms? You have brooms, right?” She asked instead, eyeing all the broken glass covering the floor like a dangerous starry sky.

“I told you I don’t want your _pity_.” Lucifer leered; his look dark as he watched her walk around.

“And I told you, it’s not pity.” She argued back, glad for the petulance in his voice for once. She’d take their playful banter over heartbreak and pain any day. “It’s not safe to be here right now. And, besides, we’re friends. Friends help each other.”

He let out a dark scoff, his eyes fixed on his drink as his smile turned wicked, and not in the way she had been used to. His gaze rose to meet hers, and it made a freezing chill run down her spine. Lucifer had never looked so much like his namesake as he did then.

“Is that what we are now? _Friends?_ ” He spat the word like it was some sort of poison, and Chloe tried not to feel hurt by that.

“We’ve always been friends.” Chloe offered in her best lighthearted tone, but it fell flat in the space between them, a space that looked more unsurmountable with every word.

She had never felt so far away from him before.

“So, you’re just going pretend we never happened, then? How’s that going for you?” Lucifer leered, his eyes as dark as the night sky.

But Chloe had come to know him enough by then to recognize it for what it was. He had never been good at hiding the hurt behind his gaze. And she knew the pain in his posture and the stiffness of his spine weren’t all from the fight with his brother. 

_‘Those pesky human emotions’_ , she could almost hear him complaining, while at the same time using his anger to hide from hurting even more.

“Lucifer…” Chloe tried, taking a small step forward that somehow managed to push him even further away from her.

Lucifer scoffed as he turned around, back to drowning in his drink.

“Don’t you have a soulmate you’d rather be with right now?” His voice was dark, and his tone low. She had expected him to pick a fight, and she had been prepared to deal with his temper. But she hadn’t expected to find resignation buried deep in his voice.

“Please, Lucifer. I don’t want to fight.” Chloe managed to say, her tiredness not so hidden from her tone as she had hoped it would be. She leaned back on the arm of one of the armchairs before raising her hands to rub at her temples. The pressure of the incoming headache she had been trying to fight back the entire day returned tenfold, and just wouldn’t let her go.

This hadn’t been how she’d hoped the night would go. She hadn’t come to the penthouse to fight – especially because all her hurt had been welling up as well, and she had finally found an outlet willing to fight back. Quite the opposite, she had gone there seeking the soothing grace of his company, and the calming multitude of the nightly city landscape.

It didn’t seem she would be getting any solace for her wounded soul. No pretending everything was okay, that her life hadn’t changed all of a sudden. 

There was no need to pretend she hadn’t traded the warmth of his company for cold nights alone and miserable anymore. The void she felt then was more final than anything else.

“Well, what if I want to? Hm?” Lucifer spat back, his tone loud and commanding in the wrecked space, the heat in his words burning like flames on her skin.

“Well, you don’t get to.” Chloe spat back. God knew she still had tried to control the burn in her words, but weeks of pent up anger and repressed feelings got carried away. Especially by the accusation so sharp in Lucifer’s eyes. “You don’t get to take off your anger at your brother on me.” She said, taking a menacing step forward, hand raised and pointing an accusing finger at him. 

It made the snarl curling his lip grow even darker.

“Don’t worry. I’ve got plenty of anger to go around.”

Chloe let out a humorless sigh, shaking her head at the situation they’d gotten themselves in. “Yeah, well. I can see that.” She sneered, her tone mostly controlled by then, but not her feelings. “I can also see you using it to run from your problems.” She said before she could think about the full implication of her words, and it made her flinch.

“Oh, I’m running now, is it?” Lucifer’s smile turned predatory on her, white teeth contrasting with dark eyes. “Must’ve learned from you.”

He let out a scoff when she didn’t reply immediately and turned around to go back to his scotch. He leaned back on the bar, with a hateful burn to his eyes as he lounged like nothing bothered him. 

He had probably been thinking that was it. He’d won some kind of sick game between them, pushing her until she exploded at him and burned whatever had remained between them.

Thinking back, it was probably what Lucifer had wanted all along, to push her so far into her anger to prove she hadn’t ever cared for him. To prove – to himself maybe – that no one could ever want to be with him just because they appreciated him.

He had been purposefully trying to break them, because maybe neither of them had deserved the good they did to each other.

But in that moment, all Chloe had been able to see was him defying her to fight back. And all she had thought was that maybe they hadn’t known each other as well as she’d thought they had.

“Do you really think I wanted some boring detective as my soulmate?” Chloe exploded, not finding it in herself to care about the implications in her words anymore. Weeks of repressing doubts and hiding her urges to just give up on the colors and run right back to him poured out of the cracks in her soul while past mistakes carved the knife even beeper inside her heart.

Seeing the hurt she felt so evident in him had made Chloe take pause, but she had already been too deep in her own feelings of remorse. There was no turning back then, and by the surprise in Lucifer’s eyes, she gathered he’d realized it, too.

He’d gotten what he wanted, and it wouldn’t be kind to any of them.

“Do you _think_ I wanted someone who couldn’t even be bothered to ask _for my name_ when we met? Someone who looks at me but doesn’t _see_ me? Who wants me for the looks alone? For the status?”

The laugh that spilled from her lips surprised even herself, so broken it sounded. Chloe turned around, her eyes back at losing themselves in the city beyond, as her arms wrapped tightly around herself in a poor attempt to warm her chilled bones.

“God, I’ve wished it was you instead.” She whispered into the night, like the wavering secret it was, until the prickling city lights were made no more than blurs by her tears. She took in a steadying breath, forcefully wiping away the tears that formed when she heard Lucifer take a careful step towards her. It had made her heart flutter, but she couldn’t allow this to drag on much longer.

The words would drown her if she decided to stop them then.

Chloe turned around with a newfound fake confidence, ready to put an end to their misery. She couldn’t continue to give him false hope.

She couldn’t give it to _herself_ either.

“I’ve wished you were the boring one. Just some delusional playboy, who drinks too much and parties too much, and is doing good in bed. It would’ve been easy to walk away from you then.” She said, feeling that pain inside her flaring back so openly in how Lucifer’s features transformed back into the dark gloom from before. 

If she could ever believe he was the Devil, this would be the moment.

“But you’re _not._ You’re-”

_-everything I’ve ever wanted and more._

Chloe cut herself off, feeling the words being trapped inside her by the lump in her throat, threatening to strangle the life out of her.

“Can’t you see that I’m hurting, too? But what did you want me to do, Lucifer?” Chloe pleaded, tears falling unbridled from her eyes. Her arms went to wrap tighter around herself. She’d never felt so cold in his presence before. “What was I supposed to do?”

Lucifer let out a huff, but the burn was directed mostly to himself, and it made her heart still for a beat. “You’re just like the others, aren’t you? And here I thought this time might’ve been differently. I should’ve known.” He said before turning back to his bar once again, defeat oozing from every line in his body.

The glass trembled in his grip the same way as words trembled as they left his lips, but it wasn’t enough to mitigate her own.

“No, you don’t get to put me on a pedestal and then take it out on me when I inevitably fall.” Chloe shook with the fear in her voice, the cold darkness it left in her. But it didn’t seem like he heard her at all. 

“My Family, my Mother… Maze. You only wanted me while I was useful, but now that you don’t need me, you’re throwing me away. Just like them.” Lucifer continued, turning to face her again, his eyes dark with a bottomless void.

“What- Lucifer, no. You’re my friend.” Chloe tried to cut that thought right there, because the implications of him seeing himself as no more than an _object_ to please someone else… it made her stomach churn, bile rising up her throat.

But he didn’t let her put an end to it.

“Even now, I still wait every night for you to show up. I’m still glad to see you _every bloody time_ , and I- I still hope you’ll-” Lucifer cut himself off, but the pain had been crystal clear in his tone. It reverberated around them with a fragile power, fitting so well in the dark night. 

When Chloe finally found the strength to meet his gaze, she wasn’t surprised to find his eyes wet with tears.

“Why- _why_ do you keep on showing up here? Why do you keep torturing me like this?” His hand clutched tight the fabric of his shirt right over his heart, his eyes glowing with desperation and despair.

The sight of him sure broke whatever had been left of her soul.

“Just because we’re not- You still matter to me. I still want you around because you’re important to me.” Chloe said, her voice wobbly as her eyes welled up again. “Somehow, you wormed your way into my life so deep that I can’t just cut you out without breaking myself in the process. You’re the only real friend that I have.”

Her words, somehow, seemed to have an opposite effect on him than what she had hoped. They turned his gaze cold, his shoulders stiff and face impassive. But every passing second, some emotion would flicker back, before he could fight them away, too quick for her to interpret.

“But, _please_.” Chloe tried one last time, feeling her heart pouring out of her with every word. “What else was I supposed to do?”

_“You were supposed to care!”_ Lucifer yelled into the dark, his voice booming with an otherworldly power. It made something change in him, something painful and dark that flickered in his face and made his eyes light up with flames in anger.

But it was all gone when she blinked.

Like every sane person, the first thing she thought of was that it had been just the lights. He had moved too fast when he’d stepped towards her. It had been just the bar lights contrasting with each other, making the shadows dance across his face.

But then, why did she feel so _heavy_? Why did her chest hurt like she was suffocating, why did she feel like she had just been doomed with the way the world was dragging her down? Why did she think she had seen unimaginable pain scarring her friend, with an otherworldly heat consuming – _fueling_ – his soul?

Why did she feel so cold and resigned when Lucifer was standing there, looking like Hell itself before her?

Lucifer.

_The Devil._

Right.

“Detective?” His voice wobbled around her title like never before as he took a step forward. 

Looking back, Chloe would come to regret how she quickly stepped back, struggling to breathe around the pressure and the fear constricting her lungs.

_“Chloe, please…”_ Lucifer openly pleaded, his words sounding choked, and she _couldn’t breathe_. “I- I mean you no harm, I promise. I would never do that to you; you have to know that. Please…” 

Why did he look so hurt? Why did he look so broken and torn apart, with the cracks in his heart bared for her to see?

Why did she feel like her guilt would swallow her whole?

“I…” Her voice wavered when she forced herself to speak. Her traitorous eyes found the elevator, and the ache in her chest only grew with the gesture.

But she couldn’t stay. _She couldn’t._ Not when-

Not when Lucifer looked so hurt and resigned and drowning. Lucifer, _the Devil_ , looking hurt beyond words, standing there with a shattered soul, barely hanging to the pieces of himself.

And she had done that. Chloe had caused all his pain. She had hurt her best friend.

_Guilty as charged._

Somehow, she found the strength – read: _cowardice_ – to walk away from him again. She didn’t dare breathe, not until the metal doors closed and took her away from the one person she had come to rely most in the world.

And even then, the guilt wouldn’t let her draw in air.

* * *

__

_**Mom** _

_Today_

_Mom: There’s nothing wrong with you, baby.  
Mom: Just give it time.  
Mom: I’m sure everything will work out.  
9:40PM_

* * *

__

_**Lucifer** _

_Today_

_Lucifer: Chloe please  
Lucifer: I just need to know you’re okay  
10:14PM_

_Lucifer: I understand if you don’t ever want to see me again  
Lucifer: I promise I’ll stay away  
Lucifer: just tell me you’re safe  
10:23PM_

_Lucifer: please  
10:40PM_

_Lucifer: Chloe?  
11:49PM_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR -  
> Chloe arrives at Lucifer's penthouse searching for comfort after a hard day at work, but finds it wrecked and Lucifer; injured while playing his piano. She pictures him as one of her murder victims and it shakes her, so she's determined to clean out his wounds. They talk as she does it and Lucifer tries to assure her he'll be fine, but she doesn't really believe him.  
> \- TL;DR
> 
> another bout of angst, but it was a needed one.


	11. I need you more than air when I'm not with you

When morning came, Chloe had still been in her bed, restless and wide awake. Her phone had been dancing in and out of her grip all night, its sharp light hurting the back of her eyes in the darkness.

She couldn’t stop thinking about what she had seen at the penthouse. How she’d seen Lucifer’s face transform into a scarred mess, his eyes lighting up in flames. It had sent her mind whirring with questions and doubts, and brought forth all the pain she had seen in his eyes.

Her thumb had been hovering over his contact ever since she’d laid in bed, her mind shifting between the dread that she still harbored inside her – her fear at what hearing his voice might do to her – and their message thread, filled with filthy jokes and terrible humor.

Chloe was afraid, of course she was. Finding out her best friend was indeed the Devil himself and not some slightly crazy club owner had caused more problems in her mind than solved.

It explained so much, but at the same time, it didn’t explain anything.

She had already known his family was messed up. The person who gave their son giant, painful scars, locked him away, and kicked him out when he talked back couldn’t exactly be right in their minds, could they?

But maybe his parents had just been cruel. She’d seen enough of that as a detective.

In the end, it was the thought that it was _God_ who had done such things, who had punished Lucifer instead of loving him, mistreated him so badly it had caused a hatred – both at himself and at his Father – she’d never seen alike before… that made her realize how screwed up humanity was as a whole.

Humanity, with capital H, because that was something she had to think about now.

Those terrifying thoughts aside, comparing the memories she had of Lucifer, soft, childlike, goofball Lucifer, with the _Devil_ , ruler of Hell, supposedly the creator of all evil, was something Chloe couldn’t wrap her head around.

It was all just too big a concept for her to understand. She couldn’t grasp how Heaven and Hell could be actual places – _out of the Earth_ – and that her friend had lived there, by himself, for most of his life.

Above all else, Chloe couldn’t imagine Lucifer all alone in the dark. He had always been bright, so full of energy and life and light… Thinking back now, it wasn’t so hard to understand his need for contact, or how he’d thrown himself headfirst into the playboy persona and the nightlife.

Being locked up in Hell since the beginning of time was sure to traumatize oneself beyond words.

Despite being an atheist herself, accepting the Devil was real – and her best friend for that matter – hadn’t been hard for Chloe at all. Mostly because she couldn’t grasp the entire picture of what it entailed. It was too big a concept for her to process in a logical way that had consequences on her daily life. And it wasn’t as if she suddenly had all the answers in the world, so her big, life altering questions were still left unanswered.

The one thing that she was still struggling – and fearful – to understand, though, was all the _guilt_ Lucifer had brought to light in her when he had changed. All this guilt of hers he’d forced her to acknowledge.

Hours later, it was still hard to breathe. Chloe still struggled with every gasp of air, and the feeling that it was never enough to fill her lungs. And every time she managed to close her eyes for more than a second, dreams – _nightmares_ – assaulted her mind.

The ones where all the world was colorful and bright and _happy_ … while Lucifer was left behind in shades of grey.

* * *

A sigh left her lips as Chloe raised her thumbs to press at her temples. That particular headache had been a constant pain in her ass for a couple weeks now, ever since what she’d dubbed ‘The Night’.

The night she had walked away from her best friend – _again_. The night his anger had gotten the best of him and drowned her in guilt.

At least now she could sleep at night. At least now, when the nightmares came, Chloe could trick her brain into being happy at seeing Lucifer, since it was the only way for her to see him anymore.

He always looked dashing in his signature black suit with a crispy white shirt. Just like he’d had the night they’d met at Lux. It was the end that got her waking up in a rush, a hoarse scream crawling its way out of her throat. It was the end that left Chloe feeling like her life had turned into a black and white horror movie, the kind that now kept her company at night instead of Lucifer.

It was when his skin melted away, when her guilt surged forward to consume her, that she startled awake with the horrors done to him forever imprinted in her mind.

“Hey, Chlo’. You okay?” Ella called for her, breaking her out of whatever stupor that particular line of thought always sent her into.

Chloe took in a deep breath, something that had been particularly hard ever since That Night. Her eyes fell back to the horrid crime scene photos covering the main table in the forensics lab, her latest headache causer. 

Meredith Hill, 39, killed by her own husband of thirteen colored years. Working as a homicide detective really made you give up on love sometimes.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Chloe rushed to answer, anything to take her mind away from the victim’s eyes, wide open and staring at the bottom of her soul. 

She swallowed, hard, before forcing herself to drop her phone. It hadn’t left her grip in days, not since That Night. Lucifer’s contact always staring right back at her, daring her to just _do_ something.

Seeing their perfectly _normal_ daily interactions always gave her the space she needed to just breathe for a second. But the desperation that had driven his last messages made the void inside her grow and grow when she reached them. It only made Chloe miss him more.

Sometimes, she’d catch herself about to dial him and just end this craving for his presence that was consuming her, but her mind always, _inevitably_ , caught up on the guilt. On that chest constricting grief that just wouldn’t let her breathe.

“Are you sure? Cause it’s the second time you’ve spaced out on me today.” Ella sounded suspicious, her big glasses reinforcing the power of her look.

Chloe _definitely_ wasn’t ready to talk about that particular subject.

_Heyy Ella… So, my former lover and best friend is actually the Devil. Funny thing, huh? Definitely did_ not _see that one coming…_

Yeah, definitely not ready.

“Sorry, it’s just…” Chloe sighed. She shouldn’t even be thinking about it, especially not at work when she had an active case to focus on. The victim’s dead eyes staring right back at her from the table seemed to follow her everywhere she went, judging her for not concentrating on finding her murderer.

“We’ve been getting some pretty grisly murders these last couple weeks, right?”

In all truth, despite having dived headfirst into work, Chloe couldn’t even remember most details of the murders she had solved these past two weeks. It had all been a haze of solving her cases to numb her brain to get through the day, to get her thoughts out of her own grief. Very little stuck with her afterwards.

Very little the wasn’t Lucifer’s absence at least. _That_ void followed her everywhere she went with a tight grip in her soul.

“About that tox screen I was telling you about. It came back positive… for… snake venom. Chloe? Hey, earth to Chloe?” Ella snapped her fingers in front of her eyes, bringing her back into the moment. “Are you sure you’re okay, Chlo’?” She looked concerned, and the puppy dog eyes were hard to resist.

“Yeah, just… I got a lot on my mind.” She sighed before sitting down on one of the benches. She hadn’t been sleeping properly, that much was obvious, but there was also this heaviness in her limbs that Chloe couldn’t shake away.

Ella was a great friend, she really was. A friend she hadn’t expected to make. In so many ways, she was what kept Chloe going, even in the middle of brutal crime scenes or when the murderers got away with technicalities. She was amazing, always there when Chloe needed, but Ella wasn’t the friend she needed to relax about work.

She was always so energetic and happy that sometimes it made Chloe feel like she couldn’t keep up with the cheerfulness. And Ella knew everyone in the station, so it wasn’t like it would be pleasant to complain about how Anderson always bumped into her in the hallway or how Garcia never refilled the coffee maker when she drank the last of it.

And Dan… while he had a better grasp of the pettiness of some people at the station being a detective himself, he always seemed… team everyone else. He’d immediately shut her down the second she started to mention something. He’d tell her that she was exaggerating because she couldn’t see _‘what a great guy Detective Jacobson really is’._

It was hard to let go and carry on some nights when Chloe couldn’t take all these little things that grated on her nerves out of her chest. Especially when the one person she had always been able to talk to was only one call away. 

Lucifer had always been maybe a bit too interested in whatever gossip she had to share. But it wasn’t like she could tell anyone the Devil was her best friend, either.

At least, not without seriously risking getting committed to a mental health institution. Which, when she thought about it now, wasn’t maybe such a bad thing, after all…

“Did something happen with Lucifer?” Ella asked, concern evident in her usually gleaming brown eyes.

“What? No, nothing happened. All good.” Chloe replied in one breath, rushing to get off the phone she’d been gripping like a lifeline all morning and carelessly dropping it on the table. “Why?”

“Because you’ve been staring at his contact for like ten minutes now.”

Chloe crossed her arms tightly around herself to keep her hands from grabbing the offending phone again.

“That fiber test we need to place the husband at the scene, it won’t come back in a few hours still. In case you want to… you know. Maybe reconsider those feelings we talked about?”

Ella left the lab with a knowing look, her suggestion hanging in the air. It only made Chloe worry, her heart suddenly picking up pace inside her chest. She reached for her phone with a slight tremble to her hands as her mind whirred with possibilities while still coming up empty about what she should do.

Should she call? Would it be weird to? Should she text instead? But what would she even say?

_Hey, Luce! So, you’re really the Devil, huh? Guess it’s not a good idea for me to keep hating your dad cause he’s… uh,_ God _and all that, right? Wanna go to church?_

Chloe let out a sigh. It was getting ridiculous; _she_ was being ridiculous. Talking to him had never been a problem before – except maybe after that time she got shot and cried on the phone. In fact, talking to Lucifer had always been exceptionally easy. There was just this alluring aura that he exuded that always set her at ease.

Maybe that was what she had to go back to, to their familiarity. To their normal. To the easy-going humor and the mindless messages late at night. The inappropriate texts during her work hours and the casualness that carried her through stakeouts.

While everything around them, _about_ them, supposedly changed, they didn’t have to. Their friendship – if Lucifer would still have her – would always still be the same, even if Chloe had somehow managed to walk away from him yet again. Something she still didn’t know how she’d found the cowardice to do.

So, in the end, she texted him a joke.

__

**Lucifer**

__

Today

__

_

You: what do you call an alligator in a vest?  
11:04AM

_

There was no denying how her heart was thundering inside her chest as she reconsidered her terrible, terrible text. An alligator in a vest? What was she even thinking?

But her doubts were all thrown out the window when her phone beeped back almost immediately with a reply.

_Lucifer: a terrible fashion choice  
11:04AM_

The smile that broke through on her face was one Chloe hadn’t permitted herself to have since That Night. For the first time in weeks, it felt like the sun had begun shining on her soul again and she could finally breathe. Like the guilt that had taken permanent residence in her chest had gotten just a little bit lighter.

__

You: an in vest gator  
11:04AM

__

_  
_

Chloe typed out a reply, all the while imagining the indignation taking over Lucifer’s face. Not long after, her phone was flooded with pictures of alligators wearing clothes, and she knew they could find a way to be alright again.

_Lucifer: see?  
Lucifer: terrible  
11:05AM_

_Lucifer: how do you even put clothes in one?  
11:06AM_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did promise things would work out in the end... i'm slowly making up for all the heartbreak XD
> 
> also, double chapters today! be sure to check out the next one!


	12. you won't see me cry, I'm hiding inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- CONTENT WARNING –  
> attempted sexual assault. it’s very much only attempted and a minor part of a messy situation, but it’s attempted sexual assault, nonetheless. it deals with victim blaming and feelings of powerlessness. if this could in any way be a trigger for you, i recommend skipping the whole thing. the story is divided into three scenes, and this happens in the first.
> 
> check end notes for a triggerless TL;DR if you feel safe knowing the basics of what happened in the skipping scene.

The sun was shining high, warm and bright like a typical California morning. For once, Chloe’s head was as clear as the sky. She felt light, no heavy guilt suffocating her or time sensitive murder driving her crazy, which was a rarity all on its own these days.

Her phone had beeped as she parked her cruise at the station garage, and she hadn’t even needed to check to see who that message was from. It got a smile to her lips as Chloe made her way inside, taking a sip of her latte and checking her texts. The simple things in life certainly made it all worthwhile.

__

_**Lucifer** _

_Today_

_Lucifer: orion’s belt implies the existence of orion’s trousers  
8:31AM_

Chloe let out a sigh, taking a second to digest Lucifer’s text. It wasn’t that she hadn’t come to expect such level of terrible jokes from him – at this point she wouldn’t be surprised by whatever else he threw her way – but it was all so… _surreal_ sometimes. Especially when she got caught up on the fact that she was texting with the Devil himself.

And he had a _terrible_ , pun-filled, corny sense of humor.

On the most part, at least, Chloe was just glad to have this back. To have some sort of normalcy back into her life, a normalcy that had been missing when Lucifer wasn’t there. But mostly, she was just glad she hadn’t ruined them without repair, _again_.

Her fingers flew over the screen as she walked into the precinct, typing away some random astronomical fact about the topic they had been discussing since the night before. Her distraction almost made her miss the looks thrown her way that morning, not that they were too different from the usual ones she received. Exposing police corruption apparently was still a big no-no in the precinct.

Judgement she had been used to – the police was still very much a big boys club, after all – but there was a leer behind men’s smiles that morning. A sort of propriety to her that she had never witnessed to such extent before. But Chloe didn’t have too long to ponder on it.

“ _Fuck, Chloe_. Why didn’t you tell me about this?” Dan hissed as he materialized in front of her, face bright red with a disconcerting mix of anger and embarrassment. His hand reached out to grip her wrist tighter than he had any right to, but not even Chloe’s hiss made him let go. “A head’s up would’ve been nice, you know. I had a right to know.” 

“What the heck, Dan!” She cried out, pulling her reddened wrist from his hold. She hid it behind her coffee, taking a hurried step away from him. He’d never given her reason to fear him before, but the glow in his eyes was almost accusatory. The type people had when they condemned without proof, when they felt righteous in their anger.

Chloe knew he was quick to conclusions, had seen him doing it enough on his cases. Never before had she expected to find herself on the receiving end of it.

_“What the hell were you thinking?!”_ Dan spat, spittle flying everywhere. He took a menacing step towards to her, towering above her and crowding into her space. But whatever intimidation he had been trying to infringe on her was lessened when his eyes flew around the room, defying yet unable to meet anyone else’s gaze.

Like he was mad at her for causing him shame.

“What? I don’t even know what you’re talking about, Dan. It’s too early for whatever the hell this is.” Chloe spat back before she sidestepped him and made her way down the stairs with purpose. She’d been having a pretty nice, _normal_ , morning so far, just her and her coffee and idly chatting with Lucifer.

But when she neared her desk, all the looks she had been getting made sense, and whatever chance she had had of getting her perfect morning back was thrown out of the window.

Because her desk had been turned into the picture of her nightmares.

One of the training dummies had been sat at her chair with a blonde wig barely attached to its head. Plastic boobs were hanging off of its body, poorly put on, while a picture of her was attached to its face. When Chloe looked around, she was met with posters from Hot Tub High School hanging on every wall, and pictures of her topless scene in the hands of every officer in the station.

Officers she _knew_ , officers she thought were her friends, officers she thought respected her.

Chloe placed her coffee on her desk before her shaking hands could drop it and give them the satisfaction of seeing her crumble. A powerlessness she had never felt before surrounded her as tears burned the back of her eyes, but Chloe wouldn’t let them fall.

She fisted her hands and turned back to look at Dan. He was shaking his head at her, disappointment shining in his eyes as his ears burned bright red. It made her sick, to realize that his anger was directed at _her_.

Not at the person who did this, who wanted to humiliate her in front of the entire precinct. Not at the officers who had joined in on the ‘fun’ without a care for someone else’s feelings.

Dan was angry at _her_ , because of course, in his own self-centered way of thinking, her public humiliation embarrassed him somehow. And it made her want to scream.

She wanted to yell at every single person there looking at her sideways, at every single man that had ever thought her movie gave them any rights over her. Chloe had wanted to scream and turn it around. Make them see the shame was all on them for betraying one of their own.

The humiliation, the constant downplaying, the sneers… it all made her _mad_.

_Brothers in blue her ass._

_“Yo, Decker!”_ Malcolm’s voice rang loud in the precinct as he made his way down the main stairway, whistles and catcalls at her following his every step. Similar to the dummy on her chair, he was wearing a pair of fake boobs and a blonde wig, followed by a similarly dressed Paolucci and his usual gang of machos.

Chloe closed her eyes and took in a deep breath in a last desperate attempt to keep her tears at bay.

In the back of her mind, she knew it had been Malcolm all along. She had been on the receiving end of his sick jokes more than enough times to recognize them. He’d had it out for her ever since she’d joined the force, but they’d gotten especially heartless after Chloe made detective. 

On most days, it was usually easy to face him down. Well, maybe easy wasn’t the right word for it, but compared to cold blooded criminals, it was _fine_. She could usually handle it. 

– even if every night when she got home Chloe secretly planned his murder in five different ways –

But in that particular morning, the propriety in his eyes made her want to vomit, and the hate he exuded had her most basic instincts yelling at her to run and hide, forever. 

Putting up a brave face was easy enough, though. She’d faced her fair share of sexism – especially during police academy where everything was designed to make women fail– and she had witnessed plenty of women in the force going through the same. But when she truly crumbled, when the constant harassment threatened to suffocate her, when Chloe finally allowed herself to fall apart… it was hard to get herself back together.

“Who knew you had such assets, huh?” Malcolm’s comment brought her out of her spiraling thoughts. The dark glint in his eyes was mirrored in the way his gang snickered back at her, the whole scene making Chloe feel repulsed. “Why don’t you take off that top of yours, eh? Let us check you out…”

The smile he cast her way looked almost disdainful, but it wasn’t exactly a surprise for her. What did surprise her was the way his buddies all shifted to surround her, backing her up against her desk.

It brought forth a primal panic inside her, a desperation that clawed up from her insides, demanding to be answered. She felt her breaths coming quicker, her heart picking up a pace inside her chest as everything in her yelled at her to just run, run- _run._

But she stayed still. Going against everything inside her, every instinct, every alarm – Chloe stayed still. She felt her lips curling up in a snarl, and it took all of her self-control not to do something harsh, like raise her gun at that stain of a human being. She knew it would only make things worse for herself. It would be her own word against half a dozen men’s.

She knew where she stood with most of the precinct to know the odds of not getting fired or suspended if she tried anything were decidedly _not_ in her favor.

Instead, Chloe forced herself to take deep breaths, willing her heart to slow down. With Dan backing her up, it would be less likely for Malcolm to try something, but one look at her supposedly soulmate, and all her securities were blown away.

Dan was just… standing there, frozen, his eyes downcast and face red in embarrassment.

Chloe swallowed dry. It was one thing for her to think that she had always been alone in this. It was another entirely to see it so clearly in the face of the one person that was supposed to have her back when she felt like falling apart.

“Danny boy here got lucky, huh?” Malcolm commented once he noticed her looking at Dan. Malcolm reached out and patted him on the shoulder, making Dan lose his balance for half a second. “I’m sure he’ll be more than willing to share, won’t you, Danny?”

For a brief second, Chloe felt her world standing still. She had been able to see with almost perfectly clarity the way Malcolm’s hand began to move, intending to reach for her breasts as if he had any right to touch her at all. 

She would’ve liked to say that she had been mad or surprised, but all Chloe had been able to think in that second was how she missed her perfect, calm morning. How her day had been going on so perfectly before she walked in…

She also would’ve liked to say she thought about what she did, but it had been mostly instinct. And anger, and hatred. Definitely no straight thinking of consequences.

Chloe grabbed Malcolm’s wrist before he could get anywhere near her and spun him around, pinning his hand so high up his back that even breathing made him flinch. Malcolm roared in pain as he struggled to get away from her, but her grip was tighter than steel.

“Chloe, what the hell!” Dan yelped as he took in the scene before pushing himself between them, making her let go of Malcolm in the process.

Chloe had wanted to yell at him, scold him at how he could be so passive. She had wanted to know why he couldn’t see she was the one that needed the backup there, that it definitely wasn’t the time for him to be team everyone else. That _she_ was his fucking _soulmate_ there, not Malcolm.

But she hadn’t had time to do so.

Malcolm turned around with fire in his eyes, his gaze focusing in on her before he started advancing. Chloe had been ready to defend herself, but she would’ve been lying if she said he hadn’t scared her. Even if only for a passing second, she had recognized pure hatred in Malcolm’s eyes, along with a total lack of self-control, and it made her tremble.

Despite being slow on the uptake, Dan noticed it as well and in the next second, he finally moved. It was a small thing, barely a step in front of her, but it gave Malcolm pause.

Of course, he’d only react to another man’s authority.

“Assaulting a police officer now? I always knew you were a fighter, Decker. I should arrest you for that. Though, I’m sure you’d love the cuffs.” Malcolm looked all too pleased with himself, spittle flying everywhere as he sneered, but all Chloe could feel was sick beyond herself.

Sick at how someone could descend so low not to care that she was a human being, too.

It was times like those that she wondered where exactly was the line that separated Malcolm from the criminals and the abusers they arrested every day.

“How can your life be so pathetic that you think it’s okay to do this to a person? You’re sick, Malcolm.” The words were out of her lips before Chloe could even process them, but she couldn’t bring herself to regret them.

Even if all they did was get a rise on Malcolm again. He charged ahead, all fire and hate, but for once Paolucci showed some conscience and stepped in to hold him back, even if he did so with surprise in his face.

“What the hell is going on here?!” Lieutenant Monroe’s voice rung loud through the precinct; the commotion having finally dragged her away from her office.

Her eyes drifted over the mess Malcolm had created and the officers cornering Chloe on her desk. The disgust and the disappointment were easy enough to spot, but when her eyes fell on Malcolm again, her hatred was almost palpable.

“Graham, my office, _now_. And you three, clean this mess, will you? This is a police precinct, people! Not your middle school, so act like it.” She commanded, and the general crowd at least had the decency to look chastised.

Chloe swallowed hard, but the lump in her throat was only made worse by the way Malcolm’s eyes remained on her as he made his way to the Lieutenant’s office. It made a chill run down her spine. The mere thought about what he might do to her next brought forth a dread and a sense of helplessness that had no place in a police precinct, in a _detective_ , for crying out loud.

She had training; she knew how to protect herself. She had to deal with far worse criminals on a daily basis… but it was the uncertainty of the wait that terrified her. Because she knew Malcolm would never stop now, not after she manhandled him in front of the entire precinct. And that was somehow worse than everything else.

“You okay, Chloe?” The Lieutenant asked, reaching out to touch her forearm. Olivia’s eyes looked understanding when they met hers, which was a novelty all on its own. The old officers in the precinct would have never respected her if she’d dared to show even the barest resemble of human emotion under any circumstance. 

Chloe finally allowed herself to sigh, her chest still heavy with the way her heart had been racing inside. The back of her eyes burned, and her breaths were too labored to try to pretend otherwise, but she wouldn’t allow herself to cry. Malcolm certainly didn’t deserve her tears, no matter how awfully close to them she was.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” Chloe lied, taking one last deep breath before forcing herself to smile. Malcolm picking on her wasn’t a new occurrence in any possible way, but Chloe knew that, this time, she’d break. Whenever she got a moment to herself to process this, she’d break. But that moment wasn’t then, so she held her head high, and it made Olivia smile at her in return. “I apologize for the scene, Lieutenant.”

“No, Chloe… It wasn’t your fault.” Olivia shared with a sigh of her own, looking entirely too tired as she glanced back to her office. “Honestly, he deserved it.”

They shared a relieved sigh which almost could’ve been a chuckle, before Olivia steeled her shoulders and marched back into her office to deal with the situation. She had always been a good friend, the authority in her corner whenever men started questioning Chloe’s rights to be at scenes or second guessing her decisions, but… in moments like these, Chloe didn’t envy her job at all.

She turned around with a heavy sigh and reached back to her coffee, not at all surprised to find it had gotten to bordering lukewarm by then. Not even small victories for her that morning it seemed…

And it was all made worse when Dan stepped back in front of her, somehow still managing to look pissed off at her.

“What now, Dan?” Chloe sighed. All she had wanted was a moment, _one_ morning where she could just enjoy her coffee as she read through a fresh case, text her friend when the job was getting to her… and finish her paperwork in time to go home a couple hours after the sun had set, _tops_.

But who was she kidding? At this point, she’d take _anything_ other than the staring and the tiredness. Not that it seemed to have fazed Dan at all.

“What the hell were you thinking, Chloe? Taking your top off like that for a movie?” Dan spat out, the condescension in his tone so thick it made her scoff. “Honestly, I’m disappointed in you.”

“I was 18, Dan!” Chloe rebutted, indignation flaring back up with a fire she hadn’t possessed in ages. “It was my choice, and I’m not ashamed of it.”

“Can’t you see how that reflects on you? On _me_? Everyone’s gonna make fun of me now.”

It had taken her time, a lot of time, but she didn’t regret it, not anymore. She’d had enough of those in the past but doing what she thought had been right for her was not it. Now, Chloe accepted it for the chapter of her life that it was, a chapter that had been important to her growth as a person, that had led her to where she was today.

People already gave her enough shit about it. Random people would look at her on the streets as if she owed them something, strangers at the supermarket would make passes at her as if one topless scene gave them any rights over her body. Victim’s families would insist she be taken off cases because once a b-rated actress, always a b-rated actress, as if every SoCal blonde was deemed to be stupid.

She most certainly would _not_ be tolerating this degrading of her life from Dan.

“This isn’t about you, Dan!” The words exploded out of her lips before Chloe could even begin to think about controlling her tone. It gathered the attention of several officers who were still milling around, waiting for the after show. “ _You_ weren’t the one who almost got assaulted here.” She shout-whispered at him, denial so striking in his features that she had to hold herself back before she slapped him in the middle of the precinct. 

The way he looked away from her stole the breath right out of her lungs as the cold dawn of realization struck her harder than a punch.

“You don’t even care, do you? You don’t care about me, only about how my actions reflect on you.” 

“What? Chloe, c’mon.”

Somehow, realizing that, hurt even more than Malcolm’s little ‘prank’. Because if not even her fricking _soulmate_ loved her for who she was…

Chloe let out a sigh as she closed her eyes, pressing her hands at the back of her neck. She wouldn’t allow herself to go there, she wouldn’t let her mind run rampant with her fears, not when… 

Not when a soulmate was everything she had been searching for her entire life. The one thing the world had all but promised her, had taught her to crave, to build her life around the certainty that someday, someone would love her fully, entirely for who she was. That someday she would be happy, and life wouldn’t hurt as much as it did.

But it wasn’t supposed to hurt like this. _Why did it hurt like this?_

“No, Dan. You could’ve done something. _Anything_. You could’ve supported me, stood by me, but no. Instead, you’re blaming me for something I did twelve years ago.” Chloe let it all out in a sigh, pressing her thumbs hard at her temples. A headache was the last thing she needed in that moment.

Whatever Dan had been about to say, whatever comeback or stupid remark, whatever attempt to undermine her or try to convince her that she was wrong or seeing things… that it couldn’t be his fault… it was cut off by the sound of Malcolm bursting out of the Lieutenant’s office. 

Chloe turned to the crooked detective to find his cold eyes staring at the bottom of her soul, menacing with every gesture before he marched out of the precinct with smoke coming out of his ears.

“Are you happy now, Chloe? Look at what you did…” Dan sighed, disappointment returning back to his eyes as he ran a hand through his hair.

“You know what? Yeah, I am, actually. Malcolm deserves whatever reprimand he just got.” She challenged back, all the past frustrations and disappointments – and heartaches – fueling her fire back into life.

At times like these… she couldn’t stop thinking – _questioning_ – about her compatibility with Dan, their _soulmate status_ , or whatever. Was it too much to ask for a relationship that didn’t drain her at every encounter? Where every difficulty didn’t turn into a reprimand from him?

Where she was accepted by who she was… no shame or setbacks? Where she wasn’t afraid to be herself? _Where she was loved for herself?_

“I swear, Chloe, it’s almost like you want being hated around here. Why can’t you just suck it up and keep your head down?”

For a numb, tiring second, she was stunned into silence. _Keep her head down?_ He had to be joking, because… if even after what he witnessed, Dan still blamed her for it… If he still thought Malcolm would ever let her be after today…

But when she looked into his eyes… it made her indignation take over her mind.

“Why can’t I-” Chloe sighed, physically unable to finish her sentence. She sighed, heavy, feeling her hands tightening into fists. It wasn’t even 9AM yet, and she was already drained. “Okay, you _really_ need to get your priorities straight, Dan. Do you really think what Malcolm did was _okay_?”

“What did you honestly think was going to happen when someone found out about that crap?!” It was his time to explode, and it only made him look more ridiculous with the way he started unsubtly checking the officers still milling around them, his ears back to red in embarrassment.

She wasn’t proud of her reaction, but in that moment, Chloe couldn’t contain her undignified laugh. 

_“Excuse me?”_ She asked back. Was it really too much to ask to be treated like a person these days? “You know what, you need to leave.” Chloe commanded before pointing him to his desk with a harsh tone.

“What? Chloe-” Dan tried to protest, but she’d had enough. Enough of his condescension and his self-righteousness and his impossibly high standards. Just _enough_.

“ _Now_ , Dan.” She said one last time before she turned her back to him. Chloe leaned into her desk; her palms flat on the surface as she heard his steps fade away.

She couldn’t even _begin_ to process everything that had just happened, and the last thing she needed was Dan’s pile of crap on top of that. All it did for her was awaken this… this… _rage_ inside her, this anger at _God_ of all people. Because it had to be His fault, didn’t it?

While Chloe didn’t believe it to the letter, Ella had said as much, hadn’t she? And Lucifer… she could only imagine his total aversion to soulmates would be – at least in some part – because his Father was the One responsible for them in the first place.

– Chloe knew him enough by now to know he’d hate anything of his Father’s just on principle –

And now looking at this… _messed up system_ God had created, it was no surprise how soulmates ended up screwing each other’s lives. The Guy had screwed up His own _son_ – beyond repair, probably. Unfortunately. 

If He hadn’t even been able to do right by His own family, what did that say of His creations? His system?

It had ended up pairing her with Dan, after all. _Dan_ , of all people, when she could’ve had-

And that was not to say about all the people that ruined themselves for the colors. All the toxic, selfish relationships out there, all the pain and misery that was justified because of a meager pop of color. 

The worst of all was knowing, recognizing that even if your life just crumbled to pieces around you, most people still wouldn’t leave. They’d rather break themselves, ruin everything they had ever built and just… accept being miserable, all to keep the colors.

And she was no different.

Her conflicting thoughts calmed down all at once, going from an all-encompassing cacophony into a drowned-out buzz that left her feeling like she had cotton stuffed in the ears of her mind, until all she could feel was numb. Chloe drained the last of her cold coffee without giving it a taste as she sat on her – now thankfully – clear desk.

Even when she made to get her phone and check the texts she knew were waiting for her, she couldn’t feel a thing. Realization really was a powerful thing, but what was she willing to do to fix it?

__

_**Lucifer** _

_Today_

_Lucifer: glad to see you’ve come to your senses  
Lucifer: no shame in bowing to my superiority  
Lucifer: at least on an astronomical level  
Lucifer: ;)  
Lucifer: anyhow  
Lucifer: what did the grape say when it was crushed?  
8:32AM_

_Lucifer: nothing  
Lucifer: it just let out a little wine  
8:37AM_

_Lucifer: Chloe?  
8:41AM_

Despite herself, the texts made her laugh. They stopped that void from consuming her mind into a downward spiral of torment. Of course, it was him. 

Lucifer had always been able to do that, to give her strength when she needed to face the world and harbor her when she needed to run away from it. And he always seemed to know when she needed it.

His texts allowed her a moment to recenter, for her heart to settle back into normal rhythm ever since she first walked inside that morning. His terrible humor had always provided her with a safe escape, a bubble all on its own for her to breathe for a second and forget about whatever horrendous crime had been chasing away her sleep.

It was one of the things about him she had always been grateful for. But she stopped herself short of drawing a comparison about Lucifer and Dan at that moment, because her _soulmate_ couldn’t even compare, and all that thought brought forth was a resurge of grief that constricted her chest. And it wasn’t fair, to neither one of them.

__

You: sorry  
You: something came up at the station  
You: but that joke was so bad I’m sure it’s a crime  
You: there’s got to be something about exasperating a police officer in a law book somewhere  
8:43AM

__

_  
_

The ‘typing’ popped up under Lucifer’s name just as a uni appeared out of nowhere and dropped a file at her desk, her eyes sympathetic despite their wordless exchange. At least the fresh case part of her regular morning she managed to get back.

Chloe quickly scanned the page before reaching for her keys to make her way to the scene. She knew, though, that no matter how time sensitive or consuming her case was, it wouldn’t stop Lucifer from texting again – and what a relief that knowledge was. 

Her phone beeped just as she was heading out, already making a plan about stopping at her go to coffee shop for another latte. She was determined to go get her perfect morning back. Even if she still couldn’t fix the soulmate mess that was her life, this little think she could do for herself. 

Starting small and all of that.

_Lucifer:_ 😈 😈 😈  
_8:44AM_

* * *

That plan of hers to retake her morning back? Yeah, it had definitely backfired.

Chloe sighed as she massaged her temples, hoping to shoo the headache away. It had been slowly building ever since she had arrived at her new crime scene, and what a mess that had been…

Two victims, an old couple, their house destroyed all around them. It had broken her heart, until evidence had started to point to it being the victims’ doing – a petty fight that had gotten them both killed by an even pettier accident – and from then on, her scene had turned into a legal nightmare.

Family lawyers and heirs had stormed the posh mansion where the bodies had been found, accusations being thrown around by the family while their parents laid dead just meters away. At least it hadn’t taken her long to get a story out of them. 

Victims had been high school sweethearts, _soulmates_ , but that apparently hated each other and didn’t even try to hide it. The things people did to keep their colors, honestly.

Even without the family there, battling for scraps when the bodies hadn’t even gotten cold, her case was set to be a nightmare. And the officers assisting there at the scene… Chloe had already expected them to know about what had happened in the precinct – gossip traveled fast in the department, after all.

But expecting it and _experiencing_ it were two very, _very_ different things.

Sneers and mocking glances had followed Chloe around as she worked, snickers whispered in the wind that she had done her best to ignore. In the end, it had worn her down all the same, and brought tears to her eyes when she hid in her car, ready to head back to the precinct to process the evidence.

Now, her case had hit a wall. She was waiting for test results that were sure to come back negative and only prove that her assessment of the scene had been correct – that petty anger and bitter resentment had killed two people who had hated each other for all of their lives. And all Chloe could do now was hope beyond hope she could convince the family of that, or that the Lieutenant could convince the family of that, before anyone could start to challenge her investigation and demand different results.

She’d been in the job long enough now to know money could buy pretty much anything it wanted.

The sneers had followed her back to the precinct, surrounding her as she filed paperwork, with officers purposefully bumping into her or talking about her behind her back close enough for her to hear all day long. Eventually, even she had had too much, and the rooftop had been her only escape.

It was still one of the few secret spots in the precinct no one seemed to know, or maybe it was just too out of hand for people to frequent. Chloe took in a deep, calming breath, glad to have at least one meager comfort in her day.

Before her, the sunset burned bright. Reds and oranges and golds intertwining and mingling, like they belonged together. The sight brought more pain to her heart than solace, like every other time she’d seen those colors together.

They brought memories of grey days, when the colors were just dreams and lived inside of her, more real than she had realized.

Lucifer invaded her mind, filling her senses until Chloe felt like she’d drown in him, in the emotions he had always made overflow inside her.

The reds and oranges always made her think of him… 

He’d always been bright in her eyes, _colorful_ , even when she had had no idea of what colors were. The warmth of his embrace had always been more welcoming than red, banishing the cold right out of her bones. The ever-present joy in his voice, his delight in life and everything around him, it had been more vivid than the oranges in the sky. 

That light that had always seemed to belong to him, that sparkled in his eyes and lit up his smile, it had been yellow, beaming like the midday sun and twice as bright.

And if she closed her eyes, Chloe could still be consumed by the fresh scent of his cologne, a mixture of sandalwood and pine, of mist and moss, and vanilla and rain… Lucifer had always smelled pure, _clean and alive_ … just like green. And like blue, like the calm tranquility of the ocean, as was the balm he stirred in her soul with his presence alone.

He’d even been indigo and violet – two colors she still couldn’t discern properly – but that had been there in his careful touch, in that creative spark that moved him forward, that guided his fingers over the piano to pull the most beautiful of symphonies. 

Chloe let out a heavy sigh, blinking back the burn in her eyes. She tried to swallow around the lump grief had formed in her throat – the grief of losing him that threatened to suffocate her at every passing second of every single day.

A pain that could be fixed if only she wasn’t such a coward, if Chloe could just pick up her phone and call him. Take back control of her destiny, stop accepting the crap life had dealt her and start acting on the feelings she had harbored inside her ever since day one.

The door on the far side protested as it was opened, and Chloe couldn’t stop the unbridled hope that surged inside her. The memory of Lucifer surrounded her like the rainbow she’d seen for the first time the week before, beautiful and bright and breathtaking. And always present, even when she hadn’t been able to see it for all it was.

But when she turned around to see Dan walking out of the door, she couldn’t help the disappointment that rose inside her, until all Chloe could feel was grey.

* * *

That night, Chloe laid awake. It was definitely way past the time she allowed herself to stay awake, especially when she had to work the next day. Especially when work the next day involved dealing with lawyers that had already turned her crime scene into literal hell.

But that night, she laid wake, her phone clutched in her hand, resting over her chest. She was a responsible adult. She should’ve gone to bed already. Working with little sleep, especially in the police force, was a recipe for disaster. But as her phone vibrated again, she forgot all of the very valid reasons her sane side tried to convince her to sleep.

__

_**Lucifer** _

_Today_

_Lucifer: why do bees have sticky hair?  
12:42AM_

Chloe stared at her phone screen, a stupid smile slowly stretching over her features. Yeah, that was the reason she was still up so late, and it was well worth it.

__

_You: uh  
You: bees don’t have hair  
You: I’m pretty sure?  
12:42AM_

_Lucifer: no  
Lucifer: it’s because they use honeycombs  
12:42AM_

Her smile turned into a grin as she exhaled through her nose in faint laughter. Chloe even rolled her eyes, even though there was no one there to see. He was so ridiculous sometimes that she couldn’t even put it into words.

Her gaze drifted to the alarm clock sitting ominously on her bedside table, the late hour screaming at her to go to sleep while her entire body fought back for just five more minutes to talk to him. In the end, the rational part of her mind conceded, and her fingers flew on the screen before she could even think about replying.

__

_You: …  
You: oh god  
You: that was terrible  
12:42AM_

_Lucifer: please detective  
Lucifer: no need to bring dear old Dad into this  
12:43AM

You: :p  
You: what did I do to end up with you  
12:43AM

Lucifer: I can’t quite believe your luck either  
Lucifer:_ 😈 😈 😈  
 _12:43AM_

_Lucifer: isn’t it past your bedtime already?  
12:44AM_

His message made her eyes rise back to her alarm clock, but Chloe quickly forced them away, typing back a snarky reply before she could think too much of it. Because if she kept looking at the display blaring the late hour at her, there’d be no way for her to deny how the numbers seemed to shine every time her phone vibrated. Almost as if they were illuminated with a glow of faint… _red._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR –  
> Malcolm – the bastard – spreads pictures of Chloe from her Hot Tub High School days around the precinct and harasses her. She stands up to him and fights back, manhandling him when he tries to touch her, and he gets pissed. All the while Dan’s by her side, submissive to Malcolm, and blaming her for it, as if Malcolm being a bully could ever be Chloe’s fault. He says she doesn’t think about how her actions affect him and that’s when Chloe notices that she’s alone. That Dan will always be team everyone else and will never back her up when she needs him. It’s when she decides that, if this powerlessness and constant judgement is what she gets for having a soulmate, maybe she doesn’t want to have one after all. She realizes she’s tired of breaking herself to fit someone who’ll never match her, no matter what the colors say. She starts to confront how messed up and broken the foundation of what soulmates turned into is, and recognizes her place in perpetuating some twisted version of what love is supposed to be. She sees how Lucifer keeps texting her throughout the whole mess, concerned for her, and this is the time she realizes she can’t keep on living like this. It’s Chloe’s first step into defying the system and the traditions and in finding her way back to Lucifer.  
> \- TL;DR
> 
> is this hope i'm seeing? at long last?


	13. when I see you baby

It was hard to notice at first, but as she stared at the blood pooling at her feet, it was hard to ignore. Because the blood and her victim and the world around her seemed almost… _bleaker_. And the puddle of despair that had given her more nightmares than she cared to count, didn’t look as red as it used to be before.

Chloe’s eyes rose to scan her fresh, new crime scene, all the officers from nightshift she didn’t know very much and the couple ones that had been pulled out of their beds like she had. But no one seemed to notice what she had.

Chloe suppressed a yawn as she forced her eyes away from the victim out of respect. Her recent late night texting with Lucifer had taken a whole new development, and their toll on her was one Chloe was happy to ignore. It was the one time they were both free of interruptions, even if it meant she now resigned herself to the bags growing under her eyes.

Maybe she was just tired, maybe it was just the bright lights that were getting to her with the way they hurt the back of her eyes. There had to be it, there was no other explanation; but when Chloe forced her eyes back to the victim – an aspiring young actor who had just scored a major role in an upcoming superhero movie – all she could see was a pale world.

Even the man’s hair, which she knew to be of a thick, rich brown same as his eyes had seemed of an almost ashen grey while his gaze had faded into oblivion.

Even the painful blue forensic lights at the scene were shining white that night.

She swallowed down the panic that threatened to surge inside her. It was neither the time nor the place, especially with a young man dead at her feet, but her mind’s command went unanswered by her heart. A faint tremble claimed her hands as her eyes drifted around the room, only to be met by pale grey walls and a faded eggshell color where amber used to burn warm.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket with the string of incoming texts, and for a second, everything came back to life again. The lights burned in their amber tinge, the blue in the police uniforms went back to its vibrant hue. The blood colored so deep and so red that it sent her mind back to the first time she saw it, back to another dead body that had shaken her sight.

Her heart began beating uncontrolled, painfully hammering against her ribcage until Chloe thought she might collapse. It brought forth an all-encompassing panic, terrifying to the point she struggled to draw breath. Until she felt trapped by her life, unable to escape no matter how hard she tried, like the living, beating heart struggling its way out of her chest.

Because this was it; this was what she’d been looking for. The goddamned evidence, the freaking sign that she wasn’t crazy. The surety that something was wrong, _deeply_ wrong with her.

She wasn’t crazy. She wasn’t ungrateful. She wasn’t-

She was right.

She was a fucking _detective_ , and she could put two and two together. She _had_ put two in two together. And she was _right_.

_Why did she have to be right this time?_

Why couldn’t she just be happy for herself for once? Why couldn’t she be glad for what she’d been given – practically handed on a colorful platter of all things? Why had she desired for more? Why had she _defied_? 

Why couldn’t she calm her heart?

“Hey, Chlo’. You alright?” Dan’s voice broke through her panicked mind, forcefully ripping her back to her body and the moment.

Chloe breathed in, and everything turned back into pale again.

“Yeah, of course.” She rasped out, her eyes briefly falling at the victim she was disappointing with her personal problems.

Somehow, Dan seemed to catch her subtle gesture, his eyes turning comprehensive as he reached out to place a hand on her forearm. She tried her best not to flinch.

“CSI just said they can’t get more info on the body until morning, so… Let me just check with the unis and then we can go.” He said before he turned to leave, and Chloe exhaled, relieved.

With one last look on the scene, she marched back to wait by the car, knowing she’d only be a disservice to the victim if she chose to investigate at the moment. She grabbed her phone as she went, fingers tapping at the screen to check her messages while she tried to ignore the way her heart skipped a beat – if it was from happiness or terror, in that moment she couldn’t tell – when the colors went back to life for a flickering instant.

__

_**Lucifer**_

_Today_

 _Lucifer: all I’m saying is that bones is an exquisite show  
Lucifer: you should watch it  
Lucifer: though I’m sure you’d manage to solve the crimes before they did  
01:11AM

You: your relationship with that show is not healthy  
01:15AM

Lucifer: oh please  
Lucifer: I’ll have you know I can stop talking about it at any time I please  
01:15AM_

_Lucifer: case in point  
Lucifer: have you heard about chameleons that can’t change colors?  
01:16AM_

_You: kinda defeats the purpose of being a chameleon doesn’t it  
01:16AM_

_Lucifer: hm  
Lucifer: I suppose you could say they have  
Lucifer: reptile dysfunction  
01:16AM_

For the first time since arriving at the crime scene that night, Chloe breathed. Truly breathed. She let a small, tentative smile stretch her features as she made the conscious decision to ignore the panic that surged back into life in her mind, or the soul crushing doubt that threatened to consume her soul at each passing second.

She allowed herself to breathe, even if only for a second, and ignore the colors that spurred back to life when Lucifer texted again.

* * *

His phone reluctantly returned to his jacket’s pocket before Lucifer forced himself to drop it on top of the piano and roll up his sleeves to prepare for his last set of the night. It was one he was reluctant to play, especially when he’d been so enthralled by his nightly chatter with the Detective, who he’d left hanging at the other end of that message thread.

But Lucifer couldn’t ignore his duties at the club anymore. Dad knew Maze had already given him enough crap for his _‘mood’_ after he’d scared the Detective away with his monstrous side and the hellish days that had followed.

At least now he had terrible jokes and nightly texting, and he finally felt like he could breathe again.

The lighting in the club shifted as the spotlights found him sitting on the piano bench, ready to start. Lucifer took one last breath as he let his eyes wonder to the bright bulbs in the dark ceiling, their resemblance to a star prickled sky uncanny. 

Lux had always been his desires come true. A little part of Earth Lucifer got to call his own, a safe haven for sin and desire and free will. A place filled with iniquity and passion, and detached from the boring, strict world outside its doors.

It was everything Lucifer had ever wished to create, and it was perfect, and beautiful and free. All the things he’d been with her.

His fingers slowly started to drift over the keys, discordant notes being pressed softly until harmonical music filled the air, his choice instinctual and deep, and straight from his soul. His voice enchanted the night air as his mind surrendered itself to dreams about his Detective, and the lights in the club regained their full, colorful life.

_I'm jealous of the rain  
That falls upon your skin  
It's closer than my hands have been  
Oh, I'm jealous of the rain_

For him, it hadn’t been at all as the humans described. For him, the colors hadn’t burst all of a sudden, they hadn’t exploded and shaken his world down to its core. They had been paralyzing and terrifying, just another unmistakable evidence that his Father still tried to control his life.

But every time he’d looked at Chloe, his fears took a backseat. They didn’t just magically disappear, nothing in Lucifer’s life was that simple, unfortunately, but her company made them bearable, made him feel like he was back in control of himself.

If she was a trap, a punishment somehow, a torture of some kind… if his Father had indeed had a hand in the Detective’s purpose, she was His masterpiece. The perfect trap, the perfect punishment, the perfect torture, because Lucifer never wanted to escape.

For him, the colors had started slowly enough, with hints here and there that built up as time passed. That tinged his day to day life in colorful hues whenever his mind wandered to her.

They had had him split apart by paralyzing fear and giddy want, torn between desiring and fearing the one thing that had once belonged to him so long ago now. He’d been scared of them, of what they meant, what they enabled. He’d been terrified of getting them back after millennia in the dark only to have it ripped out of his grasp again.

Until his fears had been proven true when Chloe had been ripped right out of his reach and he’d been forced to simply watch. But even then, the gold hadn’t completely left him behind.

It had stuck to him as a painful reminder of all he had lost, staring back at him in every drink, every sunset and sunrise, until he’d been foolish enough to let his anger and despair get the best of him and sent her away, terrified of his real visage.

But he’d been hurt. Having Chloe constantly around him, close enough to warm his heart with gold but never close enough for him to touch, never his to desire, never there as she had used to be. And whenever information about _Dan_ slipped by, it hurt, so bloody much, much more than Lucifer would ever admit to anyone.

In the end he’d lost control of his pain and had hurt her in return. All the kind and comforting she’d presented him with had been returned with panic and heartbreak. And she’d ran away, fully knowing the monster that he was.

_I'm jealous of the love  
Love that was in here  
Gone for someone else to share  
Oh, I'm jealous of the love_

To this day, Lucifer was still unable to describe the joy and the despair he’d felt when the gold had suddenly returned to coloring his whiskey, or the colorful high he got whenever his phone vibrated with incoming texts. 

It was ridiculous, the Lord of Hell himself resigned to a phone, sunk to his knees, waiting for a simple human to text him so he could feel alive again. But no angel or demon, not even his Father, would ever be able to take that memory away from him.

The knowledge that maybe he hadn’t ruined everything, hadn’t burned it all to the ground.

– that maybe he wasn’t the monster the world painted him as? –

_'Cause I wished you the best of  
All this world could give  
And I told you when you left me  
There's nothing to forgive  
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was  
Heartbreak and misery  
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way  
You're happy without me_

Movement on the crowd by his side caught Lucifer’s attention, but he was too lost in himself, too past the point to care. All he could feel was the deep loss that cut through his soul, the bone chilling cold that now occupied her side of the bed where his heart used to be.

Music had a way of stripping him bare, of speaking for his soul when words failed him, when not even he could understand himself. It consumed him whole and allowed him to be free even when he’d been shackled in Hell.

_As I sink in the sand  
Watch you slip through my hands  
Oh, as I die here another day, yeah  
'Cause all I do is cry behind this smile  
I wished you-_

An off-tune yell blared through the club as a man advanced through the unspoken ‘do-not-cross’ circle around his piano, something shiny in his grip. Something like a knife.

Lucifer sighed, resigned. No point in just ignoring the commotion now.

His eyes found his intruder’s in the low light, and that mere contact made the man flinch. Lucifer could smell the fear rolling out of him in waves from his place on the piano, he could feel the man’s hesitation from the flicker in his eyes. Nevertheless, his patrons all took hurried steps back along with a collective gasp.

“Evil is here. Evil is here! He’s the devil. _You’re the Devil!_ ” The scruffy looking man yelled in panic, briefly brandishing the knife towards the crowd, a cross risen high in his other hand. 

“Right. Would you mind waiting for a second, Mr. Stabbing Guy? I’m quite busy here.” Lucifer mocked, tired already by this interruption. He felt something cold settling inside himself, like his soul had been cut off in half, half of it comprehensible through music while the other still remained a mystery to him.

“Shut up, _shut up_! You’re evil! I’ll send you back to hell before you can hurt anyone else.” The man yelled as he rushed forward with a terrible impression of a battle cry.

Lucifer sighed. Was it too much to ask for just one quiet, normal night?

* * *

The city flew past her in pale blurs as Dan drove through downtown Los Angeles, with its high buildings clawing at the night sky. It was all of a faded grey, with its bright white lights and dark corners that threatened to suffocate her with flashes of that terrible, recurring dream of hers where the world was bright while Lucifer remained lost in grey.

The phone clutched in her hand was like an extension of the world beyond, silent and dead, and that brought forth a fear inside her Chloe would rather not acknowledge. Lucifer had had to step away for a minute, time for his last set of the night, so she’d wished him a good time – Chloe knew how much he enjoyed performing at his club. So, now she was struck waiting for him to finish his song, all the while trying to distract herself from her current… sight issues with a terrible joke about a coffee pot reporting a crime to the police she wanted to tell him.

She couldn’t wait for his reaction at that one – it was a pretty obvious joke, but Lucifer was terrible at figuring those out, and the photo reactions he always sent of himself made something grow light inside her. Only, it had already been about fifteen minutes since his set was supposed to have started, and he hadn’t replied yet.

But Chloe wasn’t worried, of course not. What a ridiculous idea. 

Obviously, something had come up at the club that required his attention. She could almost hear his affronted tone, _‘I do own a business, you know’. But_ , her mind whispered back to her, every other time something had happened at Lux, he’d let her know before leaving to deal with his next headache.

At least Chloe was pretty sure Lucifer hadn’t just retreated to bed without wishing her goodnight. It had sort of become a ritual for him, even when she was staying up for stakeouts, despite the crazy hours he pulled with owning a nightclub. He always took a second to wish her goodnight, even if she had already headed to bed herself.

Unless… he hadn’t headed to bed by himself.

The thought crossed her mind and Chloe swallowed dry around the bile that rose up her throat. She had no right to feel as she did, no right to feel as if her heart had suddenly given up on beating inside her. No right to feel as if the dark world beyond her windows had come crashing down on her, ready to swallow her whole.

She had no right, not when she was the one who pushed him away – not once, but _twice_ – when she’d been the one to reject him and hurt him so badly, Lucifer hadn’t been able to keep it inside.

Chloe didn’t get to be jealous or hurt because he’d chosen to carry on with his life, not when this heartache that had permanently taken residence inside her chest had been her own doing. Not when she’d left him so broken and torn apart that Lucifer hadn’t been able to piece himself back together with messy tape and terrible glue.

She didn’t get to feel any of this, like she still mattered like she’d had before, not after what she’d put Lucifer through. And especially not then, when Dan was sitting just by her side in the car.

But as the world stretched pale in front of her, Chloe willed her phone to buzz, to light up, to just do _something_ … to allow her to see life for what it truly was just one more colored time. And if he was with someone else, so be it. She wouldn’t give him false hope only to turn around and hurt him again in return.

But if Lucifer was alright, and by all miracles this wasn’t already too late…

Chloe’s eyes turned to find Dan, still, oblivious, just sitting there by her side, driving. And then the bile was back.

She felt sick at herself from even thinking about Lucifer as she had been when Dan was there right next to her. She wasn’t this person, had never been this person. She was disappointed in herself, for even allowing such thoughts to run through her mind.

But- was it really wrong of her to do so?

Was it so wrong to want better for herself when the alternative would be just carrying on and condemning herself to a life where she was miserable all the time?

It wasn’t as if Chloe would be completely ruining Dan’s life, but was it her sole choice to rip the colors from him for as long as he lived? 

Either way, the mere thought of going behind Dan’s back revolted her, making her stomach churn unpleasantly around the coffee she’d forced herself to chug to handle a sudden night case. But if they really were to be soulmates, Chloe couldn’t simply expect to keep this bottled up inside her forever, hoping it wouldn’t burst.

If they really were to be partners in everything, they ought to be able to discuss this the way they both deserved it. That much Chloe knew to be true.

But whatever last ramblings her mind had gotten into to plan for this particularly tiring conversation she and Dan were due were cut short when the police radio came back into life, shattering whatever illusions Chloe still clung to help herself fall asleep at night.

_“Copy, this is dispatch calling for a 417K in progress at 8358 Sunset Boulevard. Possible 217. All units in the area, please respond.”_

For a terrible, gut wrenching second, everything stopped. Her heart stopped, she swallowed dry, the blood inside her veins running colder than ice. Chloe gasped to draw breath, feeling the darkness of the city beyond invading her senses until she was drowning in the dark.

There had to be some mistake. Dispatch couldn’t be right, because 8358 Sunset Boulevard was… _Lux_.

Her hands moved before Chloe could even tell herself what to do. She latched onto the radio speaker, desperation making her voice tremble as she responded the call. “Dispatch, this is unit Nine-Three-Eight. We’re on our way.” Her response reverberated inside the small police cruise, the booming of her own words threatening to swill the apprehension inside her into panic.

It was uncalled for, of course. Lucifer was fine. He was the _Devil_ , for fucks sake. Of course, he was _fine_. And with the many patrons that were sure to fill his club on a Saturday night, it was probably not even him dispatch was calling about.

_“Copy, detectives. Proceed.”_ The static sound barely registered in her mind. All Chloe could process was how slow they were still moving and why there seemed to be no rush in Dan.

She turned around to face him only to find Dan looking at her with skeptical eyes, as if he thought her mad. From his posture alone, Chloe could tell he was about to make her night even more difficult with pointless questions and his condescension, like he knew what was best for her and she was incapable to discern.

_“Go.”_ Her voice sounded strangled as it left her lips, but she couldn’t let him just roll over her choices, not with this. Chloe focused her eyes straight ahead as Dan finally turned on the lights and siren, speeding up downtown towards West Hollywood, towards Lux.

It wasn’t him, Chloe told herself. It was _not_ him. It didn’t matter Lucifer hadn’t responded. She’d even forgive him for not calling her about a potentially dangerous situation when he had a habit of calling her for whatever triviality happened to him. It wouldn’t matter as long as he was okay. As long as he still breathed.

It made sense why he still hadn’t responded, Chloe rationalized. If one of his patrons had gotten into a fight and someone else had called the police, Lucifer would’ve had to deal with it personally. It didn’t matter that the situation was still ongoing.

What did matter were the codes dispatch had used. Remembering them made it painful for her heart to beat still inside her, nausea threatening to settle in her stomach, because… 417K meant person with knife, and 217….

_Assault with intent to kill._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what the coffee reported to the police you ask? well, a mugging, of course. just in case you were curious :p
> 
> the song Lucifer sings is Jealous by Labirinth. it was originally going to be Halo by Beyoncé, but i was listening to jealous as i was thinking of this scene and i just had to change it.


	14. my heart is in pain but I'm smiling for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- CONTENT WARNING -  
> mentions of blood

Sirens sounded almost imperceptibly in the distance, struggling to penetrate the packed club. At least to human ears. Inside Lux, Lucifer’s heart raced in expectation despite the situation he found himself in. It was foolish to hope it would be his Detective the sirens were announcing, that she’d be the one who would stride past Lux’s doors with her gun in hand and ready to save the day.

His heart fluttered at the mere thought, at every scrap of possibility, but his sane mind knew better. It was where his panic resided, the part of him that couldn’t ignore the obvious signs her absence sent. The fear he knew she had inside herself ever since she’d seen the monster. It screamed at his foolish heart to stop wanting. 

It hadn’t done him any good in the past… but hope was an insistent, beautiful thing that just would let his heart rest.

A shift in the light made Lucifer focus back on his assailant, one of those frauds that called themselves preachers and flocked outside his club. If there was one thing he hated, despised even, was liars. Especially the ones that preached what they didn’t believe. That preyed on the vulnerable and stripped them of their money while providing fake reassurances and pretending to be speaking for God.

This one had somehow managed to bypass his security and get close enough to try to stab him, the Devil himself, _with a kitchen knife._

Lucifer had cackled to the mock religious man’s face, picking at his terrible choice of a murder weapon. Which was probably how he’d gotten himself in that situation, with a lunatic trying to end his life and purge the Earth of all sin. 

Pointing out that killing him would be a sin all on its own hadn’t swayed the preacher at all – apparently committing one simple murder to rid the world of all others was justified somehow. Especially if your murder-ee was the Devil himself. 

Lucifer had considered for a moment too long simply letting the man stab him, merely to see the look on his assailant’s face when he remained up and about. Only when the knife was already coming his way did he remember about his brand knew suit – and how he probably shouldn’t out himself to all the humans who frequented his club. Amenadiel would probably keep following him, whining about it for the rest of the century if he ever did that.

But it was already too late. Lucifer only managed to get himself mostly out of the path of the knife, but there was nothing to be said about his side. The knife hit him just below his ribs, its serrated blade pulling the fabric of his brand new shirt until it tore. He felt the cold metal sliding along his skin, only this time it pierced it… and it hurt.

Deep _red_ blood bloomed from his side, staining the crispy white of his shirt as pain ripped a gasp right out of his throat.

His hand went to press on the wound, him needing to check for himself that it was real. When his palm came out red with blood that was definitely coming out of his body, Lucifer felt a spark of panic settle deep inside his soul.

He stared accusingly at the knife, at the shocked preacher that was staring dumbfounded back at him, but it was only regular human steel that stared right back at him.

Nothing demonic, nothing celestial. Nothing unusual, other than a human-ridden Devil.

Too shocked at this newfound development, Lucifer almost missed how his Detective strode in, gun drawn, cutting through the crowd with power. It was only a shame that _Dan_ walked in as well, following in her wake.

The gasp that left him then was nowhere near as pained as the one before. This one was born out of awe, by the way the colors graced Chloe’s features so beautifully that he couldn’t look at anywhere else. Her hair moved like liquid gold, gleaming as she strode through the main floor with confidence and manhandled his assailant into custody.

But then her eyes met his, and Lucifer forgot how to breathe. He was stricken by the depth of their blue, more powerful than the ocean, and clearer than the winter sky.

That one colorful dream he’d had of her had nothing on the real thing.

He only came back to himself when a couple paramedics pushed their way through the thinned crowd and filled his vision, cutting the Detective out of his eyesight. Lucifer tried to fight them as they pushed him to sit back on the piano bench, pressing bandages to his wound that made him hiss, but his eyes were desperate. He had to find her.

He hadn’t seen her in weeks, and now she was _right there_ , and he had to see her… to know she was alright and he hadn’t scared her out of her mind… but when he finally managed to bypass the medics, he found the club empty of her.

She wasn’t there.

She was gone, _again_. Swept out of his grasp like a summer breeze.

The sight forced Lucifer’s soul back into the moment, filling his mind with vertigo. He didn’t fight the medics again when they pushed him to sit or when they tore his shirt to reach his wound.

He didn’t feel the pressure or pain of the medicine or the pinches of the needle as they tried to stitch him back up and keep his blood from pouring out. All he felt was the artic numbness that lived inside of him now, where his heart had once resided.

Eventually, Lucifer managed to get his voice back to protest the medics tearing more of his expensive shirt, not that it wasn’t ruined already. He took to pestering them with shallow jokes and stubborn complaints, anything to distract his mind from the bleeding gash to his side that should’ve been impossible to happen, and the suddenly bleak world that now surrounded him, back to blacks and greys, with no more gold or striking blue.

Until it all brightened up to life again.

“You were just stabbed, and you _still_ can’t shut up?” Chloe’s voice drifted through the mostly empty club, her tone sparking up the hues in his vision until Lucifer was back at seeing stars.

He turned to her with awe back in his eyes as hope fluttered along with his treacherous heart. In the few instances he’d been able to experience blue, none had been as pure as her gaze.

“As you’re aware, Detective, I’m a _very_ cunning linguist. Why would anyone want to me shut up?” The comment slipped past his lips before Lucifer could think better of it, his tone deaf to the charm he was used to. But it made her blush nonetheless, and he smirked in return.

It was quite a sight to behold, watching the red raising up her cheeks in full colors. Its soft tinges so striking when compared to the sharp blue of her eyes. Definitely much better than he’d ever imagined.

“Yeah, you’re practically a gift to the world, huh?” 

The medics snickered along with her comment, but Lucifer was past caring, especially when she was this close to him. He hadn’t seen her in weeks but now she was _there_ , and he was very much having trouble focusing on anything past her at that point, past the red and the blue and the gold that came together to color her perfectly.

“How is he?” The Detective asked one of the medics, the one that had kept trying to lure him into one of the ambulances earlier. Lucifer still refused to look that one in the eye, lest it encouraged her to do so again.

For once, he wouldn’t even protest being talked about like he wasn’t there, not when the medics might try to take him away again when where he ever wanted to be at was right there, with her.

“Well, all things considered, it was a pretty clean cut.” The medic responded, taking off her gloves and closing her kit. “He was stabbed with a serrated kitchen knife, so the edges of the cut are irregular, which means I can’t do much on the field. Mr. Morningstar will need proper stiches at the hospital, but he’s refusing to go, so our work here is done.” 

“You’re what? Lucifer-” The Detective began, exasperated, before she ended with a sigh, one of her hands rising to rub at her forehead. Her eyes followed the medics as they made their way out, leaving only a couple police officers and some club goers still milling about in the bar. “Why exactly are you refusing care?” She asked again, her eyes focused on the bottom of his.

“Please, Detective. It’s not like I need it. I’m immortal, remember? Well, at least most of the time.” 

Lucifer regretted his off handed comment the moment it left his lips.

“Right.” Chloe said, her eyes blinking with mild panic.

The moment seemed to stretch on forever as he waited and waited, his heart sinking so deep inside himself not even the fluttering hope there could save him from drowning.

It had been clearer than the winter sky, the moment realization crashed over her. His words made the Detective flinch in front of him, her eyes widening as she took in a gasp.

Despite all the late-night texts and the terrible jokes, they’d never discussed this, _him_. They’d never discussed the _real_ him. The monster beneath. She’d never said a word about it, and he’d been more than happy to let it go.

So, it had been easy to forget she knew, but not only that. She’d _seen_.

All his previously overlooked Devil references carried a different meaning to her now that she couldn’t write them off as a little harmless lunacy. Now that she knew, she _knew_.

Lucifer swallowed dry around the lump in his throat, ready to witness, paralyzed, as she walked away from him again, and this time it would undeniably be his fault, entirely.

“I’d assume the bad guy’s been dealt with by now, Detective. I wouldn’t fault you for leaving.” His gaze found the floor as Lucifer folded into himself on the bench, trying to make himself as non-threatening as he possibly could. 

Every part of his being screamed at him in pain, his flight response so loud it was hard to ignore. But if every moment he could have with her now would be like this, stolen, fleetly seconds and a little bit of pain, Lucifer still wouldn’t miss his chance.

“What?” She asked back, startled, drawing his eyes back to hers. “No, Lucifer. It’s not that. I-” Chloe sighed, her hand reaching out to cup his jaw as she used to, thumb scratching at his scruff. “When I heard the call on the radio…” She cut herself off, shaking her head. He’d never seen such genuine emotion in her eyes, a strange mixture of panic and relief, that made them shine bright blue. 

He could drown in them if only she’d let him.

Lucifer flinched back into himself when he felt his heart fluttering along with her thumb, and he rushed to look away, before he lost himself too much in her, only to watch her inevitably leave him again.

Only this time, she didn’t pull away. Her steps brought her closer to him, and Chloe crowded his space, only concern shining in her eyes.

“I froze when I heard dispatch on the radio, and when I got here… There’s- there’s blood everywhere. _Your_ blood.” She said as her eyes fell to the bandage on his side, the tremor in her tone only noticeable to him. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

Lucifer’s sigh was a small thing, the hard edges easing away from his features. “Darling, have you ever known me to lie?” His tone was soft, meant for her ears alone, such a contrast to the striking club atmosphere around them.

Her eyes found his with perfect clarity in them, and a shy but true smile that lit up her soul.

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot, you know. About what you showed me. And… I don’t care that you’re the Devil. We’re friends, and I know you, the _real_ you. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that.”

A beat passed where Lucifer couldn’t breathe. He could barely comprehend the words leaving her lips, much less believe in them. They’d been everything he’d ever wanted to hear from her, every dream of his becoming real. But it was just too good to be true, so they _couldn’t_ be, not after what she’d seen. No one could accept a monster, no one would ever accept him.

“But you saw me. You saw my face, my _real_ face. You were terrified.” Lucifer countered, intent on seeing the cracks in her intentions. His voice trembled as he spoke his fears, a certainty that she had only been tricking him with those text messages, that she’d realize her mistake at approaching him again at any second now, and it would send her running away never to return again.

Maybe now she’d even try to kill him. If a knife had managed to cut through his skin, there was no telling what a well-aimed shot could do to his heart. 

“Oh, Lucifer. It wasn’t you.” The Detective said, and he forced himself to contain the snicker back at her words.

“ _‘It wasn’t you; it was me?’_ Bravo, Detective. Can’t say I’ve ever been on the other end of that one before.” Lucifer spat back, his empty tone echoing the void inside him. He turned around to down the drink that still sat atop the piano, his eyes downcast all the way.

Lucifer forced himself to see to logic, as his very reasonable fears battled to extinguish every last flicker of hope that had still insisted in fueling his heart. It had been foolish to think this could’ve gone any differently. He should’ve known better.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that-” The Detective tried again, her hand halfway raised to reach out to him before she stopped herself with a frustrated sigh.

“There’s no need to lie, darling. I know what I am.” A monster that had ruined another life, another innocent soul. Not even he had expected the bitterness that colored his tone.

“So do I.” The Detective’s voice sounded again, her tone as demanding as her presence had been while taking control of his assailant. “You’re my friend, Lucifer. You’re no monster. You didn’t suddenly change just because I know now. You’re still the same person you were before.”

Despite his better judgement, he let her command his eyes back to hers, drawn by the truth he could hear in her words. What waited for him was indescribable. The striking eyes, the uncertain look, the raw emotion… all so human, so perfect and yet so flawed.

“When you… shifted… I felt this _guilt_ that I had never felt before, and I thought I was gonna drown in it.” Chloe shared, a glint of raw fear lighting up her eyes that made him swallow dry. “I left that night because of me, because I was scared of what I felt. _Me_ , not you. I’m sorry I made you feel like it was the other way around.”

“Detective- Please, you mustn’t feel guilty about that.” Lucifer stuttered out, feeling a hollow darkness rising up inside his soul. 

Hell had reeked of misplaced guilt.

It fueled countless more loops than Lucifer ever dared to acknowledge, damning people that had no business being damned. Guilt, to a human soul in particular, was such a powerful thing, fragile like a bomb. Even Celestials knew not to mess with it.

The last thing Lucifer wanted was for his Chloe – the purest soul he’d ever touched upon – to inadvertently damn herself because of something that wasn’t her fault. Because of him.

Lucifer would never live it down if he dragged her to Hell.

“No, it’s- it’s okay now. I’m trying to deal with it, but sometimes it just sneaks up on me, you know?” She laughed a humorless laugh that bypassed all the fear her initial confession had stirred in him, until Lucifer believed she had it handled. If there was one person that could recognize and fight off their own guilt, it would be her. “I’m sorry, Lucifer. I know I don’t deserve it, not after how much I hurt you, but can you forgive me?”

Her words stole the breath right out of his lips and ignited back that spark of hope he had so thoroughly tried to extinguish. They made Lucifer allow his soul to believe.

“Detective, you’ve done nothing wrong, I assure you. If it was me in your place, I’m not sure I would’ve handled it as well as you have.” He pressed one more time, for his own peace of mind. He wanted to make sure Chloe would never even come across Hell’s gates, but it didn’t seem like his words affected her at all. “Darling, you’re here now. How could I ever ask for more?”

“You _should_ ask for more. You deserve more, and I’ve been a terrible friend to you.” She said, confidently raising her hand to cup his cheek again. The care and the determination he found in her eyes were so familiar to him that it took a second for Lucifer to remember nothing about them was familiar anymore.

His heart had no place skipping beats like that anymore.

“Detective-” He tried to deny, but she beat him to it.

“I have, you know I have.” She pressed again, a regretful sigh escaping her lips. Lucifer was far too familiar with her to know the Detective was just as stubborn as he was, and very little managed to sway her mind once she made a decision. 

So, he chose to focus on the things he could now try to comprehend, like this new lightness in his chest that brought tears to his eyes. He’d never felt so overwhelmingly in peace by simple words in his life.

“I’ve never had a friend before.” His voice stuttered, heavy with tears and vulnerable like he never allowed himself to be anymore.

It shook him down to his core, the open care in her eyes, the preciousness in her delicate touch. The purity of what she was so freely and willingly offering to him of all devils.

“Well, you have me now.” Her admission made his breath hitch, and it made something overwhelmingly warm grow inside him. “And I promise you, I’ll do my best to never hurt you like that ever again.”

He’d never felt so vulnerable and so bright before, like stars were forming in his heart. “Thank you.” Lucifer’s voice dragged with how deep it sounded, heavy and broken.

Chloe’s only response was to pull him to his feet before wrapping her arms around his waist, until all Lucifer felt was peace. His own arms coming to wrap around her a second later, the feeling of undoubtedly having her back overwhelming him with joy.

“I missed you.” She whispered into his chest before she forced herself to pull away with conscious eyes to the police officers that still milled about.

“As have I.” Lucifer whispered back, letting his hands run down her arms as he let her go, knowing she wouldn’t be running away from him this time. His fingers got messily caught on hers for a second that seemed to stretch on forever and made him smile like never before.

“But if we’re really to be friends now, you _need_ to work on your jokes.”

“ _Excuse me?_ I’ll have you know my jokes are remarkable.” Lucifer said back, affronted, as he raised one of his hands to cover his heart in mock offence. It brought a smile to her features that shone brighter than the sun. “I could tell you one about a pizza right now, but I’ll warn you, it’s a bit cheesy.”

She snorted, and to him, the world just got that much brighter. A sappy grin took over his features, an outlet for the joy he could no longer keep inside himself. Even after he’d showed her, when he believed he’d ruined yet another soul, hope hadn’t abandoned him completely.

What a dangerously beautiful thing it was.

Unfortunately for his fluttering heart, all good things came to an end, and as his luck had it, this time it was in the form of a fuming douche hell bent on being jealous.

“What the hell is going on here?” The brute Lucifer unfortunately suspected to be _Dan_ forced his way between him and the Detective, shoving them apart. Red consumed his face, but the color wasn’t anywhere near as nice or fitting like it had been when it’d filled Chloe’s cheeks.

“Dan…” The Detective began, a tiredness creeping into her tone as she tried to push the man back that made something uncomfortable shift in him.

The mere confirmation of the bloody sod’s identity made something drop inside Lucifer, all the happy, fluttery joy he’d known a second ago now gone. His eyes scanned _Dan_ up and down, and he wasn’t impressed with what he found.

He could see the choir boy stance the Detective had mentioned, blue eyes that didn’t even compare to hers, and a fine physique for someone who ate as many puddings as he knew Daniel did. But he couldn’t deny the other detective was handsome.

If he wasn’t already so taken with the other half of that soul pair, Lucifer wouldn’t be so against doing him on a boring day. Which was somehow even worse.

“Oh, so this is Daniel, eh? You were quite right, darling. He is short.” He commented with an all too pleased smirk for getting such an easy reaction out of the douche. Small wins and all of that.

“Dan! What the heck are you doing?” The Detective pushed the douche back once again, stepping in between them as he tried to advance on Lucifer. The authority in her tone brought a bitterness to his mind, but unlike his Father, Chloe hadn’t ripped the choices out of his soul. She’d always been so good in taking control that, for a while, he’d been glad to offer her all of him.

“I don’t know what your game here is, dude, but Chloe’s _my_ soulmate, so back the hell off.” _Dan_ barked, until Lucifer could almost see foam at the corners of his lips.

The Douche’s words made something strange tighten up inside him, something urgent that had ripped him right out of his daydreams and into the painful reality.

The last thing Lucifer needed was more confirmation that he’d been left behind, unworthy of the only grace he’d ever cared for in his life.

“Okay, you need to stop whatever _this_ is right now. He’s my _friend_ , Dan!” The Detective bit back in indignation, and he should’ve stood his ground with the douche, but the only thing Lucifer could focus on was the one word.

That one word that made his heart flutter inside his chest, making something warm and fuzzy settle on his stomach. Something happy Lucifer hadn’t felt in eons. 

But the snicker that left the Douche’s lips somehow managed to shatter whatever certainty he’d had in it. Lucifer wanted to scold himself for being so easily affected, but in the end, it was easy to return to the Devil he was, to the old behavior he’d been so used to.

“Not the brightest in the bunch, is he?” He didn’t stop the comment from dripping past his lips, his hurt taking over whatever fear he had that Chloe would scold him later for making her night that much harder. “But then again, I did tell you he was a douche.”

“You’ve got some balls on you, pal.” Dan bit back, puffing his chest and resting his hand by his gun. The unsubtle gesture only made Lucifer snicker. 

“Oh, thank you. But they’re quite average, really.” He commented with a smirk, choosing to sit back at the piano bench like it was his hellish throne. Despite Dan’s valiant bravado, it was clear to Lucfier how the man had sensed something otherworldly coming from him. An undeniable sense of wrongness and fear at facing a large predator.

Lucifer was pleasantly surprised when his offhanded comment made Chloe snort, a small thing that she rushed to hide behind a cough, but that he’d caught on, nonetheless. He snickered once reality knocked over the Douche, making him fume.

“You slept with this idiot?!” _Dan_ snapped.

“Okay, I’m stopping you right there. I already told you Lucifer and I are friends.” The Detective stepped in again, her commanding tone making his heart skip a beat.

“Besties, if I do say so myself.” Lucifer added. He couldn’t stop himself from taunting _Dan_ again or flashing his new friendship with the Detective at every passing soul.

“You better watch your tongue, pal.” _Dan_ tried to shift, puffing up his chest in a particularly bad attempt to intimidate him. Which would’ve worked, had it not been the Devil he was facing off.

“Oh, no need to worry. I’m _very_ thorough with it.”

“ _Okay_ , we’re we done here.” The Detective declared with a finality to her tone that both of them recognized. A finality that made him smirk, smug at having won whatever pissing contest this confrontation had been. “Go, Dan. I’ll meet you at the car.”

The Douche’s eyes lingered on him with a hatred Lucifer was all too familiar with. He smiled and did a little finger wave as he watched the idiot leave his club, infinitely pleased at the outcome, even if it left him with a sour taste in his mouth.

The Detective turned to him only a second later, her eyes alight with a look Lucifer suspected she reserved for her criminals alone. It made him feel properly chastised at first, but whatever reprimand she seemed fit to send his way was entirely inferior to the relief he felt at the moment. Relief at not having to see her very real soulmate so up in his face, and being unable to ignore the bitter reality he now found himself in.

Relief at getting just a tidbit of his power back, even if it came from chasing _Dan_ out of his club with petty remarks.

“Did you really have to torment him like that?” The Detective asked, but there was no burn to her words. They made a shit eating grin split across his face, Lucifer being far too pleased with the outcome himself that she ended up smiling as well.

“I mean, it wasn’t all me, darling. Don’t think I missed just how _not_ average you think my balls are.” 

An officer walked past them just as the comment left his lips, diverging their focus from whatever police matter it was and into Chloe who blushed like a bride. Her startled eyes found the ground as red rose up her cheeks, getting a soft huff out of him.

Witnessing the real thing was far superior than whatever dreamlike memory Lucifer had of her, where he pretended the red took over the grey. His grin turned admiring as he watched her trying to hide herself from the world, his smile only serving to make the red burn brighter.

“What?” Chloe asked, her shyness so contrasting to the commanding way she had controlled the scene earlier that it trapped his gaze.

“I- You look lovely when you blush, is all. It really does bring out the blue in your eyes.” 

A beat passed where nothing happened, and then it all came crashing down on him.

He hadn’t meant to let it slip, but even then, Lucifer couldn’t bring himself to regret the thought. He had just been so lost in the vastness of her gaze, far away from the cruel world that had stabbed and bled him and taken her away…

But when the shock filled her eyes, when denial and fear crossed her face, when Chloe processed his words – that _blue_ he’d confessed – and they misted the safe haven he’d found in her gaze… Lucifer wished he’d just kept quiet.

_“…what?”_ Her voice was small in the vastness of the club, numb and brittle and broken. Like his heart.

_He should’ve just kept quiet…_

It was fitting at least. All the things in his life he’d ruined by talking too much, asking too much, wanting too much. And this fall, his third, hurt as much as the first.

“I- uh… I have to go…” Her words stuttered as she blinked, her uncertain eyes finding his with a tinge of fear back in them.

Lucifer shone her one last smile, nodding almost imperceptibly before he forced himself to watch her go. The Detective stumbled on her steps, trembling hands reaching out to support her up the stairs, but it didn’t stop her.

He was rooted to the spot by the weight of his numb soul. His shoulders slumped, but his head was held high as Lucifer forced himself to watch her leave him for what felt like the final time.

Defeat surrounded him heavy and his heart left with her, tethered to the tips of her fingers – at first for safekeeping, now because it was hers.

Her hair still shimmered like pure gold as she walked away without looking back. It still stole the breath right out of his lungs, but the light that fluttered into sparks inside him now only left pain behind.

For the first time, Lucifer felt like she’d truly slipped from his grasp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;-; 


	15. can I get to your soul?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- CONTENT WARNING -  
> this may cause sudden bursts of happiness and uncontrolled hope. proceed with caution XD

Autopilot took her to the car that night. Her mind had stayed behind at the club somewhere, lost, incapable of processing anything past that sentence, that one _word_. Anything past the pained acceptance in Lucifer’s face as he watched her leave him again.

His words swam in her head, drifting all over the place in a cacophony of feelings so loud that Chloe could barely breathe.

_‘It really does bring out the blue in your eyes…’_

The _blue_ in her eyes.

The blue that he could see now.

It was already too late… because if Lucifer could see colors, too, it had to mean he’d found his soulmate, right? A soulmate that wasn’t her.

Chloe had no idea why the mere possibility made her feel so sick, why the thought alone left her mouth tasting bitter with regret. She didn’t get to be jealous, not after being the one that had ended it between them, that had left him for someone else.

Someone who now sat beside her in the cramped police cruise and symbolized a choice she couldn’t help but regret.

But Lucifer and her… she couldn’t stop thinking about how their timing had been so poor, one always missing the other by a matter of seconds and minutes and hours.

When Chloe thought about him now, his face was clear in her mind. Her desperation at arriving only to find him being held at knifepoint had almost made her miss how the colors painted him so skillfully.

She had almost expected to find him still grey like she’d left him, like the version of him that lived in her nightmares. The ones that were bright like the world really was, filled with awe and dread from the first time she’d seen it for what it really was, while Lucifer stayed behind, all black and white and _alone_.

It was the moments when her dream eyes found his, a pained, distant smile in his features, that startled her awake. That made her gasp for air, struggling to draw breath around the immense pressure in her chest, an absence that threatened to suffocate her whenever she was reminded of her solitude.

Seeing Lucifer all painted up and bright… it was something else.

He’d been breathtaking in grey in a way no one else could be. Sharp shadows that highlighted the strong angles of his face, the darkness of his scruff contrasting perfectly with his pale skin. His eyes dark and meaningful, his posture straight and his presence commanding.

Grey made him look sharp and powerful, demanding and otherworldly. Like the charming Devil he claimed to be, a danger all on its own, so sweet and sinful that it consumed you.

But in colors… he was _beautiful_.

His skin had remained as pure as before, but his eyes had taken another depth entirely. They were of a rich chocolate brown like his hair, so round and expressive that she hadn’t even noticed how consumed by them she’d been until it was too late. 

Unlike the grey, the colors gave him a human depth. They softened his sharp edges and made him powerful and intense in a way Chloe had never thought possible. In a beautiful sort of reverence that made it easy for her to see him for the Angel he’d once been.

The bright lights in the otherwise darkened club had felt almost as an extension of his soul. They shone upon him, bathing Lucifer in gold. The sight of him in a light that was so thoroughly _his_ lit up something in her, something only he had been able to touch upon. There was something bright about him that she couldn’t deny, that shone in the dark as much as it ruled the light.

She had seen it in the way he almost glowed when his eyes found her, the relief and the dread that fought for dominance in his features, much like they’d done in hers.

But it had been the _bright red_ blood, _Lucifer’s_ blood, that had invaded her mind, that had shown her the world wasn’t so bleak anymore. That it was back to being just as it had been the first time the colors had come to her, like she’d always dreamed it could be with him.

That was maybe why it hurt so much, why she could only feel a void filling the space her soul used to occupy. He hadn’t told her he’d found his soulmate. All their nightly chats and never a word, never a slip that revealed more than he’d intended to. They’d given her hope that maybe he’d stayed the same when she wasn’t there, that maybe she still had a chance.

Hope that now had come crashing down inside her.

The heartening part of her mind still screamed at her that maybe Lucifer was just like her. He was the reason she could see colors so bright, of that Chloe was sure. So, maybe – just _maybe_ – she could do it for him, too?

They weren’t soulmates, and they definitely hadn’t been meant to be, but could they choose to be?

Almost as an answer to her question, her phone buzzed into life, bringing color to the dark, bleak world that confined her.

__

_**Lucifer**_

__

Today

 __

 _Lucifer: Detective?  
Lucifer: please  
02:31AM_

_Lucifer: I only wish to know you’re alright  
02:32AM_

Dan snickered by her side on the driver’s seat before she could reply, and the sound drained all of her colors along with it.

“What know, Dan?” Chloe asked with a sigh, trying to massage away the incoming pressure headache in the temples.

Her night had been long enough already. Being pulled out of bed in the middle of the night for a case that hadn’t needed her present at the scene so early not even the forensics had had time to do their initial analysis was already bad enough. She hadn’t accounted for Dan’s mood, too.

They’d been on rocky ground ever since Malcolm’s little stunt at the precinct a couple days before. But ever since his little standoff with Lucifer at Lux only a few minutes ago, it was like she couldn’t breathe through all the anger that surrounded him. Stuck inside that very tight police cruise as Dan drove her home, Chloe was almost desperate enough to open the door and jump out in the middle of the road. 

Anything that would take her away from that particular conversation she could feel brewing up in Dan’s eyes.

“You cheating on me?” He eventually gritted out; his temper barely controlled in the dark night.

“I already told you, Lucifer and I are _friends_ , okay? And I would _never_ do that to you or to anyone else.” Chloe had felt the fury rising into life inside her, the indignation that she couldn’t put into words, but she was entirely too tired to pick another fight. She swallowed it all inside, all the pain and the resentment. 

She loathed to say she’d grown used to doing it, but she’d be lying if she said it was the first time she’d decidedly ignored what bothered her to keep from fighting further.

Chloe leaned back on her seat and closed her eyes, thoroughly exhausted. She’d much rather grab the phone she felt buzzing with texts than keep dying this slow death of her wants. At least she knew she could drown herself in the sweet relief she knew Lucifer would provide her, no questions asked.

Whatever the oddness that separated them – which she regreted do admit had been more and more common ever since Dan had barged into her life – they always managed to put that aside, even if only for a moment. Lucifer could put whatever petty argument they were having and be willing to make the effort.

Sometimes with Dan, it felt like he didn’t even try because they were already soulmates, and somehow, in his eyes, that meant she could never be upset with him.

“You _just_ said you slept with him. What am I supposed to think?” Dan fired back, his eyes glowing with righteous fury.

It made Chloe sigh, entirely too tired to be having this conversation at this time in the morning. She could feel her temper running thin, and the last thing they both needed was getting worked up to the point it blinded them to the other’s words.

“You’re supposed to trust me.” Chloe pointed out, as if it were a secret, not the basic ground of every healthy relationship. “Yes, I did sleep with him before, but we stopped when I met you.”

“And you’re _just_ friends now, is that it?” Dan mocked, his tone dripping with condescension.

“Yes! Are you telling me you haven’t slept with anyone before me?” Chloe argued back, but he, once again, dismissed it with a snicker and a roll of his eyes. She had tried not to yell, to make the effort, walk the extra mile to keep this peaceful, but her efforts seemed futile. There was no other way they could end this but yelling at each other. “Yeah, thought so.” She half whispered, half disdained, rolling her eyes as she looked out the window.

Chloe was done with how his impossible standards only seemed applicable to her, how every thought that deviated from what he believed was immediately flagged as wrong.

She reached for her phone in defiance, daring him to try to belittle her again as the silence settled between them like a living thing.

_Lucifer: I understand if you don’t wish to talk to me  
Lucifer: but I’ve worked on my jokes like you said  
Lucifer: so we could be friends  
02:34 AM_

_Lucifer: what do you call a pile of cats?  
02:35AM_

_Lucifer: a meowtain  
02:38AM_

Chloe stared at her screen in disbelief as her heart constricted inside her chest. She’d known Lucifer was prone to take her words at face value but seeing evidence of it so clearly in front of her hurt more than she realized. For a person who hid behind such a well-crafted playboy persona, his insecurities really came crashing down hard.

He’d let her see them before, had let her in past the shallow person he presented to the world, and it brought forth a protectiveness in her that Chloe had no business feeling so strongly about anymore.

“Are you seriously texting him right now?” Dan miffed, the snarl curling his lip entirely unpleasant.

Chloe sighed, tired to her bones.

“This isn’t working.” She whispered. Saying the words out loud for the first time. Admitting what she’d known inside all along didn’t make them any less painful, but it didn’t make them any less true.

“What?” Dan spat his question, disbelief bleeding from every line in his body.

“We don’t _work_.” Chloe pressed on, her voice strangely leveled despite the havoc that now lived inside her.

“What are you talking about? Of course, we do.” He battered back, quick to dismiss everything she ever said. “We’re soulmates.”

“I know.” She said in regret.

Once, Chloe had believed finding her soulmate would be the answer to everything in her life. That somehow, finding who she was meant to be with would right all the wrongs in her soul, click into place every doubt she’d ever had.

After having found her Destined, she didn’t believe in destiny anymore. She had torn herself apart to accommodate Dan into her life, had dismissed her own wants and needs, put her dreams into a box in the corner of her mind. And as she broke herself in pieces to fit someone else, all she ever wanted was to go back to being grey.

Her phone lit up with incoming texts, and she ran her thumb almost longingly over the screen as she wallowed. The pop of color so familiar that accompanied the messaging buzz weighted on her soul this time.

_Lucifer: I don’t know why this furniture shop keeps calling me  
Lucifer: all I wanted was one night stand  
02:41AM_

_Lucifer: Detective?  
Lucifer: there’s one about a popcorn as well  
02:43AM_

“So, what, you just gonna leave me for him now?” Dan inquired, disbelief and incredulity filling his tone.

In reality, it was the opposite.

“I never said that. This isn’t because of him, it’s about _us_.” Chloe had tried. God knew she’d tried. She had given it weeks and weeks of tries and second chances, and she was _tired_.

She never should’ve left Lucifer for an illusion of what love was supposed to be, or the pressure society put on people to find their ‘other half’. She wasn’t a half, she wasn’t incomplete. She was enough all on her own.

It had just taken a really crappy situation for her to realize that. To realize that what society had ingrained in her mind ever since she was a little girl wasn’t how the world was actually supposed to work.

“So, what now?” He pressed again, his tone harsh and urgent and demanding, until Chloe felt like her head was going to explode.

“I don’t know, Dan!” The words burst out of her. Uncertainty had kept her awake for days as she thought about this already, analyzed every possible outcome, tried to look over all the things that had bothered her.

She’d debated and she’d pondered, but in the end, she just couldn’t keep living like this. She couldn’t keep putting her own needs and wants aside for the rest of her life. She couldn’t keep on ignoring the overwhelming sense of wrongness that filled her chest until she thought she’d suffocate in it.

She had tried and it wasn’t working. God would damn her – and quite literally in this case because she knew He was real, and it was all His doing – but Chloe couldn’t carry on believing in soulmates. 

Not after all the misery she’d put herself through, all the things she’d overlooked and forced herself to take, all the pieces of herself she’d lost on the way, all the edges she’d smoothed to welcome someone else that didn’t fit. All she did just to have the surety of not being alone – even thought she’d had that same certainty in grey.

She’d just been too blinded by expectations to see it.

“We’re _soulmates_.” Dan almost spat the word, something that was supposed to be beautiful turned into poison in his lips.

“I _know_.” Chloe sighed. “But it doesn’t mean we’re good for each other.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what it means.” The condescension in Dan’s tone made her stomach churn. She wished she could say it was the first time, but he always assumed she didn’t know what she was talking about, as if he had to teach or explain everything to her like she was a child.

He’d always been too happy to have her lean on him for everything instead of helping her grow as her own person.

“Can you honestly tell me you’re happy? These couple months we’ve been together, are you happy with how things have gone? Because I’m not. Most of the time it feels like I’m walking on eggshells around you.”

“No. We _are_ happy.” He parroted back, insisting on whatever illusion he’d created to soothe himself. “Maybe we’re not like the people in the movies, but we’re happy. We’re _normal_. We’re _soulmates_ , Chloe! This is how it’s supposed to be.” 

“How can you be so sure? No one even knows why soulmates exist!” It all came pouring out of her, all the doubts that had once haunted her mind, but she now knew to be true. All the questions she’d never dared to ask, all the fears she’d always harbored inside, in silence. “And who’s to say they’re never wrong? We’ve seen enough people murder their soulmates for no reason.”

“Come on, this is _nothing_ like that.” Dan spat, his hands tightening on the steering wheel as his voice heated up in anger.

“You know what I mean.”

“No. This is- this is Lucifer. He’s putting _ideas_ in your head.” He blurted out in anger, pressing his finger into his temple to illustrate his atrocious conclusion. Chloe could almost hear perfectly the desperation in his tone, the _need_ for his world to remain the same, in a perfectly unquestioned bubble where all was safe and predestined.

She’d hoped beyond hope he wouldn’t push for this conversation tonight. She’d had her time to come to terms with all the life altering questions, with the foundations of the modern world suddenly crumbling apart. Dan had been caught off guard.

Chloe wished she’d had the time to settle the ground for this, but no matter how justified his denials were, she couldn’t ignore how it all affected her.

“See, _this_ is why we don’t work. You invalidate _everything_ I say.” She cried out. It had been one of the first signs for her that they didn’t fit. 

She was questioned enough by the other guys at the precinct; but Dan outright undermined her authority on active crime scenes, nosed his way into her investigations as if she couldn’t solve them herself, and made her doubt her own gut, the _one thing_ that had never let her down before in her life.

All in the name of knowing what was good for her.

It would’ve been sort of sweet of him to try to stick up for her if he wasn’t so condescending about it. Case in point…

“You think a guy like him would ever care about _you_? He’s a _playboy_ , Chloe. He’s only toying with you. You can’t seriously be falling for his shit.”

“Don’t you _dare_ bring Lucifer into this. This has nothing to do him.” Her rage made her hands shake in the confined space of the car. Dan had managed to antagonize Lucifer and undermine her all in one breath. Chloe was impressed she’d dismissed that sort of behavior for so long.

What made it worse for her was how he immediately assumed she couldn’t think for herself, all too ready to place the blame on someone else rather than recognize his share of it. 

“Do you even like me?” The question slipped past her lips, her words burning but brittle with uncertainty. She knew the answer, had known all along, but having unmistakable proof was another matter entirely.

“What? Of course, I do.” Dan parroted; his answer automatic. “We’re soulmates.”

“Yeah, you already said that.” Chloe sighed, confronted with the bitter reality of being right.

For once, just _once_ , she hoped she was wrong. That this was all some kind of twisted dream or a misunderstanding. But her gut had never lied to her before, and it would do her no good to avoid it now.

“What else do you want me to say?” Dan asked back like it was an impossible question, like she was an enigma. Like all she ever wanted wasn’t the most basic thing in the world.

“That you care more about me than you do the colors.” She said; her voice swallowed by the darkness of the city beyond.

“What kind of question even is that? Of course, I do.” The words came quick, but they didn’t reach his eyes.

Certainty had never made her feel so cold before.

“No, you don’t. If we weren’t soulmates, you wouldn’t have even looked at me. You didn’t, actually.” Chloe spoke, a strange sense of clarity taking over her soul.

“Of course, I did!”

“No. You only did once I told you it was me. Before that, no.” She shook her head, the memory of that day still bittersweet to her. 

She’d dreamed of meeting her soulmate ever since she could remember. Of her heart fluttering out of her chest and a warm fuzzy feeling taking over. Reality had crushed her soul that day. Chloe should’ve known right away this wouldn’t work. 

“You didn’t even ask for my _name_.” The words forced their way out of her, carrying the pain she still harbored in her soul from that moment.

She didn’t know why it had hurt so much. If it had been the way Dan had dismissed her so easily to search for his soulmate, the very little basic respect he’d treated her in that moment, or how he’d outright deemed her case as unimportant in the face of the new discovery in his life. 

Maybe it was a mixture of all of it, how it had made her feel like a rock in Dan’s shoe. Like he outright treated the prospect of his soulmate as an object, a reward.

“Chloe, c’mon.” He pleaded.

“No. You want a girlfriend, Dan. Doesn’t matter if it’s me or not. _But I can’t keep living like this…_ like I’m some sort of _prize_.” The words brought tears to her eyes, an overflow of pain filling her chest and pouring out of her. “All of my life, I thought I could love my soulmate regardless of who they were, but I was _wrong_. I care about you, I _do_ … but not like I should.” 

Chloe took a deep breath and swallowed down the tears that threatened to form in her eyes. She hated that she was an angry crier, but as she bore every fault in her soul, every dark part that lived in her for Dan to finally confront, she couldn’t imagine it being any other way around.

“You love the colors more than you do me, and that’s okay. I do, too.” The words hurt, but she couldn’t keep them inside for any longer or they would consume her. Acceptance had hit her like a truck, had made her question every foundation of her life, her every action, her every feeling, but it had allowed a calmness to settle where her doubts had ruled before.

Doubts she’d always harbored in a deep corner of her soul. Doubts she’d been taught were wrong to have, but that she hadn’t been able to not confront as her life imploded around her soulmate.

No words were said for the rest of the way, though Chloe could see Dan fuming by her side as he drove. She knew he was quick to a self-righteous anger when he felt threatened, but she could also recognize how his ire was almost past him now, and all that was left was the pain of realization.

“The colors have been bleak for me for some time now.” Chloe admitted, turning to face him fully when he parked outside her beach house.

When Dan only sighed and averted his gaze from hers, she knew they’d been the same for him, too. Something had been fundamentally wrong about their relationship, and none of them had had the courage – or maybe the encouragement or the safe space needed – to bring it up.

Maybe if they hadn’t jumped into the whole relationship so quickly, maybe if they’d had a chance to be friends before, maybe if this hadn’t felt like she was rebounding all along… maybe then they could’ve been – not happy, precisely, but _normal_. Maybe they could’ve been enough.

“I’ve known something was off ever since we met, but I was just… too happy, I guess, that I wouldn’t have to spend the rest of my life alone to even think about questioning it. But this, _us_ … we don’t work.” Her eyes found his with all the pain that had silently been consuming her for months bleeding out of her. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.”

 _“We’re soulmates.”_ Dan tried again, a bit desperate with the same pain and tears at the brink in his eyes.

She could sympathize. The desperation, the certainty that it had to be something else that was wrong… she’d had all of those thoughts. She was past denial now, and acceptance came with a quiet calm.

“Yeah, we’re too much of the same. That’s why we can’t work.” Chloe reasoned, her hand reaching out to grab his. “Life isn’t supposed to be hard like this. Love isn’t supposed to hurt. We shouldn’t have to destroy ourselves and give up who we are and be together just because apparently the universe decided it.”

Dan averted his gaze back outside, shaking his head as he pulled his hand out of hers. She heard him clear his throat before he turned to face her again, the iron clad walls she’d never been able to break past at full height in his eyes.

“It wasn’t like I pictured it would be, but it was enough.” 

“I know.” She shared with a pained smile, but a smile, nonetheless. It hadn’t been all bad with him, but Chloe knew they’d be better off as friends. “You shouldn’t settle for that, though. We deserve more than enough.” She briefly pressed her lips to his cheek before she reached to open the door to leave. “Bye, Dan.”

The hard sand crunched under her boots as Chloe walked to her door. The night was cold, but out in the beach she could almost see the stars prickling the sky, like they prickled her heart.

A piece of it had stayed with Dan as he drove off because a part of her would always care for him. But as much as this was an ending for the two of them, it also felt like a beginning in her soul. She breathed in deep, the faint salt in the air from the sea breeze carrying away the weight that had dragged her down for the past few weeks.

Her heart skipped a beat when she reached for her phone and found two messages waiting for her. The now familiar warmth of color that it spurred on her filled her vision as she made her way inside, out from the cold dark and back into the warm light.

_Lucifer: Chloe?  
02:49AM_

_Lucifer: I’m sorry  
02:52AM_

She let out a sigh as a tentative smile fought to lift her spirits. She hadn’t left things right with Lucifer yet again, but this time, she was confident they could work it out. She’d fight for them because Chloe knew he was certainly worth the effort.

Her fingers flew over the screen as she typed, hope taking over her fluttering heart.

__

You: I’m sorry too  
You: can you talk later?  
02:55AM

_  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at long last the awaited breakup XD
> 
> i hope this chapter was clear in delivering Chloe's doubts and Dan's reasonings. also, i can't believe this is almost over???? like how??? but at least we're past all the suffering and into some sunshine territory now XD
> 
>  _"They weren’t soulmates, and they definitely hadn’t been meant to be, but could they choose to be?"_ This one sentence here from this chapter summarises all i ever wanted to redefine when i first started writing this fic, back when i thought i could get it all done in 25k words or less...


	16. I can fix all those lies (my only dream, is about you and I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanted to take a second before the CW to thank every one of you who commented and left kudos, especially those who comment on every chapter. i see you and i love you <3 thank you all so much for all the support, it has truly been amazing. i can't even describe how happy your feedback makes me!!!
> 
> \- CONTENT WARNING -  
> SMUT. delicious and fulfilling - ;) - smut. though it's more poetic than graphic XD if you wish to skip, this chapter is divided into 4 scenes, and the smut happens entirely on scene 2 so you won't be missing anything major.

Chloe sighed for what felt like the millionth time that day. She’d been staring at her ceiling for two hours now, watching as the sunlight moved along her house as the day went by. She’d been distracting herself with little things ever since morning came, but it was now well into the afternoon and Chloe had yet to gather enough courage to go to Lux.

She’d been the one to suggest the meeting to Lucifer in the first place so they could talk properly, finally. Without Dan and officers and Lux to distract them – or a phone between them. But there was something inside her that always made her heart start racing when she thought about seeing him again.

Something about Lucifer’s words from the night before that somehow still drifted through her mind hours later, and with it that soft gaze he’d bestowed upon her, warmed by the club lights.

The simple thought of the night before brought a surge of fluttering hope to her heart that might as well be dread. Chloe was scared of what it could mean, if they’d somehow gotten each other wrong again. She was scared he’d changed; she was scared she’d changed.

What if they didn’t fit anymore?

What dreaded her the most, though, was the mere possibility of starting something with him only to end up realizing they didn’t really belong together. What if Lucifer did end up finding his true soulmate in the future? What then?

Could she survive the pain of letting him go again?

But the fear? That Chloe knew she could deal with. But if she didn’t go meet him, if she ignored the possibility of something great happening because she was scared of painful future maybe’s, if she ignored her gut telling her to run to him again… that regret Chloe knew she would never be able to outlast.

So, that flutter of dread in her heart, she would take a page out of Lucifer’s book and choose to view it as excitement. Which was something he had in abundance.

It had always amused her, seeing the delight gleaming in his eyes.

Chloe got up from the couch and hurried outside to her car, cursing herself from waiting so long to realize that she was giddy for his presence and she couldn’t deny that herself anymore.

The drive to the club was a blur, but when she got there, Lux was deserted, and it made her take pause. Only distant, diffuse lights illuminated the main floor, and she determinately ignored the somberness of the place as she made her way to the elevator.

When the metal doors opened up to the penthouse, the sight took Chloe’s breath away. The dark colors of the place elegantly framed the bright reds and oranges of the sunset while letting the last of the golden rays of day pass through. 

The music being drawn from the piano stopped as soon as she stepped in. Lucifer turned around with a breathtaking kind of awed surprise in his eyes. He looked carefully messy with his hair curling slightly at the tips where the gel had long worn off and his shirtsleeves rolled up past his elbows a bit more carelessly than what he usually allowed himself.

But there was something in his features that spoke of an inner glow, making him stand out bright in the darkened penthouse.

“ _Detective…_ ” Lucifer whispered under his breath as a big smile blossomed into his features. “I wasn’t sure you’d come.”

The open relief so palpable in his features made something tighten in her chest. Chloe knew he had a tendency of overthinking things and jumping to conclusions – and then interpreting them the wrong way. And now, as she stood there watching the relief taking over him, she wondered how she could’ve ever doubted coming to see him.

“Ah, you’ll be pleased to know I’ve found the perfect joke.” Lucifer filled the silence that stretched on when she couldn’t find her words. “What do you call a Detective in bed?” He asked overly excited like an oversized puppy, and Chloe couldn’t help but smile back at him. “An agent _undercover_. Get it?” 

Lucifer looked overall quite pleased with himself, but something still caused the smallest of frowns in his brow. It forced Chloe out of the illusion she was under, watching him pleased and happy and warm for a moment she wished could last forever.

“There’s also one about the energizer bunny being arrested, but I admit I don’t quite understand what battery means myself.” He babbled, the spark in his eyes looking almost desperate as she made her way to sit by his side on the piano bench. “Detective?”

“I broke up with Dan.”

Her words hung heavy in the air for a moment too long until it all came crashing down along with the expressions in his face. For a second, Chloe almost expected her colors to simply disappear somehow, but ever since she’d walked in, they had gone back to being bright.

Like she had hoped they could be with him all along.

She shone him a small, uncertain smile, wishing she could project on him the calm those words brought forth in her. Lucifer was controlled about it, but she recognized the way hope sparked back into his gaze, making his soul glow bright like it had the night before.

“But- I, I thought you were soulmates?” The words stuttered out of him, confusion shining in his eyes.

“No.” Chloe shook her head, but her smile carried on. She’d come to accept the breakup by now, and she was strangely okay with it. “I don’t think I believe in soulmates anymore.”

“I don’t understand.” He tilted his head to the side in that confused way of his that made her forget who he was supposed to be for a second.

Chloe kept her eyes sure on him, her smile as calm as it had first been. The colors of the impending sunset bounced off the polished marbles of the penthouse, illuminating them both at the piano in a soft light, and for a second too long, Chloe allowed herself to be distracted by it.

“Come on.” She called for him as she got up from the bench and headed for the balcony. The sun was almost at the horizon, and the sky was painted beautifully in pinks and reds and oranges, bathing the world in gold.

Lucifer still looked dumbfounded, but followed her outside, and the way the sun lit him up reminded Chloe why she’d come to like sunsets so much.

She pulled him to sit down on the outdoor couch close like they had been used to before she reached to lace her fingers with his. The sunset had always been about the two of them for her. Ever since that day they’d given each other colors, when they both hadn’t known any better, every sunset made her feel like she was back there.

“Uh, what's happening?” Lucifer asked, the barest hint of dread filling his tone.

It was almost palpable to her how something else seemed to be holding him back from being there with her fully, from enjoying a stolen moment of peace and quiet. It was overly plain in the way he was still tense by her side, how his guard seemed to be high up, how confusion overpowered the spark in his eyes. So, Chloe chose to keep it simple.

“We’re watching the sunset.” She said, squeezing his hand in comfort. “It’s become somewhat of a habit for me these last couple months, I guess.”

Despite being true, the words left her with an unintended bitterness, which she felt mirrored in him in the way he recoiled from her, even if it was millimeters only.

“It makes me feel close to you.” She confessed in a whisper, the aftertaste the memory of their absence brought bothering her as well.

Lucifer’s eyes drifted to the sky and he let out a pleased hum in agreement, as if he could see in it what she could. It made her smile despite herself.

As was usual with him, the silence didn’t last for long. Chloe could feel him fighting not to fidget by her side as he tried to deny to himself what was bothering him. So, she turned to him and squeezed his hand in encouragement, her eyes willing his to meet her gaze.

“I- Would you perhaps wish to discuss your breakup? I’m aware it’s what friends do, is it not?” He asked, still unsure even as the words left him.

Chloe let out a happy chuckle despite what his question actually entailed. It was too easy for her to picture Lucifer being so awkward with the simple things that he retorted to asking Google about friendship advice – which he’d surely find totally feasible since he wasn’t, in fact, _human_. 

Something she forgot most of the time, and that she was strangely okay with now.

“I don’t really know how to talk about it, but I think we probably should. I owe you an explanation.” Chloe relented. She didn’t know how to even begin to put into words the muddled events that brought her there, but for him she’d make an effort. Lucifer deserved to know.

“You owe me nothing, darling.” He gave her a disarming smile that settled the worries Chloe still felt deep in her heart.

It’d always been comforting, talking to him. She didn’t have any reason to expect otherwise this time.

“No, I- I do.” She let out a steadying sigh. “Jumping into a relationship with Dan is what caused all that guilt in me because of what I did to you, even if I only did it because I thought it was the right thing to do.”

“I- Listen to me very carefully, Detective. You _shouldn’t_ feel guilty about that, alright? We both knew it was bound to happen someday, and I certainly don’t hold it against you.” Lucifer let his gaze bore deeply in hers as he spoke, his grip in her hand increasing along with the desperation in his voice. “Guilt is a powerful thing, especially for human souls, and you have no reason to feel it over this.”

Dread more powerful than anything she’d ever felt settled into her. Because if the Devil himself was concerned for her immortal soul, shouldn’t she be as well?

“I think a part of me will always be… maybe not guilty exactly, but remorseful?” Her tone went up in question, which seemed to satisfy, at least if momentarily, Lucifer’s worries, and it set her at ease in return. “I don’t regret meeting Dan, but our relationship was a mistake. Especially how things ended up with you. I really am sorry about all that.”

He didn’t say anything in response, just squeezed her hand as a softness filled his gaze and relaxation took over the tension in his shoulders, and for a second, Chloe could almost pretend everything was right again.

“You’re taking this all exceptionally well.”

“Yeah. Not many people really leave their soulmates, huh?” She said, a bit of bitterness coloring her tone. Never in her life had she ever considered that as a possibility. Never had she seen someone who’d actually done it. 

“Oh, just the crazy ones, I’d assume.” Lucifer quipped back, an easy smile in his lips that almost made her forget the gravity of what they were discussing.

Chloe sighed, laying her head back on his shoulder. She’d thoroughly exhausted her mind already, thinking about all the what ifs, all the judgement she’d receive from her coworkers, from society… from her mom. But this was her life. Maybe it was time for the world to realize that the norm, the _normal_ , the _expected_ , was wrong.

“It was long coming, I guess. Ever since Dan and I met, I felt there was something wrong with all of it, but I was just too caught up on how things were _supposed_ to be that I lost sight of it. No one really teaches you that having a soulmate doesn’t mean everything will be alright. No one tells you that you might not like who you end up with. You just have to suck it up and live with it.” Chloe admitted, bitterness back into her tone. 

Accepting her part in the failure of her relationship had been the hardest of all, especially since she’d gone so reluctantly into it. But she couldn’t blame everything on Dan and the universe for giving her the wrong soulmate.

“I thought finding my soulmate was going to solve all the problems in my life, but instead it just made it that much worse.”

“Surely, it mustn’t have been all terrible? I’m aware Daniel is a dullard, but the colors at least had to be beautiful, no?”

“Yeah, I guess, but they only made it worse.” She confessed. “If it wasn’t for the colors, we wouldn’t have ever even dated. We certainly wouldn’t have forced ourselves into a relationship we both knew was wrong.”

She didn’t regret it, but she could’ve done without all the doubts and the heartache.

“I mean, it wasn’t all Dan’s fault. I had expectations he would never have been able to meet.” Expectations she’d formed from her time with Lucifer that had left impossibly large shoes for Dan to fill. “But with him, all the time I felt like I was the only one making an effort, and I couldn’t keep living like that. I would never be happy if I stayed in a relationship where I was always being forced to put my needs aside.”

Sometimes, Chloe still found herself missing a part of her she hadn’t even realized she’d left behind. Somewhere along the way, she broke, and little pieces of herself scattered away. She gave up a part of who she was for him, and she never wanted to feel like that ever again.

“Every moment I was with him, I felt like I had to lose a piece of myself so he could fit. And if that’s what it means to have a soulmate, then I don’t want one.” Her words were final, a sort of clarity that allowed her to slowly glue herself together again. “At least, not in the regular sense of the word.”

Her words only seemed to make Lucifer more confused, the dangers of what her societal defiance could lead up to. But when she met his gaze, lost somewhere between hope and confusion, but still bright, Chloe knew he understood the surety she had in her decision.

“Do you remember Ella? My friend from the girl’s night at Lux.” She recounted.

“Ah, yes. How could I possibly forget?” Lucifer commented in a tight voice, using his free hand to smooth memory wrinkles from his suit like he’d done after Ella’s hug.

“Yeah.” She laughed at his antics. Lucifer was just ridiculous sometimes.

That night felt so long ago now, but the taste of reward it had left in her was still as vivid as ever. For Chloe, that night had been proof enough that even if things had gone south between them, they were both willing to find a way to fix it. 

She couldn’t help but hope they could do it again with this.

“Anyway. She saw how uncomfortable I felt around Dan right away, even when I was trying to pretend to myself that it was fine that way.”

“If he ever-” Lucifer tensed by her side, his sharpening eyes a stark contrast to the soft evening colors bathing him.

“No, no. It’s nothing like that.” Chloe soothed him, covering their joined hands with her other one. “But I guess, I knew from the beginning we weren’t right for each other. And Ella helped me see that.”

“Before, I’d never thought to even question the colors. I mean, the whole world believes in them, right? Billions of people couldn’t be so wrong, so I just accepted whatever I was told to be true. But I knew, deep down, that there was something wrong with it.” She felt him tense by her side, his grip in her hand almost desperate for a second.

To that, she knew he could relate. Chloe herself had never been big on religion – Catholicism or otherwise – but even before Lucifer showed her, before she was confronted with irrefutable proof that the world was bigger than she allowed herself to imagine, the little hints he’d dropped here and there had revealed enough. 

The huge, monstrous scars born out of hate and rage, the self-derogatory comments, the undermining, the self-hatred… they had been enough for her detective mind to join the pieces.

Even before she fully believed him, Lucifer’s love of freedom and consent, the burning passion for desires that sparked his gaze, the unsurmountable joy of life that fueled his being… Chloe could see how he wouldn’t conform with an authoritative father who treated him like a chess piece. 

Knowing that the father who had wronged such a bright soul like Lucifer so deeply and so badly to the point of scarring him – mentally and physically – forever was God, _capital G God_ , only made it all the worse.

Chloe had never swallowed down the idea of a devil responsible for all the evil in the world. After knowing Lucifer like she had come to, she had confirmed that her opinions and impressions of people were the only thing she could judge them upon. Whispered rumors and long passed assumptions didn’t account that the Devil himself could be so kind.

That even after being through literal Hell, his smile still lit up entire crowds, his voice could still rip emotions right out of your heart and his gaze still caried a warmth unlike Chloe had ever seen alike.

Yes, he’d made mistakes. While most of the world was wrong when he was concerned, so much lore didn’t spark to life baseless. The Devil didn’t get such title by being blameless. Some myths were, indeed, true. 

But mistakes were what made them human, and that Lucifer was. More than most.

“Ella helped me accept that the only reason I was even with Dan was because I thought I had to be, like it was some sort of obligation. And I did it, even when my gut kept telling me he was wrong for me.”

Her hand squeezed his in comfort as she bored her eyes deeply in his.

“I pushed myself into a relationship I didn’t want anymore because I knew I had met my soulmate already and loving someone I wasn’t supposed to scared me.” Chloe confessed, her voice barely above a whisper as realization dawned like morning in Lucifer’s eyes. 

She reached out to cup his cheek with her free hand, her thumb scratching his scruff as she contemplated the dying lights of the sunset that bathed them both. They made her wonder why she hadn’t seen this sooner.

_– why she had consciously ignored this for so long –_

“I don’t care what society says, what matters is how I feel, and I feel it for _you_. I’m ready to face that now, I just hope it’s not too late.”

“Chloe-” Lucifer could see the danger in her words, but no matter the dread that fought for control in his gaze, he didn’t seem willing to tell her to stop.

Chloe felt his fear. The apprehension and doubt that came from standing at the edge of a cliff, unsure if you’ll be caught before hitting the ground. 

“You- you said we’re free, right? Humans have free will. So, I’m using mine.” She said, using up all the confidence she’d taken the entire day to gather to take that last step off the edge. Her insides chilled and she was in freefall. “I’m done being treated like a prize. I choose _you_ , Lucifer. And maybe my world will be bleak forever, or- or I might be defying God’s plan, or whatever. But you’re worth screwing some Celestial Asshole over.”

Chloe heard his sharp intake of breath; she saw how his eyes filled to the brim with tears. She witnessed the surprise and the hope taking over, and she felt his desperate need to believe her… but in the end, it all came crashing down and she hit the floor, hard.

Lucifer’s hopeful features closed up in a passing second and he withdrew himself from her before all but running from the couch. He chose to get up and lean on the balcony rails instead, pain screaming from every line that made up his body as his eyes lost themselves on the prickled city beyond.

“No. You- you don’t want that.” The words dragged out of him; the regret so clear in his face as Lucifer forced himself to say them. “You can’t possibly want that.”

“You mean you.” Her voice, so soft, was almost lost to the night, but Chloe felt his pain like a physical thing when Lucifer averted his gaze, confirming her suspicions.

She got up from the couch and stood by his side, one hand threaded through the small hairs at the nape of his neck. “I admit, I was scared of it at first… but I know you. I told you last night, I accept you, for all you are.”

Lucifer snickered as he pulled away from her, pain so clear in his eyes even though she knew this was his way of protecting himself from more harm. His eyes were dark when they fell on her again, his crumbling bravado slipping from his grasp.

“Can you ever accept _this_?” His tone was almost defiant in the opulent night, and it rang with an otherworldly command as his skin melted away.

Finally being confronted with all the damage done to him, Chloe gasped. 

He looked _bad_. Skinned alive, burned to the muscles, with sinew and bone peaking out at places. She could see his skull almost perfectly, his charred flesh that still oozed with blood. But most of all, she could see the hurt in every part of him.

Chloe couldn’t even conceive the horrors he must’ve gone through to make him look so _raw_ , like the monster he thought he was. But even then, his eyes still stole her breath away.

Before, they were eyes that had shone with vulnerability that night, so many moons ago now, when he’d allowed her to touch his scars, to let her see the guarded side of his soul. Eyes that now shone red with power and hurt, but that still longed to be accepted even in this skin, like he’d been when Chloe had touched the scars on his back.

“I’m the _Devil_ , Chloe. I’ve done things you can’t even begin to imagine, things you could never understand.” His voice was raw and opulent, built on years and years – millennia even – of hurt and rejection, but…

No matter what Lucifer said, all Chloe could see was a being more human than most, constantly trying to prove – mostly to himself, but also – to the world he was _good and worthy_. A man that was constantly trying to be better than he was before, better than people gave him credit for.

“You can’t want to bind yourself to- to _this_. No one could ever want the Devil for a soulmate. You were right to leave me when you did, before I could ruin you, too.” His tone was bitter, and she could almost feel the pain that so thoroughly consumed his heart. “So, don’t lie to me. You know I _detest_ liars.”

“I know you don’t believe me, but you’re _not_ a monster, Lucifer. All I see is someone who made mistakes and payed a really great deal for them. Someone who’s constantly trying to be better, fighting against every label the world tries to throw at you, all the bad things everyone just decided to expect of you, to be your own person. You’ve been through hell, but you still shine so _bright_.” Chloe reached out to cup his cheeks, her motions soft not to hurt him, but his skin transformed back into immaculate perfection just before she could touch him. His eyes, though, remained the same. “You’re beautiful just as you are, I choose _you_. Red eyes and all.”

For a second, he couldn’t breathe. He didn’t move, didn’t blink.

 _“…red?”_ His voice trembled with surprise, with hope clashing with fear and waging a war inside him as he was faced with undeniable proof that she could see colors with him, too. Proof of what she truly felt for him, of the gravity of her words.

That he wasn’t alone in this uncharted territory.

She still wasn’t sure how it was even possible, seeing colors with someone who wasn’t meant to be your soulmate

“Yeah.” She confessed, and it was a soft thing that pulled her lips up in a smile. “I can see colors when I’m around you, too. Even when I’m thinking about you and when you text me… And I can see them now.” Her thumb brushed away the single tear that rolled down his face. “And who knows, maybe they’ll fade eventually, but I’d rather have you in grey than not have you at all. That is, if you’ll still have me.”

Chloe could feel herself raw with how she’d tore her heart open, but she wouldn’t have it any other way. They’d gone through enough, all because they’d kept their feelings hidden and denied what was in front of them.

She’d be damned if she let it happen again, when she had her whole world in her hands.

Her breath hitched when Lucifer leaned down to kiss her. It was such a soft thing that held so much promise and love that Chloe felt drunk. That one, simple kiss filled her completely with warmth until she felt she could taste the sunset itself. Until she felt they were finally home.

She hoped she could keep feeling this feeling until her last day on Earth.

When they finally pulled back to draw in air, she reached out to rest her forehead on his, not quite able to let him go just yet. The care and reverence in Lucifer’s touch as he cupped her cheeks almost made her implode with how much she felt for him in that perfect moment.

“I can- I can see them, too.” His breathless voice still wobbled as he spoke, and it was easily the single, most beautiful sound Chloe had ever heard in her entire life. “Golden or grey, I only care about you.”

* * *

Lucifer was warm like the sun that snuck through the windows of his bedroom to shine over them as he laid her on his bed. His body covering hers enveloped Chloe with warmth, banishing away every last trace of that artic coldness from her bones at long last.

Clothes came off in a blur until all that was left was the two of them, together, under the sunlight. Nothing else between them, no one else between them. No doubts, no misconceptions, no fears, no pressure. With a kiss, it was all gone.

Her hands ran up his back, confidence returning to her touch as she covered the marbled scars that marred his otherwise smooth skin. Her nails caught on the bumps of his spine, trailed over taut muscles to come to tangle through his hair. Soft strands that ran like silk through her fingers as Lucifer made his way down her body, his touch burning her skin as he went, followed by soothing kisses that had her begging.

He came willing when Chloe flipped them. She straddled his slender hips, her nails ghosted over his abs, hands sneaked along his ribs, her thumbs rubbed over his nipples and Lucifer gasped.

His eyes found hers filled with awe, so dark they consumed even the sunlight, and she looked back at him the same way, her soul bright like the day.

Chloe pulled him to sit up before he filled her, and their shared gasp of pleasure and relief drifted around them, surrounding them in that moment. His nose ran along hers, their breaths mingling once again as she remembered how good it felt to have Lucifer inside her, his heart pressed to hers, his arms wrapped so tightly around her. Their souls as close as they could ever be.

Her hands traveled along his sides, slid up his neck and came to tangle back through messy curls. His ran down her back on the way to her thighs in encouragement, helping her as she started to move. One of his arms sneaked around her waist, and he pulled her closer, pushing her chest flush with his, unwilling to part even when both were desperate for more.

It was intoxicating, feeling his skin sliding against hers as they moved. She sweated, he sweated, and they clung onto each other, hands desperate in their grip and mouths reverent in their kisses.

Her hands explored his body as Lucifer dipped his tongue in the hollow of her throat to taste her. Chloe dug her nails in his back as a moan escaped her lips directly into his ear, and she felt Lucifer’s chest rumbling with his responding groan.

His hips bucked against hers as they moved, his fingertips dug into her skin strong enough to bruise and Chloe gasped. Sucking air between her teeth, she clenched her thighs against his hips and her inner walls against his cock, and Lucifer’s returning gasp was everything in that moment.

He changed the angle just enough to hit that one place he knew made her lose her breath, the one he’d always aimed for when he wanted to make her lose control and fall apart before his eyes. One of his hands sneaked between them to press on her clit and the added pressure was enough to make Chloe lose her mind.

She kissed him, tasted his lips and his skin and his want – his love – and she lost herself in him. When she finally managed to open her eyes, she was met with what had to be the most beautiful sight in all of creation. The sight of an angel. 

No other word that came to her seemed to describe Lucifer in that moment as well as _heavenly_ did. None captured the singular allure of how beautiful he looked, lost in his own desire, consumed by her and what he felt. 

Eyes at half-mast from pleasure but that never left her, lips opened as he gasped and moaned and groaned, his features lax and finally in peace. Desire oozing from every pore in his being. 

It was almost enough to make her come undone.

Chloe traced his features with her fingertips, the bow of his lips, the curve of his smile, the sharp line of his jaw and the arch of his eyebrows. In that moment, Lucifer looked perfect – _holy_ , almost – with the sunlight bathing them in gold. He looked divine, but more than that, he looked so, so human and so perfectly flawed that the sight of him made her heart hurt with love.

Her nails scraped down his neck and she smoothed her hands over his shoulders before she allowed one of them to run down his spine and cover his scars, hoping her touch and the light could shine away the pain of them from his soul.

His movements lost rhythm and her nails dug into his back in response, the hand tangled through his hair pulling at his curls in payback as he thrusted in the way that made her gasp.

Lucifer’s arm tightened around her as he buried his face in her neck, his pleasure taking over his mind and his movements. Chloe clung to him in the same way as tension coiled inside her until she could hardly breathe or think straight, and her world didn’t exist beyond him and them and that moment.

His grip turned into iron in her thigh, his thrusts demanding as Lucifer took over control. His scruff scratched the soft skin of her neck as a rough growl rose up his throat and Chloe felt it filling his chest much like the tension inside her that demanded to be released like a living thing.

It grew and grew and tightened and expanded – until it exploded in waves of shocks and aftershocks, and she fell over the edge, knowing Lucifer would be there to catch her.

He spilled into her with a relieved moan and a hoarse cry of her name that filled her soul. His body twitched in rhythm with hers as they both finally tasted home again after so long of being alone.

Orgasm crashed over them just as the last rays of sunlight illuminated the sky, bathing them in liquid gold as they clung onto each other, holding onto that moment where they were one for as long as it would last.

Chloe’s nails scrapped over his scruff as she felt the smile stretching over his features. She captured his smile with hers, marveling at how she could taste the happiness in his lips. 

Lucifer dropped back down on the bed pulling her along with him as he’d done that first night, so many nights ago, before they’d known how it felt to hold sunlight between them. But unlike that first time, this felt like a first, like a proper beginning for them.

* * *

The sky was dark and prickled with rare stars as moonlight shone over them, replacing the gold of the day with a calming silver. Lucifer had fallen asleep only moments ago, his arms wrapped around her waist and tightening every now and then, as if even in his sleep he was still afraid of letting her go – of waking up to find her gone again.

It made something taste bitter in Chloe’s mouth, regret pulling her soul down at the obvious scar she’d left in his heart. Even if she’d never intended to hurt him, she couldn’t ignore something so plain and pretend they were magically, completely fine for her own sake.

She knew she’d have to work for it, heal what she’d scarred so deeply in him, and give herself some time to heal, too. But this they could do together now, finally be all they’d both wanted from the beginning.

Chloe ran her hands through Lucifer’s hair, pushing his messy curls away from his forehead as she briefly pressed a kiss there. And she promised herself, not even God could ever make her leave him again.

* * *

**Two years later…**

Had it not been for her, Lucifer would have never even seen it. Hell, it never would have even happened in the first place, he was sure.

But then again, if it wasn’t for Chloe, he wouldn’t be who he was today. He’d be nothing more than a retired Devil turned charming club owner who rotated bed partners faster than a ticket gate. And while he was fine with that, his life now was just _so much more_.

How he’d ended up being a police consultant of all things Lucifer still wasn’t sure, but there was something about the work that satisfied him profoundly. Even if it had been more of a divinely enforced punishment rather than a choice, he’d missed punishing sinners, and while his job on Earth was infinitely different from the one in Hell, seeing criminals to justice was somehow even more satisfying to him.

But more than that, working alongside his Detective everyday was a rush all on its own. They were quite the team, if Lucifer said so himself, even if _being a team_ sometimes meant having to endure Detective Douche being a part of it as well. 

Despite that little incident with Detective Stache at Palmetto Street a couple years back, they still had the highest closure rate in the entire Department. And honestly, all those pesky detectives should’ve been glad they’d caught a corrupt cop, not ostracized them from their ranks only to come running back when their case was proven correct and Malcolm was arrested after almost managing to kill him and the Detective at a bloody hangar of all places.

Honestly, humans sometimes still baffled him to no end.

Which brought him back to his current predicament.

Lucifer’s eyes drifted past the bathroom door to his bed and the Detective currently sleeping there. His heart still fluttered whenever he thought about Chloe and everything she brought to his life. All the love and the caring he’d never felt before, the new friends and a job that actually made him proud of himself. But most of all, the colors and everything that came with it.

It still amazed him how the gold in her hair had not once dimmed, how the ocean blue of her eyes remained as bright as it had been the first time he’d seen it.

As much as it scared him, it was easy for Lucifer to look at her and see his future. So, he reached for the white hair growing amongst all the dark brown ones in his head and plucked the offending thing off.

He wished he could burn it, scrape himself of all the evidence of how much he’d changed ever since he’d met her… but every time his eyes found Chloe, Lucifer knew he wouldn’t have it any other way.

He was fine with not being immortal anymore because being with her… it made him feel _invincible_ , and that was so much more…

* * *

_But baby, when you love me, hold me and kiss me slowly… so that I have time, time to fall in love…_

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i first started working on this when i was binging jane the virgin, and jane's speech at her parents' wedding really stuck with me and carried through my planning and eventually my writing. i hope i've done it justice.
> 
> "we are gathered here today to witness the marriage of two people... who are not meant to be. it’s true. (...) my parents are here today not because they are meant to be, but because they chose each other. in the face of a million obstacles, they chose each other. when it seemed like they should give up, they chose each other and they keep choosing each other in the face of every single twist and turn life brings them. every single day. and that is not destiny, that is not fate. that’s commitment. for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, in rainy days and sunny skies... they have earned their happy ending." - Jane Villanueva
> 
> also Lucifer's joke about the energizer bunny is totally me. i physically can't understand what battery means :D

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading <3  
> Comments and kudos highly appreciated.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr  here  and  here  on twitter! I don't really post there but :p  
> Come by say hi!


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